Die Trying | BTS

-Chapter ThirtyFour-

Serenity's POV

I want to talk to Tae but then I also don't want to talk to him.

What if he hates me?

What if he wants to us to break up?

Okay Ren when you talk to him just listen to what he has to say, don't say something that could make everything a lot worse. As I walk over to him, I notice that he's on his phone.

I kneel down next to him. "Hey Tae" I say to him quietly but loud enough for him to hear me.

"Yeah" he says not even looking at me. I don't like this. I hate him being mad at me and not looking at me.

"Can we talk please?" I ask him, he doesn't say anything he just shoved his phone into his pocket before standing up and walking away.

I don't think this will go very well.

I watch him walk to the door. He opens it and leaves not closing the door behind him. As he disappeared outside I look to J who was frowning at me. She then points to the door. Nodding at her I get up to walk out the house.

As I leave I close the door behind me. Once I was out side I notice him just standing there looking at the ground. I just walk up to him but he moves to the side.

"You wanted to talk?" He speaks with no emotion what so ever in his voice.

"Yeah I umm" Before I could get my words out he spoke up.

"Amber died today, that could have been you! You guys didn't even see the rogue that shot her, so they could have shot you and you could be in Amber's position right now! Now do you understand Ren? Yes we haven't been together that long but I would go out of my freaking mind if you died! I wouldn't be able to cope with anything I would become reckless and emotional, but you didn't seem to understand that did you? Ren I love you more than anything okay! I know I might have made you angry and annoyed this morning before you left but I don't want you to get hurt, yea I know that you can fight and protect yourself just like J can! I know you like going out with them and having fun but was today fun? Having Amber die? I'm not trying to sound horrible but, what I'm trying to say is that I worry about you! Every time you step out that door with your katana in hand I worry about you and thoughts like will she come back? Will she die? Will she be safe? All go through my head and I hate feeling like every time you leave the house it could be my last time seeing you! I know I can't control you, tell you what to do and I won't because I don't want you to hate me! I didn't like how we left it this morning, when you left I went crazy thinking about everything, I'm just glad you came home safe and are here now"

I just stood there. I listened to him rant at me. I didn't butt in or anything as I can tell he's been holding that all in all day.

He told me he loves me. But I've not said that yet and I probably won't now because it's too early, I have a hard time telling people I love them. Tae stood opposite me looking at me probably wanting me to say something.

"I don't know what to say after that, all I can think to say is I'm so sorry! But I can't cope being in this house I need to get out! I understand about you being worried but, I don't know how to say it, I need my own space sometimes meaning me alone! I like you being around me a lot but sometimes I need space, like haven't been with Hobi recently because I've been with you and I feel like I've abandoned him like someone would do to a puppy and I feel bad about that! I hated what happened this morning but I was just annoyed that you wouldn't let me leave, I will stay home at points but when I need and want to go out please just let me, just believe in me! Believe that I'll come back, believe that I'll be safe with the others believe in me for gods sake! I'm not stupid and I won't go out to get myself killed if I had wanted that to happen I would have done it already!"

I pause for a couple of seconds, as I think about if I actually want to say what I thought of.

"Not many people know this but I'm not used to having a caring relationship because my last one was horrible! I was made to feel pathetic and small, he never did anything for me, I had to do everything and it was horrible but I stayed with him because I thought I loved him but then I found out that I didn't! I also had to be independent when I was with him and I still want to be independent at times but at other times I want you to be around to help me, I just don't want to fuck up and I feel like I did this morning with that argument. I'm sorry Tae I really am please just don't hate me because then I would go out my freaking mind and most probably hate myself!"

It felt good to get the out but I was scared to tell him about my last relationship I hate talking about it, it brings back so many memories.

"Ren I will give you your space all you had to do was say, I'm sorry about your previous relationship I would never to that to you ever because your too special to me, I've not known you long but you make everything better and when you smile even laugh it makes my day because I know your happy! But please don't hate yourself, I understand now, I hope we can go back to being Ven as J calls us and not have arguments like that again because I hated it! All I wanted to do when I saw you come back was run up to you and hug and kiss you but I didn't because I thought you were still mad at me" he says finally looking at me.

"I'm not mad anymore, so I'll take that hug maybe?" Without thinking twice he pulls me into a super tight hug which makes me feel loved.

I know that Tae is definitely a keeper.

He then leans down and kisses me a little but then because because lip ring is a spiked one and not a completely ring like mine. They got tangled.

"All I wanted to do was give to a tiny little kiss and this happens" I start to laugh at how annoyed he got as it was cute.

Then the door opened. It was probably the best yet worst timing in the world.