Trepidation | H.S.

45 | Harry - Talk

I spent days thinking about how I would cover this up to protect her until I just stopped. I didn't need to cover it up, I wouldn't be telling anyone.

I was hurt by the situation, I still am hurt, but this doesn't need to be what it could be. I care about that girl more than anything is the world and I would do anything to protect her.

I spent so many nights up, and thinking about what life would be like if we had met under different circumstances. If I was just a college boy, and she was a normal girl, but we aren't. We are both hurricanes who got the chance to cross the same path and blend together as one.

Our weaknesses join together to build a strong storm. We might be a disaster, but at the end of every disaster the sun will come out eventually. She makes the bad worth it. She is my sun.

"Talk?" She asked quietly, making me snap out of my thoughts. Her grip on the door was hard, and she looked like she was holding on as if someone would rip her away from me.

"Yeah.." I said nervously, running my hand through my hair as I shifted my weight on my heel. "Can I take you somewhere?"

I wanted to take her somewhere where she could feel at comfort. I wanted her to feel like she was in a safe place as we spoke. It didn't matter to me where I was, because she is my safe space.

I also wanted to talk to her sooner, but I couldn't. I hated knowing that she was just a little ball of anxiety, and she felt like she couldn't even be in the same room as me. I knew she was hiding out with Zayn most of this time and I was really happy she had him.

He tried to talk to me, but I just shut him out. I don't do good with talking, I like to let my problems eat me apart instead of working through them one by one. He knows I appreciated his concern even if I didn't show it. I'm pretty sure he also knows the truth, but another part of me doesn't know because I feel like he would have been a bit more hectic and mad.

I'm lying, that man is as cool as a cucumber. He wouldn't have made a big deal out of it, because unlike me, he knows how to handle his emotions. I can tell he's confused, his whole life he's always worn a mask and pretended to be fine, but deep down I can see how he feels.

Him and Indiana needed time with each other. Not just a quick drive, but they needed to really get to know each other. I would have always thought I'd be a jealous fuck, but I'm not. Under normal circumstances I'd probably be a little annoyed by them being together twenty four seven, but they need each other. They understand each other in ways they don't realize.

"Oh," She spoke up sounding a little confused at first. "Yeah. Just give me a sec to change?"

I gave her a short nod as I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I stepped back as she started to close the door, clicking the heel of my shoe against the ground. It stung a little bit when she shut the door on me, but I don't know what I expected.

I don't get to be invited in anymore. I showed her that I didn't trust her, I fucked up a lot. I just want to explain why I hid. Why I didn't stand up for how I really felt, instead I was a coward.

At first I did it for her safety. I didn't know how I would act, and I just felt hurt. I think anyone would feel that way if they learned someone they cared deeply about had been hiding who they were. I needed her to leave so I didn't do anything I would regret.

My brain wasn't thinking straight that first night. It was a foreign feeling, and I was scared. I was scared that I had let myself get hurt again, I was scared that I just proved my fathers point. I don't deserve to be happy.

That was screaming at me the whole time she tried to finish explaining, and I wanted to listen but I couldn't. My head felt like it was going to explode, and I needed her out of there before I snapped. I destroyed my hotel room until it was barely recognizable that night.