FALLING | MxM (completed)

Chapter 44

Getting dressed and going through the messages on his phone, he decided he was absolutely not in the mood of replying to anyone. So he just locked it again and put it on the counter, grabbing the menu of the restaurant they always ordered from. He sat there and looked at the menu for what felt like an eternity before throwing it away and deciding he didn't have the appetite after all.

'What's wrong with me today?'

He remembered having a dream last night. A dream about his childhood. When he, Lili, and their parents had gone camping. He was scared to death from the noises at night, but Lili had hugged him throughout the whole darkness, whispering relaxing things and rubbing his back. That was the first time he genuinely felt thankful to have an older sister who he could rely on. Lili had always taken care of him before she started getting worse, and then he knew he had to return all the love he had received throughout the years.

He was deep in his memories, and tears had gathered in his eyes without him noticing. If Aiden was here and saw him like this, he would hug him tightly, caressing his hair, reminding him it was Lili's decision to make and forcing him to talk about her. That was what had been going on the past 5 days. Him telling Aiden about his memories with his lost sister and the man refusing to talk about the things that haunted him, making him have nightmares every single night.

He was ripped out of his thoughts by the sound of the doorbell. Looking through the peep, he saw a figure he wasn't expecting to see there at all.

"Hey! So you two decided to be together after all!" Ian said, clearly a little taken aback by seeing him there.

"We're not together. But do come in." Edwin felt annoyed at the fact that he himself didn't know what they were supposed to be.

"Where's the bunny?" Ian asked, looking around.

"He's not here. You should've called him beforehand."

The other hummed and went to the glass wall, looking at the view and calling someone on his phone. "He's not picking up. Do you have any idea when he'll be back?"

Edwin shook his head, leaning on the kitchen counter.

Ian frowned. "What's wrong with you? You seem upset."

Edwin sighed. "Just... my head is busy thinking about this and that."

The older sat down on the couch and tapped the place next to him, telling him to sit down beside him. Edwin did as asked.

"Are you okay?" Ian asked in a friendly tone.

"Yeah."

"You don't seem okay, though. Did our stupid celebrity friend upset you? It's kind of one of his specialties."

Edwin looked at him. His eyes, nose, lips. Ian was beautiful. He had such delicate features, and this was the first time Edwin was looking at him while actually paying attention. A word rang in his ear: 'our'.

'our stupid celebrity friend.'

Ian seemed to feel better about Aiden these days. It wasn't like they had met a lot, maybe two or three times tops, but he could tell that the guy didn't want to kill Aiden anymore. They wouldn't talk more than two-three sentences, but they seemed to be okay. Well, Ian seemed to be okay while Edwin was sure Aiden just acted like it.

"Hello? Earth to Edwin! Do you want a glass of water or something? You look really pale."

"A glass of water doesn't help with low blood pressure, Ian." He chuckled.

"Gosh! No need to slap me with your doctoral degree." He laughed.

"You two are just so alike!" Edwin said, chewing on his cheek.

"Hm?" The other looked dumbfounded.

"You, and Aiden. You're just so alike. And you both don't like the doctoral side of me." He chuckled again bitterly and sat back, leaning his head on the backrest.

"Well... I guess we have some similarities. By the way, I was just kidding about the doctor thing. But really, do you want me to get you anything?"

"I'm fine. Thanks though."

They fell into silence for a few seconds. Edwin felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Edwin, I know I'm probably not someone you wanna talk to, but I'm a good listener. And I can keep secrets. If I want to, that is. Otherwise, the whole town would know the info in two hours, or probably less."

"Oi! You're doing it wrong. You won't convince me like that!" The blue-haired boy found himself laughing at the other.

Ian raised his eyebrows and pouted his lips. "I mean! You can talk to me! I won't tell anyone! Why you gotta be so mean?!" He dramatically held his hand on his heart, pretending to be hurt. It didn't fail to make Edwin laugh again, and he sat up.

"I don't know, Ian. There's just so much on my mind. It's like I'm lost and I can't seem to find any direction, you know. I don't see a path. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or feel or-" He sighed and the hand on his shoulder squeezed him a bit.

"Have you talked to Den about all this? I mean, he should know about your struggles better than others, or am I wrong?"

"No, I mean, only about my sister, but other things, no. He has enough of his own shit to deal with. I don't wanna be a burden."

"God, Edwin! You're not a burden. You guys are together and you should share your problems, okay? Aiden is somehow bad at assuming things, and unless you tell him, he won't know you're struggling. You should always put your thoughts into words for him or he won't notice."

"I told you, we're not together."

The other sighed. "Sure, you basically live here and you have all those hickeys. But sure you're not together."

"We do have sex, but that doesn't imply anything." He exhaled roughly. "Gah, can we not talk about this? My head is gonna explode." He rubbed his palms on his face and then brushed his hair back furiously. "Why are you here, though? I doubt he'll be back anytime soon."

"Well, the idiot won't pick Joe's calls up and won't reply to his texts. The poor piglet is frustrated. I decided to come and put some senses back into his stupid brain."

"You guys sure use A LOT of nicknames for each other."

"What? Den hasn't given you one? That's unusual! And yeah! Nicknames are nice!" Ian seemed really surprised.

"He has. He gave me one when I dyed my hair blue back when he was at the hospital."

At the mention of the hospital, Edwin noticed how Ian's facial expression tensed and he bit his lip, frowning and removing the hand on his shoulder.

"Did he... did he suffer a lot? I mean at the hospital..." He was playing with his fingers while hesitantly talking the words.

"It wasn't easy. He went through a lot of pain for about three weeks, cutting his drug usage and all."

"I still can't believe he started doing drugs, that idiot." The older huffed.

"Ian, it wasn't your fault. You just did what was best for the two of you. And most importantly, you had to do it to be able to be happy."

There was something confusing about the way the older laughed bitterly. Edwin could not pinpoint the meaning behind it. But he didn't like it nevertheless.

"And you? Are you doing the things that make you happy?"

He was a bit taken aback by the man's question. It suddenly rushed through his mind.

'Being happy'

What was he supposed to do to be happy? He opened his mouth but closed it again cos he didn't have an answer. So much for that doctoral degree he spent so much of his energy and brain cells for.

Ian got a call from the company a little while after and had to leave. So then, there Edwin was again. Alone, thinking about Ian's question over and over.