Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Ninety Nine

May POV

The only reason why I'm walking through the front doors of my house is because Finn wanted to see his father.

I want him happy so here I am.

Within a few seconds of us walking in I see Harry appear.

He kneels down and hugs Finn tightly.

"I missed you buddy."

"I missed you too Daddy." I feel my heart pinch.

"Did you have fun with Uncle Adam?" He nods against his Dad. "That's good. I'm glad you had fun." He kisses the side of his head then his cheek. "Why don't I meet you upstairs and we'll play with toys, yeah?"

"Okay." I see Finn smile. They break away from their hug. He walks upstairs and Harry and I are left.

I walk away from the hallway and look for Baxter.

"Can we talk?" I hear him ask behind me.

"No." I say.

"May, please?"

"I said no." I say, my voice deepening.

"I'm sorry." I turn around.

"When are you not sorry?" My eyes widen. "My god. After all these years why haven't you learned? After all these years why can't you man up and figure out what's good from bad? I can't keep doing this back and forth shit like I'm in my early twenties or even my teenage years. I'm 27 now nearly 28. This isn't what I want Harry. I thought after we had Finn things would change and they haven't. When will they ever change? You push me out when something bad happens and you revert to things that almost ruined our relationship. Is that what you want?"

"No, May I-"

"I know you're going to say you're sorry again. But I can't believe it anymore. All you do is say sorry and will you forgive me? I can only forgive you so many times until I start questioning if you'll ever actually change."

"What are you saying?"

"When we were yelling and Finn walked in I got a flashback of when I was his age and I walked in on my parents arguing in the kitchen." His eyes look down. "I don't want my son witnessing what I did. I don't want my son hearing us swear and name call. I don't want to be like my parents."

"We aren't."

"Really? We might not have the same history as them but lately we've been acting like it. My mom was heartless and rude to my father and my father was always there for my siblings and I during it. Sound familiar?"

"D-do you want me to leave?" His eyes meet mine. "If that will make you and Finn happy I will."

"You really think I'd do that to Finn? He just said he missed you. But I'll make you leave his life. How does that make sense?"

"I don't know anymore May!" Harry says. "I don't know what to do anymore!" His eyes well up. "I'm literally the worst father and husband in the goddamn world and you don't think I know that? Yes I'm a fucking failure at everything. The only thing I can do right is make my wife hate me and get flashbacks of her childhood. What does that say about me?" He asks. "Haven't you noticed it always takes to realise things when you leave? Why can't I figure out that I'm a lousy husband otherwise?"

I don't respond. He's only acting like this because his Mom is dying.

His Mom is dying.

His daughter died.

His first love died.

He's used to loss.

He's wants to push me away so he doesn't get attached because he thinks I'll leave him how they did; since he's used to it.

My eyes look up at him. His eyes are gloomy. He knows that I know why he's acting the way he has been. I can read it in his eyes as he can in mine.

After each loss he pushes me away more, I just noticed.

His green eyes break away from mine and they look down to his feet. I go on my tippy toes and hug him.

"I'm not going to leave you anytime soon." He knows what I mean by leave.

"I-I don't have good luck." Harry mutters against me. I feel his hot tears on my skin. "I don't want to be like this."

"I know." I murmur. "I wish you told me why."

"It's stupid, that's why."

"No it's not." I quickly say. I hold onto him more. "You need to start trying harder for us. I can't be doing it all the time by myself.

"I know, I'm sorry. I know that's useless now, but that's all I can say." My husband murmurs. "I-I didn't take the pills today and I threw them out if that counts as anything." He tells me.

"It does."

"I love you May. I'm sorry I'm a screw up."

"Stop talking about yourself like that."

"It's the truth."

"I used to think I was some ugly, fat, troll that couldn't be loved; only hated. I didn't let anyone in because all I knew was pain. I thought all of that was true but you taught me that I was the opposite of all those things and that I could be loved and that I was beautiful. Now it's my turn to show you the opposite of what you think is the truth for you."

"I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do. I have been equally a pain."

"No you haven't."

"Yes I have." I murmur. "I love you Harry."

"I love you more baby." He kisses my cheek.

"I'm still mad."

"I know." He murmurs. "I'll work on making you not mad at me."

"Okay." I say. We break away from our hug. "Finn is waiting." He nods. His eyes look into mine for a quick moment. Harry soon walks away and I wipe my eyes.

A://N

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~lauren