𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

Feeling Useless ~ Rylee

Hey everyone! It’s me, Rylee, back with another post on Autism. This time around I thought I would address a feeling I have been feeling a lot lately due to how my family treats and how I feel about my autism. Lately I have been feeling so useless, like I can’t do anything right or I can’t do anything by myself with the help of others. I feel like I can’t even talk about how I’m feeling to those who make me feel this way.

I’m going to be honest with you guys, when I was first diagnosed with Autism I just had recently accepted that I have Epilepsy. Now I had to go through that whole progress again with Autism. I was a little embarrassed to go around and tell people I have Autism. But now, I think the worst part is how some people treat me after finding out. Yes, I am very shy and I struggle to remember things like when to take my medicine or if I already have taken my medicine.

But for the most part I’m pretty great. The only thing I really struggle with my Autism is socializing. But I’m trying to work on my social skills and improve them, both online and offline. Mainly offline, but that’s hard when you’re not going to school in person. The other day I recently learned my grandmother doesn’t believe I would actually want to go back to school in person.

I don’t know why she would assume that. After all, how am I going to improve my social skills if I don’t get out of the house more and talk to people? Regardless of why she thinks that, next year if I can I’m going to try to get into some classes and activities where I can meet up with others and improve on socializing.

My family really doesn’t want me to get a job on top of it. So that's why, since I can't get a job where I get up and work, I'm looking into writing and streaming on twitch. I have one chapter finished of a project I've been working on for a while now. I'm just trying to find a title and description that will work.

As for the whole twitch thing I'm streaming games on there and I love to play games with my viewers. Games like Roblox, fall guys, among us, and so much more. I'm also trying to learn about editing and drawing more, and if I get good I might do that as well. I have a photography account on Instagram and I seem pretty decent with that so maybe I’ll try to make a small business out of that too.

Then I have you guys and SGC. I know it might not seem like a lot to everyone who looks at it but everyone here keeps me going. The friends I’ve met because of SGC have all been super kind and supportive. And I’d like to return the favor by being a good friend in return. Y'all have been my rock and I'm really thankful for that. Thank you guys.

Remember my friend I wrote about a while back? The one in my post about disagreements and misunderstanding? Yeah, things with my friend, who again I will call Tara in this post, haven’t really gotten any better if I'm being honest. It's so hard because I'm trying to be a good friend but I feel like she won't let me be her friend at this point.

It's a little hard to explain I guess. Since November she hasn't talked to us through text or anything unless we see each other face to face but that's about it. We’ve tried again to invite Tara to spend the night at our house with her sister Bailey, but it's usually just us and Bailey. It’s so much harder to be that happy go lucky girl I was before this situation.

I prayed to my God about the situation in hopes that He will help, but so far I haven’t seen any change. I know my God hears me but maybe he's just saying ‘not right now’. Regardless, I have to be patient with my friend no matter how hard it is on me. And I would talk to my other close friends about it but they just don't fully understand the situation.

It's like I can sit there and tell them about everything. It's the fact that they just don't seem to understand the situation fully. It's like they only see one point of view is the situation and that's it. So when I do talk to someone about the situation it's usually my sister and Bailey because those two really understand the situation we were in when it comes to Tara.

I can also talk to my friend Kim too. She’s usually always there for me and I’m there for her when she needs me too. We give each other advice when we need it the most. (Although she doesn’t always listen to my advice :/) Kimberly has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders and one of my closest friends to this day. She’s a super awesome friend and sometimes I wish she could just see that, maybe just maybe she won’t let guys walk all over her.

Kim has always had my back for as long as I can remember, even when we weren’t always hanging out. And for that I’m thankful. Thankful to have a friend from God who is still there for me. Kim is even trying to help me move out of my current home and is supporting every step of the way. I know that with the help and support of my friends like Kim I will be able to do the things I want to one day. Until then I guess I will do what I do best and write.

Remember guys, if you're feeling useless remember you’re not. You can do many things and have the ability to change the world by what you do. Don’t give up just because things are getting rough, keep pushing and follow your dreams and goals. I know life gets tough and tries to convince you otherwise but don’t less. You’re not useless and can do anything you put your mind in as long as you put in the hard work. And let your friends support you through the tough times too. See you guys next time! 💖 midnightdeadroses