Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Eleven

{edited}

May POV

My head remains on his shoulder and my teeth pick at my lower lip.

I'm thinking.

My thoughts are clouded with what I should do or what I shouldn't.

He didn't leave me when I pushed him away or when I was a pile of depressed shit.

He stayed.

But I didn't throw stuff in his face, I didn't insult him, and my phase of that didn't last two years.

It could've but it didn't. But Harry helped me.

"I'm sorry, May." Harry repeats.

"Why are you only noticing the way you've been treating me now?"

"I-" Harry stops talking and holds me tighter. "I noticed I had a little mood swing." His voice is soft. "And I didn't notice how badly I was hurting you till now." His voice is low and shaky. "I-I don't know why I didn't realise anything."

"I know I should treat you better. And I'm so fucking sorry for how I've been acting." I close my eyes tightly. "Please, May don't leave. I-I know I don't deserve to have another chance but you're the only thing I have left that is important to me. I'll make up everything to you a-and put you first. I know me saying sorry doesn't fix anything but I can't be without you. I'll treat you right and work on being the man you fell in love with."

My own tears are pricking my eyes.

If I were to leave, I have no where to go. If I stay at a hotel I'll be in a lot debt, I don't want to live with Ronnie or Adam because I'll be a burden to them.

But I'm worried that if I do leave, Harry, he won't ever be the same. That spending time apart won't help, it will make him sad. And I don't want him to be more sad. Despite the way he's been acting, I do love him. But I feel like if I stay I'll seem like I have no self respect.

It would be different if he hit me. He never touched me in an abusive way so that makes me a feel a little better about my little self respect I have left. I wouldn't consider staying if he did. Hell, I would've left the first time he would. At least I know that I'm not that weak to let him hit me and stay. But he hasn't, so I don't have to worry about that.

"I love you May, I'm so fucking sorry." Tears drop from my eyes.

"You still hurt me Harry." I manage to say.

"I know." His hand on my lower back trembles. "I-I," He breaks away from our hug and cups my cheeks. His fingers brush away the tears on my cheeks and Harry talks. His green eyes are red and his face is flushed. "I promise I'll be better for us, okay? I'll work on us as my number one priority. I-I just need you now. I know I don't deserve to have anyone to go through this with but I need you." My teeth bite my lower lip. "I love you May, and I'm so fucking sorry."

Tears drop from his eyes making my body weak. I close my eyes for a moment and take small breaths to ease my nerves. "Can I see your medicine?"

"Y-yeah. Um, it's in the kitchen."

I follow him. He opens the high cabinet and hands me the white plastic bag.

The bottle looks new since it's only half way done. I read the little pamphlet that describes the medicine.

I look to side effects and see:

Dizziness
Mood swings: anger/sadness
Loss of appetite
Forgetfulness
Emotionless at times

My eyes peer back up at Harry and I stressfully tug my hand through my hair. I put the paper down and run my hands over my face. His eyes are on me and they look worried.

"If I stay, there has to be some sort of goal." Harry nods. "We need boundaries which consist of how the sleeping arrangements are now and kissing, and stuff." His eyes are focused on me. I let out a deep breath. "I'm not staying because I'm scared to leave you because I'm not. I'm not staying because I'm a push over who lets you treat me badly; I'm staying because I love you and I know you. I know that you'd never say a bad thing about me and I think the pills you were taking changed you into a different person." Harry opens his mouth but I keep talking.

"If you don't change and we are how we've been I'm leaving. If you say something mean to me again, I'm leaving. If you stand me up again I'm leaving. If you lie and or keep secrets I'm leaving. If you don't fulfil any of those promises you made about getting better and putting us first, I'm leaving. I know you've been in a dark place these past two years but I can't excuse that for what you've said to me or done. But, I'm willing to move forward if you don't do any of those things I mentioned that will make me leave." Harry nods.

"Can I hug you?" He asks me. His voice is low. I nod. His long arms wrap around me and he holds me tightly. "Thank you."

I don't reply. I just bite my lower lip.

I fucking hope I don't regret this.

A://N

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~lauren