𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

Depersonalization/Derealization

Author's note: I'd like to start this off by saying that I'm choosing to remain anonymous for this post, but if you'd like to talk to someone about this who understands, PM the account specifying that you came from this chapter and I will be answering messages.

What is the difference between depersonalization and derealization?
- Depersonalization: the state of mind where the self appears to be unreal
- Derealization: a feeling that one's surroundings are not real
Essentially, the different is that in depersonalization, you feel as if you aren't real, whereas in derealization, you feel as if your environment (other people, events, etc.) aren't real

What It's Like Living With Both
I have suffered from both since the age of 5 or 6, and over a decade later, I'm still suffering from it. Both are surprisingly very common mental illnesses to have, but unfortunately, it isn't spoken about very often, which makes people such as myself feel very isolated when others can't understand. For me, I'll typically be going about a daily activity when out of nowhere, I'll feel as if either I'm not inside of my body and that I'm an onlooker, I'm being controlled by something outside of my body, or nobody around me is actually real and that it's all a figment of my imagination. These "episodes" last anywhere between 5-45 minutes for me, and they're very scary as I'm someone who is terrified of isolation.  I used to have between 5-7 of these in a day, but especially as of this year, that number has lowered to one or two a week, which I am extremely grateful for.

Seeking Help and Moving Past the Stereotypes
If you feel that you're experiencing the symptoms (look up a full list!) of either, consider talking to your primary care provider and then speaking to a psychologist, as it is a very tough mental illness to work through on your own.
I've definitely experienced my fair share of stereotypes from this illness, but I promise you that feeling like things aren't real doesn't make you "crazy", just as having the flu doesn't make you "weak".  It simply means you have an illness that needs to be treated.
Because of the stereotypes, both illnesses are not frequently spoken about, which makes for a very stressful experience when you have the so-called "episodes" in a public setting.  It's often hard to explain to others why you blanked out and couldn't focus in the middle of the conversation, as well as finding people to relate to the struggles you face.  Either way, remember that you are doing great and that nothing matters more than your own well being.

As previously stated, I am choosing to not include my name or username in this post, but if you'd like to talk to someone who can relate, PM the account specifying that you came from this chapter!