Strawberry Lipstick - Y.B Imagines

to let go

request by MadisonHolness as per usual

desc: after losing your mum, life was difficult to cope with. everything seemed a memory of her. you don't know how to deal with it. but your boyfriend, dom is there the whole way through.

tw for death, panic attacks & depression

you tossed and turned trying to fall asleep but the memory kept playing over and over in your mind like a broken record and as if it was tattooed into your brain. but one of those tattoos you get on holiday and choose not to speak of ever again if it can be helped.

sitting at the end of the hospital bed, your hand clutched tightly to yours. as though the pair of your lives depended on it. tears were welling in your eyes but none fell across your cheeks. your siblings and dad sat in the room and your boyfriend, dom was stood behind you, holding your free hand.

the room was dead silent, only the sounds of the heart monitor and all the ivs and god knows what other tubes and drugs were keeping her here. your mum had been sick for a while, you'd all kind of knew from day 1 there wasn't a good chance she'd make it, but you all had hope. god it was her being so determined she'd get better that'd kept you all going.

and probably her going too. she seemed so distant sitting there, her eyes didn't have their usual light, they merely seemed two small holes to see out of. she was so thin but seemed to be so heavy, like there was an additional baggage she couldn't keep holding much longer.

her voice was raspy but not how some have naturally deep voices, as though bark was stuck in her throat. you all looked up as you saw the nurse coming in. you all knew what was going to happen. "you can say your final goodbye" she said. everyone had said their goodbyes already minus you.

holding her hand tighter than before, tighter than you thought possible. "i don't want you to go" you choked through held back tears. "i know, i know" your mum said with her tired voice. you kissed her hand as the nurse went over to turn off the life support machine. she took her final breaths before the heart monitor reached a flat line.

she was gone.

and you couldn't think past that. you shot up in bed, screaming and crying impulsively, right there in the middle of a panic attack. dom was obviously startled to be woken by screaming but immediately knew what had happened. sadly this had become a regular occurrence over the past month. "hey, hey, deep breaths bubba" he said, grabbing you and holding you to him.

you still wanted to scream and thrash and sob but dom was trying his hardest to calm you down. he held your hand in his as he tried the mechanism that he knew helped your attacks. he told you to focus your eyes on his hand as he moved his hand up and down your leg rhythmically and gently.

"it hurts!!" you sobbed. "i know darling, i really know" dom said. he remembered what had happened after she died. your siblings and dad's coping mechanisms of choice were to turn dead silent. of course they were hurt, but they didn't show it. you however were the complete opposite.

the second it stopped you'd broken down. the tears that had been filling your eyes for hours finally poured down your face like a waterfall and you collapsed into doms arms, too overwhelmed with emotion to function, even just keep yourself up. your dad had driven you two home and dom had to carry you from the car to bed.

depression had taken over your life. you had no motivation to do anything expect stay in bed. god knows where you'd be if you didn't have dom keeping you afloat. and if you didn't have the motivation, dom would do it himself. he'd made sure you kept your hygiene up, that you ate enough and drank enough water.

and he didn't expect praise or anything for it. he didn't need anything for it except to know that you're still ok. "dom, can i ask for something?" you said. "of course darling, anything" he said, kissing your forehead and running his hands through your hair.

"i really need to wash my face, but i literally have zero motivation i'm sorry" you said, beginning to cry again. dom wiped your tears. "hey, don't cry love, of course" he said. he scooped you up in blankets and carried you to the bathroom. he sat you on the counter of the bathroom as he wet a towel under the sink.

he wiped the towel across your face as softly as he could, cleaning you up as a small smile crept onto your face. "god you're gorgeous" dom said, kissing your forehead. you felt your own smile spread onto your face. sometimes just the reassurance that you were still beautiful to him was all you needed.

when he was done, he picked you up in his arms and carried you tight to your bedroom, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, in his gorgeous doncaster accent. you could listen to it on repeat for hours. and the rasp in his voice was a gorgeous one, god. he lay down with you messing with your hair softly.

"dom, can you just like, reassure me?" you asked. "of course" dom said, sitting you up in his lap, your eyes meeting each others. "i know it hurts, and don't make anyone fooking feel like you can't feel however you want, if you want to scream, scream. if you want to cry, cry your fooking eyes out and if you wanna break things then break em fooking good and hard"

"it's not forever darling. things get better. and it'll never fully go away. you'll have better days and bad days, no-one could ever have consistent good days. you're so strong, you've gotten through the past few years, you'll fooking get through it, i believe in you. and i'll be here the whole time" he said, holding your hand.

you felt tears fill your eyes but for the first in a long time, it was finally positive tears. "DOM!" was the only thing you could squeal, throwing your arms tightly around him, holding yourself to his chest. "thank you babe. that's all i needed to hear" you whispered, feeling at peace.

"come on darling, let's get some sleep"

*ok note madison, you are so fucking strong, you're amazing, valid, i love talking to you and writing your requests ilysm and you will get through this, my dms are always open ok love you*