Trepidation | H.S.

68 | Harry - Letter

The more and more it happened, I always wondered what it was. I didn't understand what was happening, all I knew was that it happened around you.

My brain fought itself for days trying to resist the feeling when all I wanted to do was reach out and grab it. It wouldn't let me for a while, but I think I know what it is. I think there's a way to describe it.

Love.

Love is just a word. That's until someone comes along and shows you what it is. It's a word I never thought I would understand, but I do now.

I never thought I would be able to know what the word meant. It was always thrown around, but I didn't use the word. I told myself I never would because I didn't want to be hurt like last time.

Being hurt was far from what happened. I found happiness. I found the feeling that opened the door to what that word meant.

Loving someone means accepting someone for who they truly are. I accepted you for the real you, I never wanted anything about you to change.

I didn't care that we were living in a fucked up rollercoaster. We were on our own ride, flying above as the doves we always dreamed of being.

We itched for that feeling, repeating the words to each other when we felt that moment. The more and more time I spent with you, the more I felt like a dove.

The message the dove represents was something that always laid behind me, begging for a chance to peek out. Free, joy, and gentleness. I feel all of those things with you.

When things were dark and I felt like giving up, that was the one thing that kept me going. I told myself that I just wanted to learn more about you and chase that feeling, but it's now what it was. Even though I denied it, I leaned so so much from you.

Loving someone means that you know their deepest darkest secrets, and even through them you still stand by them. Judging you was something I never did, I didn't care that you struggled with who you were. It only made me accept you more.

You opened up to me. My darling Indiana, you told me things you had held close to your heart because you didn't want to tell anyone else. I could never be prouder of anyone in my life than you.

When you said the little things that had left the marks on your life, it was like opening an eye to me. I didn't understand why I felt so much for you, or why I wanted to be there for you. I wanted nothing more than to comfort you.

Loving someone means they don't judge you either. When I showed you who I truly was, you didn't run. You didn't fear for the person I was, you stayed and guided me through it.

I was scared of the person I was behind the mask. From what I did on a daily basis, to the deep scars that traced my skin. Physically and metaphorically, I feared what you would think of them.

You didn't think anything more of them than just being a part of me. I thought the same of you. They were what made you, you. I didn't judge you for who you were, and you did the same to me.

Loving someone means they bring you the most happiness in the world. It was a feeling I never understood before you. You showed me it though, and because of you I've grown to be the best I've ever been.

When I first opened my mind to the feeling, it sent me into a spiral. You were the one that brought me out of it. You calmed me down by talking about what you care about most, the stars.

You asked me how many stars I thought would be in the universe. I was confused as to why you were asking me that, but I realized that's what helps you. It did the same to me.