Kong POV
knows I'm away from Mark. Oh god. Will she tell Park? Will they try and take me from my mate again? I don't want to be taken away. What if I run away? Take my babies and run away? No, No I can't do that to my mate or the twins. I wouldn't want them to grow up on the run, to grow up in fear like I did, having to look over their shoulder. I could just leave alone. Leve them with my mate. Maybe I should have rejected my mate like I wanted too when we first met. The thought of leaving my P'Arthit breaks my heart and is causing me to panic. I don't want to leave him period. I can't let Chirawan, Park and Tae take me again. I don't want to go back to that, I don't want to endure that again. I just can't. I might not be able to mentally survive this time.
"ong...KONGPOB!" I jump moving back from the sound of my name, breathing fast. I look to see my friends, James and Tawin looking back at me concern expression on their faces. I remember Ming inviting himself, Yo and Aim over so we could all talk. P'Arthit was away for the day on business, and pawpaw said he was visiting a friend. That left me James and Tawin alone in the house. I know we are safe here, but I still got scared and was more than happy when Ming called. The subject of my kidnapping came up and it made my brain go to places I never want to revisit. We are sitting outside by the pool. Ming was sitting on a lounger facing me with Lamai laying next to him sound asleep. Korn and Sonny were also laying on a lounger on the other side of me asleep. Yo and Aim were sitting on the pool edge legs dangling in the water.
"Are you okay?" Yo asked as he stood up slowly approaches me. I watch him closely. I know I have nothing to be scared of my brain knows Yo would never hurt me, but my body isn't listening.
"You started crying and rocking back and forth" Aim said, not moving from his spot.
Tawin and James looking at me. Yo kneeled down in front of me touching my knee gentle. I jerked at the touch pulling my knees to my chest. I hate being touched. Only my alpha touch feels good anymore. Yo stays kneeling in front of me, hands on his knee
"Are you okay?" Yo ask worry lacing his voice.
"Sorry...sorry...sorry..." I mumble, burring my face in my knees.
"There is nothing for you to be sorry about Kongy" Ming says gently. They all know what I went through in the past, and though I haven't said anything about what I went through the last six months I'm sure they all know.
"I do though. I have a lot to be sorry for. I'm sorry that I'm so weak. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to fight them off growing up, or strong enough to fight them in the mall that day and got P'Kit hurt in the process. I'm sorry that I've dragged you all into my mess of a life. I'm sorry that you all gave up your lives for some silly little promise we made, that I never excepted you three to keep." I said crying into my knees, I hug my lets knees closer to my chest, rocking slowly back and forth. "I should have pushed you all away when we were kids. I should have rejected my mate when I first met him. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to do that and now he is stuck with a mate like me. I'm sorry that my sons were born to a mother like that. They are going to laugh at and look down upon their whole lives because of me." I hugged my knees tighter, almost causing me to fall backwards. I wouldn't care if I feel and hit my head on the cement. Maybe if I were dead everyone life would be better. "Maybe it would have been better if I never came back" I whisper. There was silence all around me, nobody said a single word. I don't blame them. I've been trying so hard since I got back and now it was all for nothing. It would have been better if I never came back.
"Don't talk like that. Please Kong don't" Yo said, his voice full of concern and sadness. "I don't want to lose my friend all over again" I lift my head from my knees tears still falling from my eyes. His eyes full of tears.
"I can't help it. Its how I feel. Its how my brain has been programed and wired to think."
"If you could go back, to when you first met P'Arthit would you reject him?" Ming asks. I look over at him nodding.
"yes...I would have worked up the courage to reject him. He would have found a new mate by now, and wouldn't be saddled with someone like me."
