A long overdue second part to Good Enough. I did not cry nearly as much in this chapter as I did writing that chapter, oh my lord. Hopefully this lives up to Good Enough.
Songs I listened to while writing this:
Breathin by Ariana Grande
These Four Walls by Little Mix
Love Me or Leave Me by Little Mix (every damn time this song makes me cry what the hell)
Little Me by Little Mix
Turn Your Face by Little Mix
In Too Deep by Why Don't We (Y'ALL THIS IS SO GOOD)
8 Letters by Why Don't We
They Just Don't Know You by Little Mix
Stand By You by Rachel Platten
You were healing, slowly but surely.
After you told Peter how much you've been struggling with your mental health, he made it his priority to get you comfortable enough that you could be yourself and be open with him.
He made sure to get you feeling like you were home. But not the shitty environment that you were in the dark, he made sure you were happier.
That was his main priority, making sure that you were okay.
In order to help you he talked to you, he figured out what your favorite food was, what you did to work out, what your happiness was defined in.
So he got you books, he got you your own little cabin away from the boys where your books, your art supplies and journals. Along with your meds if you needed them to keep yourself motivated, he got that for you.
But he wasn't going to force you too, he wanted you to do this recovery on your own. You got this control, he just tried to push you in the right direction.
Every morning he got you up to work out, but not the boring and tough shit. He got you up and punching things, he got a punching bag hung from a tree and just let you go to town on beating the shit out of it.
He let you have the loose vibe, he didn't push a strict formula type on you, he knew you hated that shit. So he just let you put on boxing gloves or your hand wraps and walked away while you punched the shit out of things.
He then told you to journal, he didn't care what you had to write about, he just told you to write or draw something.
Then he got you cooking, not in that sexist gross way, he just wanted you to express yourself creatively. You made what you could in a forest with no electricity. Somehow Peter got seafood and you made homemade garlic butter (don't ask how you got butter, Peter and Shadow got a lot of stuff for you) and just drenched the grilled seafood in the garlic butter and it became one of the boy's favorite meals.
Another thing, you got night terrors quite frequently, frequently enough that Peter sometimes slept on the floor in your little cabin because he didn't want you to think he was taking advantage of you while sleeping in the same bed (he would never do that either).
One time you woke up from a horrifying nightmare and you sat drenched in your own sweat in bed. You ran your hand through your hair with your other hand covering your mouth to keep the sobs kept back.
You leaned against the headboard of your bed, you tried your breathing exercises but nothing worked.
Peter opened your door rushed and gently, he shut it and sat down on your bed next to you.
"Y/N." He said your name gently.
You opened your mouth to say something, but he shushed you. "Y/N, c'mon let's do guided breathing." He said gently.
You nodded and he continued, "breathe in for seven seconds," you did. "Hold for three, then breathe out another seven."
You did it multiple names but it didn't work.
"Okay, let's try Grounding."
You nodded, he rubbed his hand on your back. "Name five things you see."
"Okay," you breathed. You looked up and he brushed your tears away. You nodded again, "I did it."
"Tell me," he said gently.
"My bookshelves, my books, the black sheet," you fumbled the sheet in your hand, "moonlight on the floor and...." you looked at him, his green eyes bright and filled with worry. "Your green eyes."
He smiled gently, "okay good. Name four things you can feel. And tell me."
You fumbled the sheet again, "this sheet," your hand went to your wrist where your AFK (always keep fighting from Jared Padalecki) bracelet rested. "My bracelet," you felt your shirt, "my shirt." Then your hand drifted for his arm, "you."
"Good," he breathed out, you saw a faint pink grace his cheeks. "Now three things you can hear."
Your breathing had calmed, somewhat. "Your voice," you listened for a second, you heard the ocean waves crashing into the sand a few feet away from your cabin. "The ocean," and then you heard the crickets, "the crickets."
"Okay good, Y/N." He said brushing strands of your hair back. "Now, two things you can smell."
You breathed deeply, "the ocean," you sniffed again, "and your cologne? The hell you wearing cologne for?"
He shrugged sheepishly, "I gotta smell nice for my Lost Girl," he stroked your hair again and you smiled, leaning into his hand.
"There's that smile," he said gently, smiling towards you causing you to smile bigger. "Okay, now something you can taste."
You moved your tongue in your mouth, "nothing." You said.
He leaned to your bedside table and got you your water, he handed it to you and you took a sip. You swallowed and said, "and now water." You let out a breath of a laugh.
He chuckled gently, "what was it about this time?" He asked.
You shook your head, "I don't want to talk about it tonight," you shook the awful thoughts from your head.
He nodded, "okay."
He got up to leave and you stopped him, "Peter-"
"Right, yeah, sorry." He grabbed a pillow and blanket from the chair in the corner and went to lay down on the floor.
"No." You whispered, he looked up in question. "Can you sleep up here with me?"
He looked at you apprehensively, "you sure?"
