𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

Atychiphobia ~~ Comfort.

Atychiphobia: fear of failure, fear of not being good enough.

We have fears, we know fears; fear of the unknown, fear of dark places, fear of strangers, fear of the future,
But today I'll be talking about a particular fear called atychiphobia.

Have you ever sat and wished that you would return being a baby because that was the only way you could sleep and everyone else would be proud of you and that was the only way others wouldn't get to expect much from you?,
If you have then I assure you we've been on thesame boat or still is,

So I turned nineteen a few months ago and while so many people wished me a happy birthday, it wasn't really a happy birthday for me, I was exceptionally sad, I laid down on my bed in the room depressed, almost close to tears and clouded with fear, It wasn't because I wanted to die or wasn't grateful for an extra year, no, I am and will ever be grateful to God for that,

My fear was about the passing time, I began to wonder how the future would be like, the mountains I'd face, the trials, the expectations of others I have to fulfill and suddenly I wanted to be a bubbly kid again or even a baby,

Being nineteen meant I'm at the last teenage year of my life and I'd be officially becoming a young adult in months to come, it meant there was a life ahead of me, it meant there were obstacles to face and responsibilities to take up and honestly, being fully aware of these facts didn't help matters at all.
I had so many what ifs in my mind,

What if I never get to be a Radiographer (that's my future ambition)

What if I never get married at 25?, Which is the ideal age for marriage in this part of the world I come from,

What if I do not meet the expectations of my mother or those around me?

What if I do not become successful later in life?

What if I fail an important exam?

What if I don't actualize my dreams?

I could continue rambling, but these are a few questions that filled my feeble mind and that made me sad, scared and pessimistic,

Being a year older stirred up fear in me, fear of the passing of time, fear of how my future would look like, fear that the years would fleetingly pass by and one day (if Christ tarries) I'd grow old, get wrinkled skin and become a dependent once again,

When I was fiftteen, I had a lot of heights I had wanted to reach, a lot of feats I mapped out to achieve and one of them included finishing highschool very early and being a freshman at sixteen, that didn't work out, I failed a major exam which I have to resit this year for and trust me when I say it's not been easy for me,

I am the first daughter in my family and that means a lot of responsibilities and lately I've been scared of failing in these responsibilities, I've been scared I might not meet the required standards, it's so sad that sometimes I wish that I could get back being a child again who had nothing to worry about,

As a kid I had wanted to grow up quickly, become a lady, fulfill my dreams and eventually get married but I think it's been the reverse of recent,

I get it, there are a lot of dreams we want to achieve, people we want to please and want to be proud of us, most of us imagine a scene where we walk into a stage and heads turn to our direction in utter admiration, that was what I envisaged would happen to me, but life just have a way of changing our plans, Growing up for me is a difficult aspect in life,

The following  are lines from a song Jamie Grace wrote about growing up;

Can't come to the phone again
I wanna be alone again
i can’t face the world outside
It’s easier to run and hide,

From you,
From the truth,

I tried to make my plans
And hold my head up
I just want you to be proud,

I thought it’d be much easier
Grass much greener
But I let you down,

nobody told me
That growing up
Would be so hard to do.

You can discover that these lyrics hold truth in them, growing up is hard because it simply means that you are to start taking responsibilities for what you never thought of, I have thought deeply about this and I realized that overthinking, worry and trying to meet other people's expectations of you have not been really helpful, and so I have made these affirmations;

I am not going to spend another minute trying to think how to meet up with everyone's standards because it's my life not theirs.

I am going to take everything one step at a time, I won't force myself to do things above my capacity, I believe that when the time is right, it'll happen.

I'm not going to let their standards affect my life, I'd have to set my standards.

My life would be governed by God's standards alone, it only matters what He thinks of me.

The successes of others wouldn't be a yardstick to mine.

I am not going to lose the original 'me' in the proccess of being another person just because I want to be good ey for anyone (it could be a guy, I don't care)

Sometimes I wonder, these standards for marriage, these standards for education, these standards for beauty, who set them?

Humans like us right?,

And not God,

So why should it trouble us, when it's God that has the final say about our life, when our lives are governed by his perfect will and He has our destiny planned out,

Why should human standards matter?

They set these standards for all humans forgetting we're different people with different destinies and we all can't be thesame,

I am not scared of taking responsibilities, I'll handle it to the best of my abilities and I do not care what others think or say, right now I'm not interested in writing four top notch books at sixteen or being a straight A student or getting married at twenty-five, of course those are enviable things but if it's done to prove myself to people then I won't force it, I chose to act according to my capabilities and if I won't get praised for it then it's okay for me, that way I know I'm not a disappointment to myself,

I know it's hard to be awfully intimidated by the feats of your peers but then if your  reason for working hard is to look good in the eyes of others or for the fear of not wanting to be called a failure then you might end up losing yourself in the proccess which is definitely not a good thing,

Getting married at twenty-five is okay and so is getting married at twenty-seven.

Getting B's and C's is still great.

Being a doctor is a good thing and so is being a teacher.

Getting admission into college at eighteen is okay but it doesn't mean you're a failure if you get in college at twenty.

Having a degree is a good thing but you do not have to hate yourself if you don't have one.

Let your achievements and the things you do in life be borne out of your passion for them and not just for the fact that you want to be good enough for people.

I know a lot of us are obsessed with making it while we're young, but girl chill, the world doesn't revolve around you, your time is coming and you don't need to overwork yourself especially if it's to escape being termed 'not good enough'

As I write this, I am still in the process of accepting all my affirmations but I know I will and you will too, it just takes some time,

Dear girl, I believe in you and I know you're strong and you will definitely overcome all your fears, I believe you will do just fine, you don't need to be good enough for somebody, you're okay the way you are,

Just learn to take life one step at a time,
I repeat, do not lose yourself trying to be good enough for anybody,

Just Be You.

Adios strong girl 💞.

PS: if you need anyone to talk to, you can pm us or message me comfywrites.