[COMPLETED]
trep·i·da·tion
a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen.
***
"You'll see the truth one day." I whispered against his harsh lips knowing this was wrong. The sensation was driving me insane, his warm breath panning...
Try to mend what's left of my content incomprehension As I take on the stress of the mess that I've made Don't know if I even care for grown, if it's just alone, yeah
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The honeycomb yellow of the sun poured through the cracks in the blinds and awaited entrance into my eyes. Thoughts of the visions in my sleep come and go in waves, clinging on to the very last memory of the night but with little success.
Giving myself a moment to shed the sleep from my brain, and allow the visions of the night to give way to the day. In a few minutes I will be able to meet the sunlight, but my body isn't adjusted for that yet.
My body is tired and laced with sleep still, as I slowly let my eyes peel open. Stuck in the warmth of the blankets, I somehow still feel so empty. As I open my eyes I let the reality of the world come into my sight.
Waking up is no longer the pleasure it was. There is a fleeting moment when I feel whole again but it evaporates fast, with only a few waking seconds I can feel at peace. Then my lids that were drooping and stuck with heavy slumber snap open violently as if I'd been woken by the screams of sirens wailing.
Sleep hadn't been the same for over ten years. I never felt the pure joy of waking up in the comfort of my home with my family. I never got to feel anything like that anymore. There is always that lingering feeling or something that trails behind and pulls me down.
I sat up quickly, confused on why I was so fidgety today. I was alone in the bed of my hotel room, the plain brown walls making me feel cornered in. Nothing special was going on today, so I don't understand why I was feeling like this. It always sucks to be down for no reason.
After I parted ways with the boys, I found myself alone in my thoughts like I usually did. I felt that urge to relapse, it I fought it so hard. Harry was the only thing that could get me through it.
I thought of him and how far he is fighting for himself and how I can't just give up on myself or him. I wanted to call him so bad, and just have him hold me as I cried because of every little issue in my life, but I couldn't. I need to stay strong and I can't let my heart fold because of this.
Tomorrow would be an even harder fight, but I just needed to take it day by day. One day at a time I can work through my issues and try and control them. Today I just need to call Hugo, nothing too bad. It will calm me to hear someone I am familiar with.
October 13.
Thirteen years since my beloved father passed away. That's what tomorrow was.
It was always a traumatic day, and I always seemed to spiral after it. Not only was it the day my dad passed away, it was the day I was taken. The day I went from a little elementary school kid, sad because her mother was gone, to a young child and early teen who was held hostage and used for sex.
