Fín {Third Book to Secret}

Thirteen

{edited}

Harry POV (2 years ago)

May and I have been okay recently.

She's better which is good. I'm glad she's better than what she was months ago.

Me, well I'm just okay. I'm not the best and I don't know why. Lately I've been feeling like shit.

May and I are laying in bed watching TV around 9. Her blue eyes are glued to the television. Her head is on my shoulder. "Can I ask you something?" I ask her.

"Yes." She says softly.

"When will we uh, have sex again?" Her body stiffens against me. "I'm just curious." It's been two years and I'm fucking sexually stressed as hell. I understand her reasoning for not wanting too. I'm just curious to when we'll be intimate again.

"I don't know." Her voice soft.

"Will it been soon?" I ask.

"Probably not." I bite my lip. Her eyes look to me. "Why, did you want to have sex?"

"Not now. I just wanted to know when you'd think we could." I ask. My voice soft.

"I'm just-" She pauses. "I know it's been two years but I don't think I'm ready for that. I know you must be hating me for not letting us have sex."

"I understand May." I assure her. "I was just curious." She smile softly and puts her head on my chest. I saw how uncomfortable she was trying to explain herself. She looked tense as well. I'll just have to wait. I've waited once for us to have sex, I can do it again.

It's also probably different for her. Since she have birth to a baby, carried a baby in her stomach, etc. I just need to have patience.

***

Over the course of the month I've been feeling more and more like shit. I decided to go to my doctor and he prescribed me some type of pill that should help.

I'm not going to tell May. She'll become worried about me and that not what I want for her.

I put the pill in my mouth and drink it down with water. I put it back in the high cabinet she can't reach and walk back to the dining room where my lap top is.

*Three Months Later* (still 2 years ago)

Since I've been taking the medicine I've felt better, which is good. I don't feel like sad crap and I can get through the day without feeling tired.

At least I know the pills are working.

I assume me being tempered is from the pills. I'll just have to control that. There's been a few times I've snapped at May but nothing too bad that's too much. I just need to learn how to control that stuff.

I think overall I'm better with the medicine. Yes, I have times I snap but I think those are the side effects. They're not major which is fine. I think May's noticing my mood change sometimes because she asks a lot about why I'm happy one moment and angry the next. I have to talk to my doctor about that. But besides that, I think we're fine. May seems to be fine too. She doesn't look as depressed as she was before. That could be my view on it though.

Harry POV (present)

My eyes open and I have a headache. I slowly get off the couch and itch my head. My mouth is dry and I still feel tired. I glance to the clock and see it's four in the morning. I head to the kitchen and grab some water.

I feel like a walking zombie these past few days. I'm always half asleep and feeling like shit. It's hard to be the guy May wants, which is happy, when all I want to do is be in bed and sleep.

The only thing I liked about the pills was that it didn't make me feel like that. But now since I'm not on them I notice more of May's facial expressions and how she actually feels. I see the worry in her eyes more. And sometimes the sadness.

Before I thought she looked fine and I didn't notice anything wrong with her. But now I do. That makes me feel worse. The medicine I was on was so strong I couldn't even recognise May's own feelings. I just thought she was happy, when she wasn't. And that was because of me and me snapping at her. I didn't notice how bad me snapping at her was. Sometimes I don't remember what I said. I just go on.

I guess it's better now how I am. It's better for us.

I wanted this to be different for us. I wanted us to have the life we both pictured. The careers we both want, with the nice house, the daughter we both were excited to have, the pets, everything. I was even ready to propose, but April passed, May was depressed, now I'm depressed, and I didn't want us engaged when we both were like this. I still have the ring, I'm just waiting now. I guess I've been trying to fill that void in me by wanting to redo the house the way I find fit.

I should've noticed how I was acting. I was so close to loosing May. I still am. One wrong thing I do, and she's gone.

I lay back down on the couch and stare at the ceiling. My hands rest in my chest and I just think.

I wish May knew how sorry I am. I wish she knew I didn't know she was that sad. I couldn't read it in her face. I wish she knew that I still love her and she's my everything. I just have to prove myself again, which is fine.

I can do that at least.

A://N

So a lot of you guys are saying them not having sex for 4 years is unrealistic.

But please keep in mind, May lost a baby; so she wouldn't want to have sex considering she could get pregnant again. Also, it's hard to be intimate after losing a child. My aunt lost her son after birth and she didn't do it with her husband until 5 years passed. It's different for some. Plus, May and Harry haven't been on good terms for a long time so they wouldn't do it. I hope that clears up why they haven't. Also, this is a book not a real life story based thing :)

Comment ??/ vote??

~lauren