𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

Opening Up About Eating Disorders - Savannah

GUYS! GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!!!!

Today's

*Whispers* Thurrrssssddaaayyyy... ( posted this the SECOND before it turned 12 A.M. So yes, it was Thursday when I posted. XD)



Okay, yes. I'm sprouting random nonsense to try covering up the fact I've been totally MIA.

I'm really sorry about that.

I have a few announcements.

Or one, I really can't remember. XD

So. The reason I've been super absent is because everything's been SOOOO crazy where I am.

AND there's lots and lots of school that I'm behind on.

Among other things.

But,

I know that things are going to be getting MORE crazy when school starts.

Which is why.

I've decided to become an Honorary Admin instead.
This just means I won't be posting as much (not like I was posting lots before. I only had one post. XD XD).
I will try my best to be here though!



So.

I have a topic I wanted to post about today.

And I'm kind of writing as I go. So I don't know if this will be a long post, or a short post.


Eating disorders.


I'll be honest. I don't know much about eating disorders.

You guys:
So why are you talking about it?

Me:
*gently puts hand over your face* Shhh. Hush child and listen.

Jk. Jk.


Okay. So like I said. I don't know much about eating disorders.

In fact, at a certain point, I think I was afraid or nervous to go into the topic of it.

I think maybe I had friends with signs of it or something when I was younger? I don't know.


And forgive me if I somehow mess this whole thing up on here. And if I offend anyone, trust me. That's the last thing I'd like to do. I'm trying to be brave and admitting things that I'm scared to admit. And I'm bad at talking most of the time honestly.

I may also be kind of blunt.


Now, I'm diving straight in and saying, I've always bee self conscious with my weight.

When I was younger, I was overweight.

You know, when I was in school, people talked about me sometimes behind my back. That sort of stuff. But it didn't bother me much because it was a few people and the friends I cared about didn't care about my weight.

At least I thought it didn't affect me.

But as I got a little older, I started becoming MORE self conscious about this.

And it didn't help that I overheard my family talking about me being overweight almost all the time.

When they were talking among themselves, they thought I couldn't hear them.

But they also told me a few times that I needed to lose some weight. Because it isn't healthy for me.

Okay. More than a few times.

But they were just trying to look out for me.



Either way, it still kind of affected me because I was pretty young and I was told I was VERY overweight almost all the time.

The year my mom took us out of school and started homeschooling us, she wanted to take us on a cruise (some friends of my dad and her bought them two cruise tickets when my mom graduated college and she wanted to show us how fun it was).

That year, I also had a flair up of my RSD (it's a rare-ish medical thing I'll explain another time) which caused me to have physical therapy again.

My physical therapist worked me hard. And I was given exercises that you see in that super intense workout videos.

And my mom had me do them (because we've had terrible experiences with RSD and without physical therapy, it gets worse. And it's overall super hard. And kind of scary if it gets out of hand).

I couldn't get out of it because every day. Two or three times a day, she was there doing them with me (which I thank her so much for because I don't think I would have been doing it without her).

And at the time, my mom and I were also going on a diet. Because my mom wanted us two to lose weight before the cruise.

I stuck to the diet (that we went to the cruise. Which was our plan. Diet till the time of the cruise).

And we went to the doctor for a check up and to get some seasickness patches to help (though for the first two days, literally all I did was sleep. XD).

And by then, I had lost maybe 20 - 30 ish pounds?

The doctor said I lost a lot of weight, my mom asked him questions, and he said I was in a good, normal place with my weight.

I hadn't realized how much weight I had lost. And when I had realized it, I felt happy and content with my weight.

My aunt came over once, and freaked out because she hadn't noticed how much weight I had ACTUALLY lost (she lives 3 - 4 hrs away from me. So it had been a while since she had seen me).

I was happy. And I had never realized I had been able to lose weight like this.

Now, this all had happened in a span of two months.


(Random: So, I'm now realizing so far I already have 830 words. This IS going to be a long chapter)


We went on the cruise, and we had a blast.

But I realized something a little later.

I didn't eat as much as I usually did.

I used to eat A LOT.

Like, I won't say how much I ate as a kid.

But hey, I have three brothers who eat like crazy.



So, I paid no attention to it. I was eating a normal amount of food now

And that's how it was for a while. I ate a normal amount of food. And I felt happy with my weight.

Until I didn't.

But, at some point I started seeing myself as overweight again.

When I would change, I'd look at myself in the mirror and see every place I thought needed to loose fat.

I did/still do see fat in places that I'm pretty sure aren't really there.

I felt overweight still. And now, I'm admitting I still do feel slightly overweight.

So for a little I decided to try exercising and dieting again.

But I have no willpower.

And exercising didn't work because I would never actually do it.

And so I decided on dieting.

I tried doing it the normal healthy way, but I also couldn't help eating some things every now and then that I didn't consider 'diet worthy'.

And I didn't realize it till a month or two ago,

But I've gotten to a point.

Where I don't eat a whole lot.

I skip various meals because I don't feel hungry.

I think I've unconsciously gone two or three days on one meal before (going three days on one meal isn't often though)

And a lot of times, I'll have either one meal a day or I'll have one meal and some snacks for two days.

Without knowing most of the time.

And it's not healthy.

I skip various amounts of meals. And it's summer on top of that. And with my health condition, I tend to get super dizzy very easily. And I've been RIGHT on the line of passing out quite a few times.

Even my mom has noticed some of these things and the last week or two been warning me to eat. And telling me I'll end up in the hospital.

I try to force myself to eat more. But feel incredibly nauseous if I try too much.

She thinks I'm becoming anorexic.

And I've had the thoughts before (that I might me anorexic)

But at the same time, I know nothing about this, and am not sure because I don't think I have all of the signs (and my brain's saying I don't have many of them at all either)


So. Here I am. Confused as heck. And doubting whether I should even bring this up to someone because I'm afraid I'll be told off or something because people have more signs then I do, or their signs are more extreme.

But it's okay to tell someone. They won't do that. And if they do, first off, let me punch them in the face for you. Don't doubt that I will.
But, in case we have to handle things the right way, ask them what you do then. Because it isn't healthy. (I'd add in sure as heck while talking to these people, but I probably need to be a nice person, huh? XD)

So, I noticed these things before my mom (and I've kept some things from her too. Which I know isn't right. But I'm kind of afraid.) and didn't tell her out of fear and a bit of shame.

But I shouldn't be ashamed.

This wasn't my fault.

I didn't make my body start rejecting food.

And for those of you who either are going through something similar, you guys too. You didn't force your body to start rejecting food or wanting a lot of it.

You didn't do it.

And it's okay to tell someone you trust to help.

I'm going to start slowly having myself eat more (a little at a time till my body gets used to it) and more (but not too much to where we throw it back up).

But guys.

This is a serious thing.

You and I NEED to tell someone.

I know it's hard to, but I don't want you guys ending up sick.

Please. This is serious.

And if any of you need to talk about it, or need help, I'll try my best to be here when you need to talk.

And if you need to talk about anything else.


If I'm not in the inbox's all the time, or a lot, I'm sorry for that too. I have a lot of things going on. And can only talk at certain times.




Now. Tell me how I did. *cringes* Was it bad? Cringey? Good? Okay?



Love all of you guys so much! Bye you beautiful people!




- Savannah W.

(P.S. That's how I'm going to sign off in comments. At the end of each comment, I will attempt to remember to write Savannah W. At the end. Dunno why. XD)