Devoted S.M

•Thirty-three•

10:29am
10th August 2019

Pushing Shawn's wheelchair through the hospital gardens it was a lovely warm day.

Shawn had his eyes peacefully closed as he held his head up to the sky, devouring the heat onto his skin.

There were also other people walking through the gardens, some were patients and some were their family members.

"The fresh air feels so good" Shawn sighed as I rolled him over to a nearby empty bench.

"How are you feeling now? Still in pain?" I gently asked as I put the break on on the wheelchair so Shawn didn't roll away.

"Yeah a little, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was" Shawn replied as I sat down on the bench, on the nearest end to shake.

"That's good" I said simply before looking forward, still feeling somewhat confused and upset about where Shawn and I stood.

"Elle?" Shawn said softly as I turned to him and saw him giving me a concerned look.

"Is something wrong?" Shawn asked.

"I'm fine Shawn" I sighed, swiftly rolling my eyes at how many times he had asked me.

"I don't you believe you. Something is obviously on your mind" Shawn insisted, his big brown eyes pleading at me to talk to him.

"I'm just so confused Shawn" I sighed heavily before leaning forward and resting my head in my hands.

Holding onto my hair I tried to not let myself cry as I hid my face from allowing Shawn to see how upset I was.

"About what Elle?" Shawn gently asked.

"About you Shawn, about us" My voice rose and became a little unsteady as I turned my head round to look at him, still leaning forward.

His eyes widened a little in sadness and guilt before he parted his dry lips to talk but he was soon to shut them again.

"And ofcourse you have nothing to say about that" I said, letting out a quiet sarcastic laugh.

"What do you want from me Elle? I'm trying here, to be nice to you and just be friendly. It's like you have to have an answer for everything straight away" Shawn widened his eyes at my reaction as he frowned his eyebrows at me.

"What do you mean an answer for everything? All I'm asking is for you to not keep giving me mixed signals? I snapped a little as I sat up, shifting over the bench a little so I wasn't so close to him.

Shawn turned his nose up at my movement before raising his eyebrows at me.

"Mixed signals? What mixed signals?" Shawn asked.

"How about when you kissed me last night before your surgery?" I reminded.

"Elle, my head was fucked. I had been dosed on drugs and my emotions were all over the place. It was just a spare of the moment thing" Shawn explained, his voice breathy.

"Is that all it was to you? Just a meaningless kiss?" I asked, the ache in voice being clear as a lump formed in my throat.

"I mean, yeah" Shawn quietly sighed causing my eyes to widen at him in hurt.

Feeling tears sting my eyes they soon began to fall slowly down my cheeks.

"Look, I'm so sorry Elle, but it's not fair for you to expect me to immediately fall inlove with you again. You can't expect me to just act like I never forgot who you are" Shawn explained before I then stood up, wiping my tears harshly away with my sleeves.