Nefarious

C119 - You'll regret it

I was too caught up in the situation to acknowledge that Xavier was approaching me. He shook his head, pulling me further away from the room. He didn't do it violently or anything, but it was clear to say he didn't want Alex or Jace to spot me there.

"You can be as rebellious as you want towards Alex to show your disapproval of evilness, but you will always love him, want him, need him. If you continue playing around with Alex's limits like you are at the moment, he might fall for a trap set by Hayden, which can kill you both. You're not responsible for your life only, you're also responsible for Alex's. It didn't feel righteous of me to play with Jace's life when I was human, so I didn't. He became important to me with time, despite his evil mind and unpredictable behaviour. If I lose Jace now, I'm a lost cause, hence why I'm doing all I can to adapt to this lifestyle. My point being, I don't regret letting Jace affect me, and neither will you. You can trust me on that," Xavier said.

I was confused by Xavier's calmness and ability to see past all the evil in Jace. He was acting so resistant towards the creepy chills that Jace send with only his look... like he was immune. I know he's not, he can't be. Therefore, I decided to stick around in hopes to get to know him better, his ways of handling it all and his possibly real attitude towards Jace.

"Did you read anything from the journal?" he asked suddenly. I nodded absently, staring at the random socks that were laying on the floor. "Do you see how we differ from you?" he questioned, his voice sounding both soft and calm. "Yeah, I'm much weaker and more stupid than you." He let out a chuckle and slightly shook his head, but only automatically, not because he was disagreeing. "You're just expressing what I was too afraid to," he said. "You were this afraid? This angry and confused?" I frowned. "Yes, but I was also seeing how Jace was frustrated by my silence. He wanted a reaction, a response to his doings. When I continuously kept shut, made him suffer the silence, he softened. I'm guessing you didn't read a certain paragraph, seeing as you didn't know this," he answered. "Which one?" I asked curiously. "As you must've noticed, Jace is quite cynical and believes his pride is relying on him being respected by others, especially humans. He doesn't take it very well when people talk back or go against him and all. Well, read paragraph five, page sixty-seven."

"The resistance to keep away from Xavier had taunted me for long, too long. I was for once allowing the rules to be broken, but only to a certain point. He was enthralled by the action, the heated osculation between good and evil - the forbidden crime. I was frustrated that I couldn't control myself, confused that I took so long to stop it. He was repeatedly saying he wanted for us to go further, and surprisingly enough, for a brief moment, I caught myself considering the idea. However, the thought wasn't long lasting, I turned him down. His facial expression spoke more than words could, and knowing Xavier, he wasn't going to say much. He simply let the few brave words escape his mouth; You shouldn't start something you can't even finish. I should have reacted differently, should've let him know he had no right to say such, but I didn't. Instead, I watched him walk to the bathroom to use my shower without asking. My abrupt indecision caused by my developing weakness for him is threatening my reputation and my leader-position. This is a matter of deterioration. I am slowly changing for the worse."

In Jace's opinion, Xavier reacted disrespectfully and Jace let it slide...? "You're right, you were really challenging Jace's ability to remain himself," I said. Xavier told me that Jace didn't say anything more that night, meaning Xavier had left him speechless. No human leaves Jace speechless just like that. "You probably will never experience that with Alex because he isn't trying to keep away from you, on the contrary, he's trying to change for your sake," Xavier said. "Why?" I asked confusedly. "He has seen your reactions and how much you disapprove of him. Of course, he wants to do everything to make you stay, however, it is doing him no good."

What Xavier said caused questions to run through my head, questions he was quick to answer. "There's a reason Xylan's here and why he's targeting Jace again. He sees the death of his sister Raven and," he paused, his voice trembling as he was about to say his dearest brother's name, "Zane as a downfall, a failure. Hayden's getting more brutal while Alex is getting softer. The way you're affecting Alex will backfire, Valerie. As much as you may hate the evil you see in here, you'll regret ever taking it away from Alex as soon as Hayden succeeds."