"What do you mean someone like you?" Ming asks looking at me confused. "You mean a smart, sweet, caring young man? Someone who loves his friends and is willing to put them first before himself?" He slides off his seat to sit in front of me, taken Yo place who has gotten up to sit next to me. "A young man who has been though hell and back and can still smile. Someone who longed for his mate to love him and accept him even with his scares? A young man who faced his fears and become intimate with his mate, even with all the insecurities he had?" I shack my head, disagreeing with everything he is saying. "You mean someone who faced hell and was still able to make his dream come true? Someone who worked his ass off to get into his dream collage, into the majors he wanted too, even after being told all his life he was worthless? Someone who took his younger brother in, to help him, so he didn't go through the same thing you did." I shack my head again crying, what he is saying isn't true it isn't me. Ming grabs my hands gently looking me in the eyes "Or do you mean someone who died after giving birth and still chose to come back because he loved his babies and mate so much."
"None of that is true and you know it" I say sobbing. "That isn't me, it was never me."
"It is you though Kongpob. You may not see it but its you" He says gentle. "You are all those things and more. Only some as strong as you could have grew up and lived their lives day in and day out, the way you did and still survived."
"No, you are lying." I say.
"He isn't Kongy" Aim said. I feel his hands on my back rubbing gentle.
"If it weren't for you, James and I would still be with Mark. We were to scared to try and run away, but you convinced us to do so, and know look. We are safe, all four of us are" Tawin said. I look over to him and James who was feeding Praew. I'm sure they would have gotten out without my help. They both were smarter than I was anyways.
"Those boys of yours" Ming said causing me to look at him. "They refuse to sleep without your shirt. While you were gone, Arthit had to wear a shirt of yours to put the boys to sleep. They refuse to sleep unless they had your scent. They love you more than anything. Arthit...The whole time you were gone he was a mess. If it weren't for his friends, us, his mae and Somasak, and most importantly the boys, I don't think he would have made it. He wouldn't get more than two hours of sleep at night for weeks after you left. It finally got up to six hours a night two weeks before Knott found you. He refuses to eat, claiming he didn't want to eat in case you were not being fed." Ming rubbing my hands gentle as I started sobbing again. "I can't tell you how many times I would catch him asleep with your favorite blanket. You say he would have found someone else? I doubt it. The man has pictures of you all over the house, at his office and even in his car. You ever wonder why you are here at Somasak, and not at your home? Arthit refuses to live there without you. He moved out of there not even a week after you were taken. The night Knott called and said you were found. As much as I give him shit, he loves you more than anything and if you never came back, he would spend his life looking for you. Looking to bring you home. And if he lost you...he told everyone he would soon follow. He refuses to live if you were not around." I start sobbing listening to Ming talk. I didn't realize how much my P'Arthit had suffered. How much he loved me.
"You never ruined our lives Kong" Aim said as he kept rubbing my back "We wanted to spend time looking for you. Us dropping out was our own chose. P'Arthit even told us not too that you would be upset that we did it, but we didn't care. How care we possible move on with our lives when you were not there?" I just shook my head again sobbing. How can they put their lives on hold for me. "You are our brother, our family, family always comes first." Ming arms wrapped around my shoulder pulling me to him. I burry my face into his shoulder as I sobbed out all my feelings. His scent wrapped around me like a warm cocoon. His scent always calmed me down. It always made me feel safe. Aim was right. We are family. Brothers.
It took a little while for me to calm down, but when I finally did the first thing my brain registered was the laughter of my twins. The second thing was Yo voice making funny noises to make them laugh. I pulled away from Ming, looking down, feeling ashamed, for the breakdown I just had. "Don't you dare say sorry" He said before I could say anything. I looked up at him opening my mouth to say something when he quickly shook his head. "I mean it Kongpob, don't you dare. You had every right to breakdown like that. So don't you dare say you are sorry." I let out a big sigh, rubbing the tears off my cheek, nodding.
"Thank you" I say softly. "Please don't tell P'Arthit about this. I don't want him to worry" I asked. Ming just looked at me but didn't say anything. I hope that meant that he was going to keep this between us. I walk over to Yo spilling when the twins see me and reach for me. I really can't see my future without my mate of my children, even when my brain tries to tell me differently.