Devoted S.M

•Thirty-three•

"Then don't kiss me and don't be holding my hand like you do know who I am" I snapped, my voice breaking as Shawn stared helplessly up at me.

"Elle, please just sit down and talk to me" Shawn sighed, trying to lift his hand up to hold me but being too weak to do so.

"And talk about what? About how you don't know me and how much pain you're in? Am I suppose to just sit here and let you hold my hand and act like it doesn't mean anything to me?" I completely broke into tears.

"This is hard for me too Elle. All I ask is for your patience" Shawn replied softly as he sadly watched me cry.

"I can't just be patient for you Shawn, it hurts too much to sit here everyday and have you hold my hand like it means nothing" I sighed, reaching my hand up to the back of head as tears continued to sink down my skin.

"Holding your hand does mean something to me" Shawn narrowed his eyes at me as I sluggishly let my arms fall to my side.

"What?" I asked, my throat now hurting.

"I may not love you yet and it may not mean the same to me as it does to you, but when I get to hold you or you get to hold me it brings me comfort and safety" Shawn explained softly, creating a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

"Really?" I mumbled.

"Yes really" Shawn nodded.

"I am willing to give us a chance and I am willing to get to know you again. But to do that all I need is you to be patient with me and understand that this isn't going to just happen in the blink of an eye"

"As soon as I get out of here and on my feet again you and I will go out and do the dating thing" Shawn continued as my tears dried up.

"But right now please don't pressurise me to act in a certain way or to shoe you certain feelings. Just let me do what feels natural with time"

"Okay" I nodded as I embarrassingly looked down at my feet.

"Can we head back inside? I need to use the bathroom" Shawn asked quietly, the awkwardness from what had just happened being very clear.

"Sure" I replied before going behind his wheelchair and pushing him.

-/

12:14pm

It was nearly two hours later and I was currently sat in the corner of the hospital doing a crossword in the back of a newspaper to fill sometime.

A few of mine and Shawn's friends were here visiting, that being Kyle, Emily and ofcourse, Liam. I hadn't sat by Shawn's bed since our little argument earlier. I'll be honest, I was too embarrassed and awkward to have a conversation with him.

"I just got the throw up from Eloise out of my car" I heard Liam chuckle my name, causing me to instantly roll my eyes.

However, in the mids of an eye roll I felt something go off in my mind and something turn in my stomach. I felt something tick off in my brain as if a sudden realisation had occurred. I suddenly remembered that I threw up alot yesterday and that I've been feeling so off all day that I haven't even been able to eat.

"Fuck" I accidently cursed out loud as I realised what all these signs were pointing towards.

As soon as I said that I felt everyone's heads snap towards me.

Looking up at them I must have had the most widened expression on my face as they looked at me with concern and confusion.

"Everything okay Eloise?" Heidi asked as I looked past her and over at Shawn.