Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Thirty Nine

May POV

I've applied to 6 jobs so far and I'm pretty confident on half of them.

I should know if I got a job on one of them next week.

I keep telling Adam and Justin that once I get a job I'll leave as soon as I can.

They both always say the same answer which is that they don't care that I'm over their house and that I'm good company.

I still feel bad that I'm staying here so I've been a maid. I know Adam likes that I clean for them because he doesn't have too.

They're both out and I'm on my laptop looking for jobs to apply too. The door bell rings and my eyebrows furrow.

Adam and Justin are both at work. I slowly get out of bed and walk to the front door. I slowly pull back the door and see Sadie.

"Hello." She offers.

"Hello." I say. I let her step in.

"Adam has a nice house." My sister compliments while walking in.

"He does." I reply softly. Her eyes are soft while looking at me. I know why she's here. And she knows I know.

"I'm worried about him." I assume who him is and lick my lips.

"Why are you worried about him?" I ask.

"He hasn't gone to work in two weeks. Luckily Niall's been covering for him. The whole apartment is trashed. Everywhere you step is either glass or broken furniture on the floor. He keeps saying how he hates himself and wants to die." My eyes sting and my stomach drops. "But you look fine over here yeah?"

"Don't do that." I say.

"Do what?" Sadie asks.

"Don't act like I'm not the slightest bit affected by what's going on with us."

"Do you care about him May?" My sister asks.

"Yes, why wouldn't I?"

"Then why haven't you called him? It's been 2 weeks since you left and you guys haven't spoken. That's not going to fix anything."

"I know it's not. I'll talk to him when I'm ready." I say. Her eyes narrow at me.

"He needs closure May. Just talk to him. He broke his personal phone but his work phone is fine."

"Why did he break his phone?" I ask.

"Why did he smash all the mirrors and break all the TV's?" Sadie asks. "Unknown reasons."

"Is Harry safe in there?"

"No." Sadie says. "But he refuses to leave." I keep quiet and feel sick. "Did you leave because he got drunk that one night?"

"I wouldn't leave because of that." I say quickly. "Is that what he thinks?"

"Ask him." My eyes narrow at her.

"I left because he keeps hurting me in a way that makes me feel bad about myself."

"You told me the past 4 years he's been on pills that made him different towards you."

"What is his excuse now?" I ask. "He's not on those pills anymore, so that's not a reason to say why he was acting like an ass."

"Couples argue."

"Couples shouldn't throw stuff in each other's faces." I say. "I need to learn not to rely on him and that's what I'm doing."

"Any girl would die to have a boyfriend that took care of them financially."

"Maybe I would too if he didn't throw it in my face when he's mad at me." I say sternly. My hand runs through my hair.

"He needs you May." Sadie tells me. "Talk to him."

"I can't right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I know if I see him now I'll take him back and forgive him. That's not what I want to do now." I say. My eyes look back to Sadie.

"Just talk about what you want from him so he feels like he can have a chance to win you back." She says. "Do you not want to be with him anymore?"

"I want to be with him Sadie." I say with a sigh. "I just can't right now."

"May-"

"Sadie please just understand. Yes, I love him, yes I want to be with him the rest of my life, but we need this break. I know you're his best friend and you're worried about him but this is how it has to be. Me leaving was not to make him sad on purpose. I did it because I had too. I hate being away from him and hearing that he's not going to work because of me. I hate being away from him this long and not sleeping beside him. I hate it but I have to do it."

"Okay." She says simply. "You have every right to want what you want. But, he's a good guy May. His heart is big and he's capable of change and love. I hate hearing him say that there isn't anything good about him to love and that he's a worthless fuck up. He's far from perfect and needs to work on his temper but, he's sensitive.

Yes, he's some big fancy boss now. Yes, he's 6"2 and looks intimidating. And yes, since he's a guy he tries to come off tough. But you and I both know that he's not tough and he's actually soft in the inside. So, when the days past and you don't talk to him, keep that in mind. Because everyday you ignore him is each day he loses himself because he hates that he hurted you."

My eyes sting and I look to my feet.

A://N

Hello

Thoughts???

I have a poem book out called pillow thoughts if you wanted to check it out (:

~lauren