You nodded without hesitating, "I just need you close."
"You have me close."
"I just...." you sighed, biting back the tears at the thought, the nightmare of losing him. "I need you here with me."
He nodded, "okay."
He got up from his spot on the floor to the other side of the bed, he slid in, not knowing what to do. You leaned into his chest and he wrapped his arms around you.
Nightmares didn't trouble you the rest of the night.
Ever since that night, Peter has stayed in your bed to keep the nightmares at bay. His feelings for you were practically roaring in his veins every second he spent with you.
But he wasn't gonna make a move, this was all in your control. No matter how much it hurt him, if you didn't want to be with him, that's fine. As long as you were happy, Peter let you be.
He didn't want to be your hero, he wanted you to be your own hero.
He slowly saw you come out of your shell, you'd talk to the boys more. You'd play cards with the youngins and you usually let them win because they were kids. You loved seeing them happy. He saw how you lit up around them.
He also saw you gain weight and become fuller. When you were in your dark space before you were paper thin, he was so worried about you. He made you eat, small amounts at first of course so you didn't get overwhelmed and vomit it up later. But eventually you started eating more and you looked so healthy it made his heart swell.
You eventually gained this glow around you, you were constantly smiling, whenever you two saw each other, instead of averting your eyes from him, you'd greet him with a smile that he couldn't help but return.
Of course, these changes did not happen in a day. It took months to even get the slightest smile out of you, the slightest remark.
He never even realized that you had feelings for him.
Eventually, you came forward with your feelings for him. It was hard for you because if he rejected you, you didn't know what you'd do.
"Hey, Peter," you said
"Y/N," he said looking up smiling faintly, "you look..."
"What?" You said worriedly, "is there something on my face?" You touched your face, you cursed yourself, why didn't you think to look in a spoon or something to make sure you didn't have anything on your face.
"No," he shook his head, "you just look really happy and healthy, it makes me happy."
You blushed and looked down, he walked up to you, "what's up Y/N?"
"I..uhh..." You drifted off and then sighed, "I just want to say thank you."
"For?"
"Helping me, you didn't have to help me when you...listened to me rant and lose my cool. I lost my walls around you, something I never thought I'd be able to do." You wiped away your tears. "You helped me rediscover myself. You didn't hold my hand the entire way, which was such a nice breather." You attempted to chuckle, "you led me in the right path and let me work out my agressions, you even got me meds that have helped a lot."
It was true, the medication you were on, it helped get you better. It was a hard decision to make but you did it.
His eyes were rimmed with tears, he didn't know where you were going with this but he would listen, he always listened. "You are one of the most amazing human beings on this earth, not everybody would help some girl that they didn't really get along with before she just blabbered everything out."
"Y/N, it wasn't blabbering." He said holding your hands gently.
You nodded, "but you still listened. Nobody back home did, but you, the guy who's said to be evil did. And that just proves that you are not the villain, you're one of the heroes."
He shook his head, "I'm gonna have to disagree, I'm just the side character that helped you on your quest." He said, then he said something that you'd remember forever. "I'm Grover and you're Percy." He referenced one of your favorite books, The Lightning Thief.
You laughed at that, "oh my god, you remember me talking about that book?"
"Of course I do, then you said how the movies sucked and I don't even know what movies are." He said cluelessly.
You shook your head smiling and he continued, "you are your own hero. You got yourself to where you are now, you asked for help, you let me know that you weren't okay. You got up and drew, or painted or read or wrote something. You did it, not me."
That made you love him even more. "I love you, Peter Pan." You said before you even realized what you said.
Before you could say something, what, you didn't know. But he smiled a big, breathtaking smile and said, "I love you Y/N L/N."
Anddddd I'm crying. God damnit.
But y'all I decided to write this very very late second part because it's where I am now. I'm on a medication for my depression and anxiety and honestly, I'm so happy.
Like I was in a huge writing rut, I didn't feel the motivation and I.....actually considered ending this book (IM NOT. I RETRACTED THAT CONSIDERATION) because I just didn't feel this anymore. That was three weeks ago before I was on the medication and now that I am I'm feeling allllll the writing motivation and inspiration. My mental health just kept me from doing it because I didn't feel like writing and now that I do I'm trying to pop out all the chapters I can.
My friends and family have noticed a huge difference in me since I started taking it. Not only that but for the past year I've been in therapy.
I'm obviously very open about it because I'm posting this to 202K people which is so insane so thank you very much for being the best readers in the world, I love all of you so much. (Literally my mind is just like hooooollllllyyyyyyy ssssshhhhiiiiittttt)
But anyway, I've been in therapy for a little over a year now and holy shit it's mind blowing.
I highly recommend therapy if you're someone struggling with mental illness, addiction, an eating disorder, anything. I'm 100% serious, it has helped me so much the past year it's insane.
Anyway peace out from a very happy stephanie 😂💖💜