Creepy Stories and Riddles

The Lovely Funeral

Inspired by Arielle North Olson and Howard Schwartz - "Ask The Bones"

One day, the wife's husband died suddenly by a heart attack. With no children around, she was filled of grief. Their only cow was lost, so she can't afford a proper funeral for her husband.

"How am I supposed to sell milk and butter? What else can I do for him?" she cried, "I bet that darn sneaky bug have my cow!"

The wife viciously knocked on the door. It slowly opened to reveal the elderly man with a sly smile. She inhaled the scent and recognized the aroma. Beef cooking in the oven? Oh how furious the wife was.

"Do you have my cow?" she questioned.

"What cow? I saw one roaming around my place! I decided to cook it into bits!" the man chuckled.

"That's it! That's my cow! Give it back!"

"Well bad for you young lady! Better luck next time!"

With that, the door slammed right in front of her face. She tried to brush off the anger, but the wife couldn't help the feeling of hopelessness.

"I guess I'll bury my dear the cheap way."

She went to the shed and shoveled to the Earth's core. Finally, her sweat was worth the pay. The shovel hit the dirt with a grumpy thump. The wife investigated the area and discovered a chest with millions of gold! Ecstatic, the wife paid the funeral in an instant.

There was a choir, priest, food, and refreshments. Instead of mourning, the husband's relatives had a lifetime experience. Piles of cake balls stacked as a pyramid awed the audience. The wife afford herself a lovely black gown to sign her dead husband she was alright.

The elderly man shot into rage. Where did the wife found all this money? How can she provide an expensive funeral?

"Where's your money? You stole the money from me right? You're a robber! A snitch!" the man pointed the finger at her.

"I discovered the money at the back of my yard." she explained.

"No way!"

He stormed out of the funeral and screamed a command to his wife.

"Grab the cow's skin and sew it on me! I need the luck from the cow!"

The man's wife thought he was mentally insane, but she zipped her mouth. She didn't want to anger her husband anymore.

The woman took a needle and started to sew the cow skin onto him. There was blood spurting in and out, because she had to make sure the skin secure. Despite the itchiness, the man was confident this was the way to go.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, hope this satisfy you."

She stepped back realizing how horrid the skin latched. The man walked in four trying to act like a cow. He muffled something, but poor wife didn't understand. Eventually, she ultimately decided to bring him with the rest of the cows they have. Slowly, the women couldn't tell the difference if that or this cow was her husband.

The butcher arrived to cut beef for the woman. She wanted to explain one out of the five cows is her husband, but it was far too late.

The beef didn't look like beef. So, the butcher examined the cow insides by dissecting the skin vertically. Paralyzed head to toe, he teared the cow's skin head and located a mangled, distorted man's head instead.