Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Sixty One

May POV

I lay on the familiar bench with my legs up a little.

Harry is seated beside me holding my hand as Dr. Westfall takes the ultrasound.

"How have you guys been?" He asks curiously with a warm smile. He drags the tool over my bump.

"Good." Harry says. His thumb strokes over my knuckles.

"That's great." He smiles. Dr. Westfall turns the screen to us. "That's the little guy or girl. Around five months a gender should be visible." I bite my lip. "The heart beat is perfect and everything is great."

"Is there tests I can take to see if the baby is going to have like a birth defect?" Harry's grip on my hand tightens.

"Yes, um that's a thing. One is a percutaneous umbilical blood sampling. That is when we withdraw a small sample of the fetal blood from the umbilical cord. A different one is Chorionic villus sampling, that's more common."

"When can I get that done?" I ask.

"May." Harry says.

"There is nothing wrong with making sure that everything is okay with him or her." I say softly. I look to the doctor.

"Why don't you both go home and think about it, then give me a call so we can talk about possibly scheduling it. Besides that I'll see you five weeks for another check up to make sure everything is okay." I bite my lip and nod.

***

Harry and I are home. The car ride home was silent.

I slowly take off my shoes then look up to Harry who's staring at me intensely.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask Harry.

"Because I'm annoyed at the fact that you decided so quickly to want to get those tests done."

"There isn't anything wrong with wanting to get them done."

"That's not the point May." His voice deepens. "It's the fact that you didn't tell me you were thinking about getting them done. The fact that you didn't consult me on how I felt and overall you didn't even bother to ask me in the doctor's office what I thought about it. You just wanted to make that decision all on your own." His hand runs through his hair.

"I thought-"

"No! You don't get to give me your shitty excuses. I don't want my child being poked with needles and getting blood drawn so you feel better about this pregnancy." Harry snaps loudly. "Cause that's what they're going to do. Is that what you really want for him or her when it's only four months?" I bite my lip. "I'm so fucking tired of you not including me. Just because I'm not carrying the baby or anything doesn't mean I'm not just as worried as you. Don't you think I'm fucking scared that I won't see this baby to grow up? But I can't let that get in the way of my life and my emotions."

I remain silent.

My jaw starts to tremble and I bite down so he doesn't see it. "Ever since you found out you're pregnant you've been your old self and I don't like it. We're engaged now. You can't treat me like this."

I keep silent.

"Are you going to say anything or are you going to fucking go on mute?" His head shakes. He picks up his keys. "I'm going to work."

Harry leaves the house while slamming the door behind himself.

I slowly feel the self hatred rising in my chest again.

My hand rests on my small bump.

I was trying to make sure everything was okay with the baby. And of course when I try to do something and don't think it through, I end up feeling like shit and making Harry mad.

My eyes look to my feet. I was just trying to do something right.

~

I'm straightening up the house now. I always clean when I'm sad or nervous. Now it seems like both.

The front door opens, shuts, and then I hear footsteps. I look over my shoulder and see Harry.

He puts his stuff down my the side table and glares at me. "Why is your ring off?" His voice is deep.

"I was cleaning and didn't want it to fall off. It's on the table." I refer to the table near his stuff.

"I see it. You're rearranging pillows until you think they're neat, it's not really cleaning to where you need to take it off."

"I was doing this dishes before."

His head shakes and he goes upstairs.

Great timing May. Fucking fantastic timing.

***

We both get changed for bed in silence.

We both get in bed in silence.

He lays down and doesn't face me. His back is toward me and he's on the far side of our queen mattress.

"Harry?" He doesn't answer and I know he's awake. I frown more. "I'm sorry that I thought you wouldn't mind me getting those tests done. I didn't mean to neglect your feelings." No response. "G-goodnight. I love you."

I fix my pillow and lay down. My eyes are swollen and my chest hurts.

All I do is hurt him. All I do is neglect him. It's not even on purpose. I'm just...May.

I feel his body press against mine. "Please don't do that again." His voice is low. "You scared me in there."

I hold on his arm that is around me tightly. "I didn't mean too." I cry. His lips touch my cheek. "I-I know y-you're just as scared as me and I'm s-sorry I d-didn't i-include y-you." I manage to say through tears.

His hands hold mine tightly and he kisses my neck. "I'm sorry Harry."

"I know." He fingers stroke my skin. "It's okay."

"No it's not. I keep fucking doing this." I sob harder.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Stop doing that. I messed up, don't turn it around to make it seem like you did something wrong." I hold on to his forearms more.

"I love you too May." He speaks. "Did you want to get those tests done?"

"If this baby doesn't make it like April I at least want to know I took every test and knew i did everything just in case. I'm just paranoid." I murmur.

Harry doesn't say anything. He just kisses my skin and holds me tighter.

A://N

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~lauren