Tied Together with a Smile

Chapter 48

Charlie POV

"Okay, cool. God im nervous, what if they don't like the song? Or my voice?" I nervously rambled to Taylor and Jack. Last night I'd asked Taylor if I could release a song I'd written called Sober and add in a rock section to feature Demi Lovato, a singer Taylor and I both admire. We were sat comfortably on a couch in the recording room, waiting. Eventually Demi walked in and we started recording, me being anxious as ever. When I finished recording my part I came out and cuddled into Tay, hands shaking from nervousness. "Your okay babe, breathe." Taylor reminded me gently. I stayed cuddled into Tay even after Demi finished and left. Jack had to talk to me about the specifics of releasing and other stuff so we ended up being there from around 10 AM-2 PM before heading home to talk about my self harm. I'd woken Tay this morning with cuts again. As of 6 AM I wouldn't tell her where I got the blade. Truthfully when I'd gone out to get dinner I'd bought one. I was just too embarrassed to admit that the fucking urges were so bad that I spent Taylor's money (she gave me her card for dinner) on blades. Taytay had agreed not to push, telling me we'd go back to sleep and talk about this after recording. Once we got inside she took me by the hand and led me to the bar stools, sitting down on one and pulling a second out for me. Keeping my head down in embarrassment I sat, Olivia curling up on me, almost in a knowingly way to comfort me. "Angel, please tell me, where'd you get the blade? I'm not mad at you my love, I just need to know." That's when I knew that I'd need to tell her, she'd see the charge anyhow. "I'm sorry. I used your card and bought some." My voice shaky and unreliable, quiet whimpers leaving my mouth as I bit back full blown sobs. "Oh darling... when?" I sighed and pointed to the empty take out on top of the trash. "When you went to pick up dinner the other night?" My eyes still trained on her doc martens, I nodded slowly. "Sweetheart, why? Why didn't you talk to me baby?" She pleaded which made me sob harder. "I-I'm talkin to my therapist and she isn't doin anything to help. She she just keeps giving me goddamn breathing exercises!" I stuttered out, sobs breaking through. Taylor moved her stool up to mine so she could hug me tightly, knowing how much the pressure helps when I'm having a break down. "Oh baby I know, your trying your best. Do you think we could work on maybe an alternate way for you to tell me when your mind is acting up?" Tay suggested and I shrugged. "It's it's not like I can't say it, I can. It's just that my mind thinks that you'll be rude, or keeps telling me that it's such an embarrassing thing to be addicted to. Recently I-I've also um" I took in a shaky breath "my brain keeps telling me that your gonna tell everyone that im a weak broken fucked up girl. That your gonna post something online. I know it's irrational and crazy but I can't help it." I saw the electric blue eyed girl shake her head "I would never do that lovely. Your my perfect girl. Can you try and remember that no matter what your brain tells you, that I'm always here if you just need some reassurance? If you just need a text message that tells you it's okay to be addicted to self harm, or that I'll never hurt you, you can always text me. Char, do you know what I'd do for you?" I shook my head, Dibbles gently head butting my tear stained cheeks. "I'd lasso the moon. For you my darling, I'd do anything."

Hi! Here's more angsty things because I wanna. I'm 2 weeks in recovery from my eating disorder. So yknow, there's that. Suggestions? Opinions?

-Brooklyn