Lux club

Chapter 81

I was in Vincent's room alone, he was gone. I stared at my leather jacket and my necklace. I sighed and went to them. "Hi daddy hi momma. It's been a while. I'm sorry. Dakota died, you remember him? I told you about him. You guys probably meet him where you're at. I-i got into Shenking, I did it daddy. Am I making you proud momma? I miss you guys so much. I made the honor roll". I laughed tears rolling down my eyes. "I'm doing great in school, I have a lot of friends at Shenking. There so nice. Morti he's so kind, strong, helpful, he's quiet though. Gabe he's so sweet, he kinda acts like a kid, he cares so much for others. Mason and Jason there so funny, and so nice to me. They help me a lot with clothes, Jason kinda got a temper on him and Mason is so sweet. Damian oh gosh, he's intelligent, nice, he helps me a lot with school. Then... There's Vincent, he's the most thoughtful person ever, he wants me to be happy. You'll like him he cares about me. I'm kinda dating him. I'm sorry daddy". I said. I was sitting on the floor.

"I-i- do you guys think I could make it as a vet? I really want this. I miss you so so much". I cried. "I'm sorry! I can't hold it. I know its been so long since you guys died. But it still hurts, I can still remember everything. I want you guys to love me. I wish I died in the crash instead of you guys. I know you don't want to hear that. But you can always make more kids. I only get one set of parents. I just wish it was a different way. I know I should be happy about what I have. But it's hard, because I don't have you two. I had Dakota and he left. I'm scared. I'm scared because everytime I love someone, they die. I told you about Sammy. I miss all you I'm so sorry I can't do this"! I said. The lump on my throat burned as the tears ran down my face. "I know you would tell me to pray. But I don't know how, I can't pray. Because in all honesty it's not a damn thing it'll help. Can you guys see me"? I asked. I hugged the jacket and necklace. "All of you. Can all of you see me? I miss you all. I love you so much, I try so hard not to think about the negative. I try to be positive, but-". I couldn't talk anymore.

After a couple of seconds I pulled myself together. "Everytime I'm alone, I can't help it. I don't want to be alone. I hate my own thoughts. I hate what I did to all of you. And don't say it's not my fault. Because it is". I said. The door opened. Vincent grandma was there. I quickly got up and wiped my tears. "Vincent is gone"! I quickly said. "Are you alright"? She asked. I laughed really nervously. "Y-yeah I'm ok". I said. She frowned at me and walked away. I huffed. Lock the door when you're speaking with your family. I was angry now. I went to the bathroom and washed my face. I stared at my reflection. I clenched my fist and punched the. mirror glass shattered everywhere. My right hand bloody with glass shards in it. I stepped away and sat down on the floor.

"God? Are you listening? Do you hear me? You know who I am. I don't have any wishes for you. I want to ask you something. I know people say you don't make mistakes. But I believe you were high on burning bush with Moses when you went to my life. Because I think you made me a mistake. Why does everyone I care about die so early? Why do I feel like I'm not enough? Why do I hate myself"? I asked. I sighed. "All I do is curse your name. I'm sorry. Y'know something. It's not you I'm up against it's myself. Things have been hard, can you just end it? I begging you. The way you took my parents, Sam... And Dakota. Just, please. You're my only hope. I want to be with my parents! Why the fuck can't I just be with my parents? Why can't I just be happy!? I'm talking to you God. Please, hear me. I'm begging please. It hurts, I can't pretend like with every passing day I don't miss my family". I said.

A couple of seconds went by. "God if you don't do this for me. At least do one thing. If I break my promise with Vincent and decided to end my life. I want him to to find someone who wasn't so fucked up in the head". I said. "What if I don't want someone else"? Vincent asked. My eyes widen and wiped my eyes with my good hand. "This is a private conversation between me and God". I said. "Yeah grandmother said you've been having a lot of private conversations in here". Vincent said. "Aren't you supposed to be gone"? I asked. "Well I came back... Did you hurt your hand"? Vincent asked. "I'm fine". I said. I didn't really look at Vincent's face. "Look at me". Vincent said. I did he had tears in his eyes.

"This isn't ok? What you said isn't ok". Vincent said getting some tweezers and went to get the glass out my hand. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me". I said. "I'm never mad at you when you're like this. I'm mad at myself". Vincent said. I stared at him. "Why"? I asked. His hair hung over his face. "Because I should have known you've been feeling like this". Vincent said. "You can't read my mind". I said. He finished getting the glass out. "My grandmother recorded you talking to your parents. Do you do that a lot"? Vincent asked. "Not recently. Hey do me a favor Vincent". I said. "I'll do anything for you". Vincent said. "Go to prom with me"? I asked. He stared at me and smiled.

"I wanted to ask but yes". Vincent laughed. "You were taking to long. Boys kept asking". I said. He wrapped my hand. He lead me to the room. I giant teddy, a bouquet of lilly's, a box of heart shape cookies, and a sign that said 'prom?' was in the bears hand. Vincent smiled. "So will you"? He laughed. "Yeah". I smiled. "Hey um... Can I talk to your parents one day with you"? Vincent asked. I smiled. "Yeah". I looked up at him.