Devoted S.M

•Twenty-seven•

Better in Time by Leona Lewis
'It's going to hurt when it heals too'

9:25am
9th August 2019

"We're inlove with eachother Shawn"

Shawn just sat there staring at me, his eyes big and a little glossy as his face only read with confusion.

"What?" His voice was croaky as he frowned his eyebrows together.

Reaching towards him I gently placed my hand on top of his as his eyes fell down to where I was holding him.

"We've been together for two years" I sighed, my voice a little shaky as I felt my eyes begin to water.

The pain I was currently feeling was like no other. It was a confusing type f pain. I didn't understand it but I could feel it digging it's way into my heart. Having to explain who I was to my boyfriend was agony, yet it still hadn't sunk in that that was the case. It hadn't sunk in that he had no clue who I was.

"But I've never had a girlfriend, I literally only just started college" Shawn shook his head in denial as he tried to pull his hand away from me but I was in too much desperation to let go.

As I held even more tighter onto his hand so he couldn't pull away Shawn brung his eyes up to look at me. His eyes were wide as he stared at me, burning with tears and just utter disbelief.

"You're not in college anymore. We graduated over six months ago" I said, feeling tears fall down my cheeks as I moved my seat closer to Shawn as he remained in one position.

"No! I don't know about you but I graduated from high school six months ago" Shawn snapped a little, this time tugging his hand away from me as he shuffled back in his bed so he wasn't so close to me.

"What date is it today Shawn?" I gently asked him as I watched his distraught face stare at me in confusion.

"November 6th, 2016" Shawn answered, his eyes cautiously watching my face.

"Fuck" I cried as I dropped my head into my hands.

The tears become uncontrollable as my hands filled with puddles of water. I scratched my fingers into the tops of my hair as I lent forward in my chair.

November 6th, 2016, was two weeks before the party. It was two weeks before the day I met Shawn. Shawn's memory was only two weeks off remembering who I was, even if that had meant he would only have known my name.

I could feel this pressure against my chest as deep and unsteady breaths left my lips. I tried to control my crying but it was no use because each second that I thought about Shawn it just hurt even more then what was already possible.

"I'm sorry, I really am sorry" Shawn sighed as I remained with my head in my hands.

"I just don't remember you or ever being inlove. I mean I'm 18 year olds, I've never even slept with a girl" Shawn's lips escaped with a small and achey chuckle.

Slowly lifting my head up I looked over at him to see his lips pulled into small smile before falling into a sympathic frown as he stared back at me.

"Today's the 9th of August, 2019. Yesterday was your 21st Birthday" I mumbled as I wiped harshly at my wet cheeks with my sleeves.

"What?" Shawn pulled his eyebrows together as his eyes narrowed at me and his whole face turned pale.

"Last night we threw a surprise party for you and at some point you left me to go to the toilet and the next time I saw you were collapsed on the ground infront of me with two bullets, one in your chest and one in the back of your head" I explained as Shawn remained with the same shocked expression.

Lifting his hand up Shawn slowly and carefully placed his hand on the back of his head. As he found the spot when he had previously been shot his face contorted a little from the stinging pain.

His thumb gently guided over his shaved head, so much sadness looming over his face as he realised his hair was near to being all gone.

"My hair-" Shawn sighed, his voice shaking in heartache as he let his hand fall back down to his side.

"I know, I miss those curls too" I gently smiled as he framed his eyes at me, just utter sadness filled inside of them.

"I don't understand any of this" Shawn held his eyes shut as he bit down on his bottom lip.

By now the tears were cascading down his face as he sat there completely unrecognizable.

Rushing up from my seat I moved over to the side of him before carefully placing one of my hands at his cheek and the other at his hand.

"It's going to be okay" I said softly, trying to suppress my cries as I struggled to watch how much pain he was in.

Wiping my thumb along his cheek I gently moved it back and fourth as I tried to brush away each tear that fell.

Surprisingly Shawn didn't move away from my touch, but instead he just remained sat there with his eyes closed as he let his tears out.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere" I whispered before leaning forward as softly pressing my lips against his forehead.

I then rested my head to the side of Shawn's, letting my cheek rest against his. I could feel his hot tears all and stick against my skin as Shawn pushed his cheek gently against mine so he was closer to me.

Much to my surprise Shawn held that position as I felt his fingers intertwine with mine.

"I'm sorry" Shawn cried against my skin.

It was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest as I tried to listen to the pain Shawn's emotions were going through. I tried to hide my cries as I bit harshly down on my bottom lip.

"I'm so sorry" Shawn again repeated.

"Shh" I gently hushed as I moved my spare hand to the top of his head.

Softly brushing my fingers over his hair I tried to calm him down as his cries turned into hiccups from how much he had been crying.

"You have no reason to apologise, nothing about this is your fault" I whispered as Shawn's cries quieted down, his body still shaky from how much he had worked himself up.

"Its going to be hard but we are going to get through this"

"One step at a time"

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Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I've just been super busy. Anyway I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I actually feel like the emotion in this chapter really got me feeling😭
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