𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

Friends or just comrades, they're precious~ Terralyn

Hello everyone! I'm back! It feels like I've been gone forever...

Anyways, that aside, back to the point (that was never there to begin with).

Recently, I had started to think about killing myself. The pressure and rules my mom constantly dumped on me was painful enough, but then she started on my little bro.

Yes, my little bro who she insisted that I don't pressure or make him worry, due to a medical condition.

But there she was, pressuring him and making him worry about her expectations.

It was complete hypocrisy.

Although I am jealous towards my little brother because of how he is treated compared to how I'm left in the dust, I hated thinking about going what I am.

He was a lot more sensitive. He never had to deal with hardships and hate like I did, so he wasn't used to it.

And if I was suffering this much even if I was numb...I don't want to think about what he'd do.

So, a few nights ago, I decided.

I was going to take my life, or at least go unconscious.

Now that would wake my parents out of their stupidness. They'd see that their way of parenting was too much, at least for me and my brothers.

I was so focused on making sure my parents were asleep before sneaking downstairs to grab a knife, then killing myself.

However, the more I thought about it as the hours dwelled down, I got more scared.

I was going to die alone. I didn't get a chance to go to Confession. And you, my friends...would be suffering.

Stupid, they don't even know you. That inner voice kept on saying.

But I decided to leave a little suicide note on my profile page, the only connection I have to y'all.

It didn't take long for people to react. That shut the little voice up, at last.

I didn't want to make my friends suffer.

The last straw for me was when I remembered why I never self-harmed. I was occasionally drawn to self-harming, but my lifeguard training held me back.

I always heard that people would cut their wrists but...that's where a vital vein is. I was always scared that I'd kill myself instead of just cutting myself.

I know, I'm a coward with too large of an imagination.

I was scared of a slow death, dying of blood loss. I was scared of dying. I just wanted to teach my parents a lesson.

So, from my religion, to my friends, to my lifeguard training, I gave up.

For the rest of the night, I was shivering from fear and crying.

But that was much better than bleeding out on the kitchen floor.

So, please, before you try to take your life, remember your friends. If not your friends, then your comrades who've suffered similarly.

They'll feel pain if you die. And in the end, they might kill themselves too.

Although I'm not sure what I can define as a friend, just think of people you care about, and who care about you.

And please stay alive.

💖Terralyn💖

(I know this is more of a rant, but please understand. I'm recovering from the shock that I had a few nights ago...)