Fín {Third Book to Secret}

129

May POV

Harry and I sit in bed a few months later.

My bump is visible.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asks.

"Fine." I say. I look to Harry. He chuckles.

"What?" I ask.

"We're going to have four kids."

"It's our last one." I say.

"So, you're getting your tubes tide?" Harry asks me. His head tilting.

"Are you getting a vasectomy?" I question.

"No."

"Then, I'm not getting my tubes tide." I say defensively.

"It's different with you." My eyebrows furrow.

"I can't have kids. But you can."

"Why do you think I'm going to knock up some other girl or divorce you?" Harry asks.

"I'm not. I'm thinking about what if's." I clarify. "And if we ever get divorced I don't want you having another mother of your children." His eyes narrow at me. "What you want to get a different women pregnant?"

"No." He says calmly. "You're just over reacting."

"So are you." I cross my arms. "After I'm done breastfeeding this child I will go on the pill."

"No, you can get cancer from that." He defends.

"Then what do you want me to do?" I ask. "I thinking both of us getting fixed is pretty fair."

"Goodnight May." Harry says. My eyes scowl at him.

"Now you're dismissing the conversation that you brought up."

"I don't want 10 kids when I'm forty, I'm sorry."

"Who said we're having 10 kids?" I say.

"Me, if we keep going the way we are." I frown at his words and lay down. I don't face him.

I rest my hand on my bump and close my eyes. "Why are you even sad?"

I'm fucking emotional you cunt.

I'm pregnant.

My hormones are fucked up.

Shouldn't he know that by now? This is my fucking fifth time being pregnant.

"I'm sorry for hurting your feelings."

"If you're not excited for this pregnancy you could've told me." I said. I'm four months now.

"No, baby I didn't mean to come off like that." He presses himself against my back. His lips kiss my cheek. "I'm sorry." His arms hold me tightly. His hand rests on mine that's on my stomach. "Please don't think I'll hate this baby or I don't want it."

"I'm just an emotional mess." His kisses my neck.

"You're my emotional mess." He holds me more.

"I'm sorry for calling you a cunt." I say.

"You didn't though."

"In my mind I called you one." He snickers against me.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I murmur.

***

"Mommy! Daddy!" I hear my daughter shout loudly.

Harry and I both leave the kitchen and walk to where she is. "What is it?" I ask. Looking at her.

"BJ, he isn't moving."

Oh god.

Harry kneels down in front of the pig and rubs his back. "His chest isn't moving May." Harry looks to me with sad eyes.

I see Finn walk into the living room. "I forgot BJ's blanket u-upstairs. H-He likes t-to lounge on it o-on the floor. The vet s-says he has a bad back."

We all look at him with sad eyes. "What?" My son asks looking at us. His eyes fall to BJ who is on his side not breathing. "He's sleeping, right?" His eyes well up.

I pull him into my chest and he cries. Tears fall out of my eyes as well. I look at Harry who has sad eyes. Anne is holding her Dad's hand tightly.

~

We buried BJ in the backyard. That's how Finn wanted to do it. Finn put rocks around where BJ is buried so people know he's there.

He's in his room currently. June is my arms. I wonder if she's heart broken. I kiss the top of her head.

Owen is on the floor playing with blocks. His birthday was two months ago. He's two now. Anne is four. Finn is seven.

Harry walks out of the kitchen with a water. His eyes look gloomy. He sits beside me on the couch.

"I know we always made jokes saying oh how's he not dead yet? Now I feel bad because he's actually dead." Harry says while looking at me.

"I know. I feel bad too." I murmur. "I'm going to check on Finn. Mind holding June? She needs love right now." He nods and takes her out of my hold.

Anne is in the playroom with Buddy, Baxter and Max. I know she's sad about BJ too. Not as bad as Finn though.

I open his bedroom door and see he's lying down. BJ's bow tie is in his hand. My eyes sting.

"Hi." I offer while sitting by his feet.

"Hi." Finn murmurs sadly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sad." My son croaks.

"Wanna talk about it?" His head shakes no. I hold onto his leg. "You know BJ was very loved here. And he knows you loved him too."

"He died alone." Finn says. "I w-was upstairs grabbing a s-stupid blanket when he was dying by himself, scared. He's my best friend and I let him be alone." I feel tears roll down my cheeks.

I kiss the top of his head and stroke his damp cheeks. His hand holds mine and his blue eyes look into mine. They're welled up and sad.

I let him cry into me like he did this morning. I hold him tightly.

I was dreading this day.

A://N

hi

comment ? haha

Rip BJ

~lauren