Devoted S.M

•Fifty-three•

"I understand that what Eloise did was wrong, but Shawn she's a pregnant women all alone in a big house" my mum explained.

"I know and, trust me, I hated leaving her but I can't forgive her just like that" I replied.

"Maybe you need to come up with some sort of plan or arrangement.
Lay down some boundaries and plan dates to meet and that" my dad suggested.

"I don't want the communication between us to feel forced" I rolled my eyes before leaning back and taking my hands to the back of my neck in frustration.

"Well you can't just be off with her when you feel like it, it's not fair on her" mum explained and I just nodded along.

"I know, but I just don't know how to act with her for now" I replied, rubbing my hand along the back of my neck.

"Like I said, just don't talk to her for a little while. Give yourselves both sometime to clear your heads" dad explained.

"Okay" I nodded in response, my dad probably being right about what I should do.

"But for now, tell us all about the baby" my mum eagerly awaited, causing me to smile.

-x-

11:42pm

I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was racing about nothing else other then Elle and the baby. All I could think about was how we're suppose to manage taking care of a baby together when we can't even take care of ourselves.

A little part of me is happy that I'm going to have my own baby, but the most part of me was beyond terrified. To me, I still feel like the same 18 year old boy who had only just started college. I felt like I wasn't ready for a baby.

Yeah, I may have to agreed to trying for a baby will Elle but I don't remember that. I know I've always wanted a family, but I had always thought that having my own child would be so much more of a happier experience.

While I struggle to comprehend the new responsibilities I'm going to have to take on, I am certain of one thing. I am certain that I'm going to try my hardest to be the best father I can be.

Sitting up from my bed I pulled the covers off me before standing up, giving up with even trying to fall asleep

Scratching my fingers across my bare chest I walked over to the end of my bed, where I had left the stack of boxes I had picked up from Elle. 

Grabbing the top box I placed it onto the top of my bed before sitting next to it. Reading the top of the box 'college' was written across it in black marker.

Pulling the tape off the box I opened it up before peering inside to see what Elle had packed for me.

The first thing on the top of the box was a burgundy jumper. Pulling it out I unfolded it and held it up infront of me. The jumper had 'Mendes' written in bold letters on the back and a large number 12 underneath it. This must have been my jersey for basketball.

Laying the jersey on the bed I then reached back into the box before grabbing out whatever my hand came into contact with. Pulling my hand out the box I looked down to see myself holding a photo frame.

Inside the frame was a photo of me with a group of guys. I was wearing my jersey and so were all the others. I could only recognise Kyle and Liam from the photo. All I could focus on was how big my smile was. I looked like a sweaty mess but I looked so happy.

I sadly smiled down at the lost memory before putting the frame down and pulling another object out of the box.

Looking down at my hands I had now taken out an envelope. Reading along the top of the envelope it was addressed to me in the most delicate handwriting.

Opening the envelope I pulled out the folded piece of paper before opening it up. Holding the paper firmly in my hands I lent back against the headboard before reading the letter that had been written for me.

To my love,

Today is our graduation day and all I have to say is that I can't believe we've made it. It feels like only yesterday that your drunken ass spilt a drink all down my new white dress!

A soft laugh hummed from my lips as I could only imagine what that moment would have felt like.

Anyway, you're probably wondering why I've written you this letter. I just wanted to tell you how unbelievably proud I am of you. I know I've already told you how proud I am but I wanted you to have my words in a letter so you could read and hear them whenever you need to.

My smile was faultless as I continued to read very precious word she had written.

I know how hard the past couple years have been for you and I am beyond proud of how far you've come and how hard you've worked to achieve your dreams.

Taking my hand up to my face I wiped away the tears that had started to fall. I knew what Elle was talking about because I had struggled with my anxiety since the start of senior year in high school.

But together we have got you through that and it has been an honour to be by your side through all of this. I wouldn't have wanted to spend my college experience with anyone else and I am so happy to be ending this chapter of my life with someone as great as you.

All I could do was smile from ear to ear as tears continued to fall effortlessly down my cheeks. I was so in awe reading all her words, even if they pained me to know I was robbed of that memory.

Now, all I look forward to is our new chapter together as we finally share our very own home. I love you so much Shawn, and you will forever be my forever and always.

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Here's another chapter for you all! It's all so bittersweet. Let me know what you think!
💕💖