when i see you

49

Zayn and Harry lie in bed staring at the ceiling just talking about anything and everything.

Zayn couldn't stop thinking about how his boyfriend actually wrote his own music.

This made the man want to know more about his music. Maybe he can buy something off of him.

"Hey, do you maybe have any of your songs with you right now?"

Harry looks over at him.

"Yeah. I write them all in my notes after I'm satisfied with the lyrics."

"Can I see them?"

Harry sits up as he nervously grabs his cellphone.

"Babe, you don't have to."

"I want to share it with you." Harry shrugs.

"Why are you so nervous?"

"Because most of them are really open and about past relationships. I've been heartbroken so many times I would usually just write about how I feel on paper right after. I never intended to write about them or even make it a song. It's like my hands and brain had their own thoughts. I guess, I don't want you to think any different about me reading this."

Zayn sits up.

"Harry, nothing will make me feel any different about you. I promise."

Harry nods as he unlocks his phone and hands it to Zayn.

Zayn opens his notes and opens the first one titled 'Two Ghost.'

He reads through it and smiles at how beautiful the words are.

"Wow."

"Is it bad?" Harry bites his lips.

"Not at all babe. This is, this is really good."

"Thank you."

"If you don't mind me asking. Who is this about?"

"Believe it or not it's about my ex-girlfriend. Before I actually realized I wasn't straight. I wrote this one about her. She broke up with me because she noticed I wasn't really devoted to her. She told me maybe I should figure myself out. It's like she knew before I did."

"Wow. It's so beautiful babe. Have you ever talked to her after that?"

Harry shakes his head.

"I'm pretty sure she knows now but I didn't want to open the wounds. I just let her go because it wasn't fair to her or myself."

"I get it. I've been there."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's hard to let people go but sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes you think you're meant for this person, or even meant to have some sort of friendship with said person but opening the can of worms isn't safe."

"Exactly."

"Whats Kiwi about?" Zayn asked confused as he scrolls through.

Harry eyes widened at the mention of the song.

"Nothing. Go to a different one."

Zayn eyes him suspiciously before opening the note.

He reads through it and laughs a bit.

Harry covers his face in embarrassment.

"Babe? What is this even about?"

"It was a joke my friends and I wrote together. It wasn't even suppose to be taken seriously but we just rolled with it and had fun making it. Its never gonna be heard by anyone so don't ask."

"Babe, I think this is actually pretty good! Did you guys come up with a tune for it?"

Harry shakes his head.

"If you ever decide to, make it rock. It'll be fucking fantastic. I'm sure people would jam to it and not even think about the lyrics because it'll get them hyped."

Harry hums. He didn't think that was a bad idea.

"What is the most heartbreaking song you've ever wrote babes?"

Harry grabs his cellphone before scrolling and handing it back to him.

Zayn looks down and reads through it.

"Wow. This is so personal."

Harry shrugs.

"What's it called? It doesn't have a title?"

"I didn't exactly know what to call it."

Zayn thinks before smiling.

"How bout From The Dining Table?"

Harry looks at him confused.

"Why that?"

"Because the song represents you being alone right? Being by yourself in your room thinking about the person who you felt so deeply about at the time. It's a perfect title for what the song represents."

Harry thinks about it and nods.

"You're right. That's perfect. Thank you Zee." Harry hugs him.

"You welcome Hazza."

"What about you? What's your most personal song? On Mind Of Mine?"

"Rear View." Zayn says instantly.

"Why?"

"It's about myself. I'm speaking to myself, telling myself that I can't trust me, asking myself about the things I've done and the things I could've done differently. It's about me not going back to being myself and telling myself that it's hard to love me. It's about me coming to terms that I dislike the man I am today." Zayn says honestly.

"Zayn, is that how you really feel about yourself?"

"For a while yeah. Throughout my life I've doubted I was lovable."

"You do know you are lovable. So many people love you Zayn, including people who's never met you before. You are very loved by many and-" Harry stops himself.

He wasn't ready to say the words out loud. Neither of them were ready for that.

But they both knew that it was there. It was no denying that that were in love with each other.

But they couldn't say it. They needed to hold off a bit longer until it's the right time.

Zayn smiles at him and grabs his hand.

"I know Harry. I do too."

Harry leans into the mans chest.

"Let's get some sleep."

Harry hums and the two soon fall asleep in each other's arms.