[COMPLETED]
trep·i·da·tion
a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen.
***
"You'll see the truth one day." I whispered against his harsh lips knowing this was wrong. The sensation was driving me insane, his warm breath panning...
I buried my guilt in a pit in the sound With the rust and the vultures and the trash downtown
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It's been three days since Harry and I talked, and all I can say is that I'm surprised.
When he told me I showed him what happiness was something inside of me flipped. My worries went away for that moment in time and I felt free. I felt at peace knowing he didn't hate me.
I messed up, I really did and I didn't expect him to ever talk to me again. I can see how hurt he is, but he still wants to be near me. He shouldn't want to, but he does.
I wanted him to forgive me, I really did, but I couldn't force him to do anything. He had to do what he wanted to do and what he felt was right. I was really surprised when he said he wasn't directly mad at me.
Harry said that he had some suspicions but just put them aside because his world was so fucked up that he thought it was normal. I can't lie, I did a really shitty job on this. I made so many different mistakes and I'm shocked I even made it this far.
There was still so much more we had to talk about, but that there were some weird things that we both needed to connect on our sides. I tried to think about it all, but my body was so stressed physically and mentally. I needed to take a break for a few days and not worry about anything other than building my relationship.
We agreed we were just going to take things at the pace we wanted and work through things one by one. There were some pretty major concerns about the whole situation that he said all six of us needed to discuss at one point. But he also had the same stance on me as just wanting to breathe for a few days.
I was surprised that things were going as smoothly as they are. Harry asked if I would sit with him at the back of the bus that next day, and it wasn't awkward. He stayed pretty quiet like he usually did, and I just did some work on my computer.
We hadn't really figured out what we were going to tell the other boys. He wanted to wait until I was feeling a bit better physically before we did anything. Harry told me about some of the things he needed to work and discuss, but that he wanted to wait a little bit longer to see how things were going.
We just took things slowly, and as they came. There is obviously some tension between us still, but I was really happy when we got to spend some time together. Yesterday we got together after he came back from a job I didn't ask about, but he asked if I wanted to come to his room with him.
He ordered us food and let us watch a movie, and it just felt normal. We didn't worry about anything else until he brought it up. He told me he had a couple of connections between our two groups and that all six of us needed to talk in the morning, and that's what we were doing now.
It's six in the morning, and we are currently sitting around the small table of the tour bus like we are about to solve a fucking murder mystery or some shit. It was annoying, and it was very early but we had to talk about this at some point.
