Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Thirty Eight

Harry POV (1 week ago)

"Fuck." I say as I slam down my phone on the dining room table.

It's been an hour and May hasn't picked up her phone.

I text her frantically, tears brim my eyes. I'm such a fucking fuck up,

I try calling again and sink to the floor. I wait a while until I call her again.

She's going to leave me.

I don't even have to be told. I know whenever she walks back through those doors she's going to say we're done and that she's leaving.

I know this because she said if I ever did something like this again she's leaving me.

A sob leaves my lips and I burry my head into my hands.

Why don't I just think before I speak? Why did I let what she say affect me so much that I said my apartment and told her to leave?

I take my phone that's on my lap and text her again. This time my hands are shaking and I can barely see my screen.

Harry POV {now}

It's been a week since May left.

Everyday I pick up my phone and debate whether or not to call.

I never do because she doesn't want to hear from me.

I lock my IPhone and throw it at the TV in the bedroom. The TV cracks and glass falls to the floor.

I slide off the mattress and leave the room. I step over all the broken glass and furniture that fills the apartment.

I walk to the door when I hear the door bell.

I swing open the front door and see Sadie. Her hand pushes the door open as I try to close it.

Her head peeps into the apartment and her blue eyes widen. "What do you want?" I ask.

"I was in the area and thought I should drop by." Her voice is soft.

"Great." I mutter. She brushes beside me and walks in.

"Harry what the fuck happened to this place?" Sadie exclaims. "It actually looks like a bomb blew off."

I remain silent and stare at my feet. "If you want to talk to May she's not here." I say.

"Why not?" I keep quiet and just stare at her.

"She left." I say obviously.

"Why did she leave? You guys were good and happy."

"Because I'm a fuck up." I say.

"Don't say that." I laugh.

"Don't say that?" I repeat. "How can I not? She finally had enough of me and left. I haven't been making the one person I love the most in this world happy Sadie. Lately all I've been doing is making one liners that hurt her. She has every reason to leave." I sit down on the floor in the hallway.

"What did you say?"

I explain everything. My eyes stare at my hands as I speak.

Once I'm done I look up to Sadie who's sitting across from me. "So May left because you said something mean?"

"Yeah." I mumble. "I've been doing that a lot though."

"Couples always say stuff they don't mean in arguments." Sadie says.

"I don't want to say mean shit to her though. It just comes out." I pause and press my head against the wall behind me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Have you seen the apartment?" I ask. My eyes look at her.

"I have." She says. "Are you going to clean up the glass?"

"One day."

"Harry-"

"I hate myself Sadie. Like I actually can't look in a mirror and like who I see. When we finally start to become good I fuck up and ruin our relationship."

"You guys are on a break."

"Until she decides to break up with me that is." I say aloud. Sadie tilts her head. "After Lily died I thought if I were to ever date someone again and we broke up, it wouldn't be painful. I already lost the one girl I wanted to love forever, so why would it hurt losing a girl who I didn't care about at all? But, I do care about May and this does feel worse." Sadie's blue eyes turn soft.

"You haven't lost her."

"Yes I have." I say.

"No you haven't. She still loves you."

"What's to love?" I ask. "Honestly, what's their to love about me?"

"Harry don't say that."

"All I can do right is be a failure and a fuck up."

"You're just saying this now because you guys are on a tough spot."

"We're always in a fucking tough spot and that's my fault. Everything remotely bad that happened in our relationship happened because of me."

"You guys need to sit down and talk about everything. It's not healthy to think like this, Harry."

"You know what's not healthy? I have this pressure on my chest that makes it hard to breath. Do you know why that is? It's because I can't be with the one girl who makes my world stop. I can't hold and love the one girl who I look at think of a future with. I can't think of anything but her and how much I wish I could go back into time and redo everything wrong.

When I think of all the recent times that I've made May feel like shit I feel my chest become tight and I can't breath. When I think about how I won't see her everyday my chest tightens. When I think about her eventually moving on from me and letting another guy love and take care of her, it makes me want to stop breathing."

The image of May cuddling into another guy and him holding her pops into my mind making my eyes water.

"I just want to die now." I mumble under my breath.

A://N

The (one week ago) part was just Harry when he was texting may after she left

Besides that

Obviously I'm not leaving wattpad

My friend dared me to post that "goodbye" part since it's April fools and all :) she wanted to see your guy's reactions and shit so be mad at her if ya hated the "prank"

Comment ??

What do you guys think of Harry's thoughts / feelings during this chapter??

~lauren