Eighteen
Day
It was so empty without Evian. Since Nian gave up control of the body he’s been in his safe room. And I was alone out here waiting for my turn in the body. Waiting for something anything to happen to move me. But Evian was dead. We had our ups and downs. Evian has always been a loner. He was always hard to get alone with. But coming to the end he was a good guy. Coming to the end he was letting all of his walls down.
Evian death was painful. Not just because he bottled the pain from the body but because he was someone that was loved. He was someone that is missed. Shiki tore a hole in us. In all of us by killing Evian. It was so unfair that it had to be him that was gone. Loki, or Hades, or King they were much better choices. I never thought that I would miss Evian if he was gone but there was this sadness inside of me that I had never known before.
It made me recall a time when True-Ian was here and I was sad. He came in my safe room. And he sat with me while I cried. Why was I crying? I think one of the old Ian died. The balance was off. It always felt like a knife to the heart when we lost an Ian. When they rocked the already fragile balance that holds us together. I felt broken inside. I felt shattered that time. It was much like I feel now minus the pain that overflowed.
“You’re not like the others Jude.” True-Ian told me. “You’re not as hard as the others. You’re connected to this body a bit more than most. You can feel when the body is uneven when chaos is winning over because you are our balance.”
“So then I’m always going to feel this way.” I asked him through sobs.
“Wounds heal you know. Some take longer than others but all wounds heal.”
“How long will this take to heal?” I asked him.
“As long as it needs.” He answered and kissed the top of my head.
I opened my eyes as was sitting at a table with a boy I didn’t know across from me. I looked around and saw that there was Mischa and some other girl there as well. None of them looked the same and yet at the same time you could tell that they all were brother and sister. I licked my lips because this was starting to feel like Loki abandoned the body to me in the middle of an interrogation. All that was missing was the bright light in my face.
“Logan!” a voice yelled from the upper levels of the house and he looked towards the stairs.
“WHAT!” he called back tapping his fingers on the table.
“Logan!” it called again and he pointed a threatening finger at me.
“Don’t think for a moment that we are done. I haven’t even begun yet Ian Robertson.” He said and stood and walked away. My eyes went to the other girl what did she tell Loki her name was.
“Don’t worry about him he’s just a dick.” Asa said and I frowned and stood up. My eyes found Mischa and she was just watching with a carefree look on her face. She was going to let her brother do what. Question me until I cracked. Beat my face in maybe. Just mock me until I couldn’t take anymore and snapped. “Loki…” Asa started and I pulled my eyes away from Mischa so that I could look at her.
“Don’t call me that.” I hissed at her and then frowned when I noticed that she was barely dressed. What kind of house had I been brought to? Looking at Asa made the latest annoying Ian to show up push against me in order to free himself. But I pushed back even harder backing away from Asa and closing my eyes so that I couldn’t see her.
“You told me to call you Loki.” Asa pouted.
“My name isn’t Loki.” I said and Mischa looked at her sister and then at me.
“It’s okay Ian.” Mischa said using that soft tone of voice that she likes to trick people with on me. Maybe Nian fell for her sweet words but I wasn’t going to.
“I’m not Ian.” I said in a firm tone. I wasn’t Ian. Only True Ian could be Ian.
“Then Dian.” Mischa said and it annoyed me that she always knew what Ian was in control of the body. It annoyed me that without asking she always knew who we were. Even my family had trouble picking the right Ian. But not Mischa. Never Mischa.
“My name isn’t Dian either.” I said and Mischa frowned as if she knew that I was Dian. As if she was daring to me to say that lie to her.
“What the fuck is your name then?” Asa asked me and my eyes stayed on Mischa. I wanted to look her in the eyes. I wanted her to know that she didn’t know everything about Ian. Fuck Ian didn’t know everything about Ian. There were so many doors still locked. So many Ian’s still lost. So many secrets still kept. How could you know who you are when you broke yourself just to forget?
“My name is Jude. Don’t ever forget it.” I said and walked away from her walked away from her sister walked out of her house and far, far away from it.
Asylum
I lied in my safe room feeling much better already. Then again I wasn’t better. My wound had healed because all wounds heal. But my mind was broken. Evian was mines. He was my toy. He was my play thing. I had all rights to him. His life was mines for the taking and yet that honor was stolen from me. It was taken away by some bitch Ian that wanted to show up. As if I was going to let him get away with that. As if I was going to allow Shiki to kill Evian and live.
That idiot King. That fucking moron had him right where we wanted him. He could have ended it. He could have killed him and he let him live. I rocked back and forward slamming my head against the walls in my safe room. I wanted blood. I needed blood. I wanted Evian’s blood. I needed Evian’s blood. I needed Evian. He was mines. He was mines and his blood. That crimson liquid gold was all mines.
I rose to my feet and I felt the air in my room stir. Evian was mines. Evian, Evian, Evian it was mines. I rushed across the room to have the door slam shut in my face and lock. I slammed against it again and again and heard the echo of laughter.
“Release me now you fucking piece of shit.” I said and the voice of my safe room laughed at me. I put my blades to the door digging them into it before dragging my nails down so that it could make that sharp piercing sound.
“Bitch all you want my sweet Hades.” The voice of my room mocked me. To think that your own voice could be so annoying.
“You weren’t made to stop me or test me.” I hissed out.
“True-Ian made me and all like me for one thing and one thing only.” It laughed. “To watch over the Ian that we were given. To protect you even if at times we must protect you from yourself. Evian is dead Hades. His blood is yours no longer.”
“I need it.” I yelled and he laughed at me again.
“Evian was your other half. You will feel his death the others.” I didn’t care about that. I didn’t care about the pain or the lost. I didn’t even care that Evian was dead. What I care about was that I wasn’t the one that killed him. What I was pissed about was that it wasn’t me that took Evian’s life. That pleasure was stolen from me.
Loki always wants me to plan. He always wants me to be his good little planner but I had plans to. I was going to gut Shiki like the cowardly son of a bitch that he was. I was going to make him beg me for mercy and when he did I was going to spit in his face. I smiled tossing my head back in a mad laughter as I thought of all the ways that I could kill Shiki. All the ways that I was going to kill Shiki.
“Have you gone mad?” Loki asked me and I closed my mouth my eyes going to him as he opened the door to my safe room.
“As mad as hatter.” I said and Loki smiled.
“It’s your turn in the body. Don’t forget to pack Hades.” He said and I nodded as I left. I would pack. Of course I would pack. Just as soon as I got some blood.
I was at the front door of the house when I took control of the body. I smiled because of course this was going to be the first and only place that Dian ran to. As if there was anyone in this house that would help us. As if there was anyone in here that gave a damn about us I unlocked the door and came in.
“I’m home. Home I am.” I called in an I Love Lucy fashion. As soon as the door opened I saw Uncle Joe and Billy in the living room. It’s been a while since I saw my dear sweet older brother.
“Billy is here.” I said coming through the door. “Here is Billy.”
“Fuck off Ian.” He said and I smiled because I knew he would never care enough to guess what Ian I was. I walked over to my brother and I could see him tense up. He was wise to do so. I was thirsty and no I didn’t come in peace either.
“Ian please.” My mother begged as she came in the room with Angel in her arms.
“Ian, Ian, Ian.” Angel chanted as he pulled to get away from her but she held on to him tighter keeping him out of my reach or maybe it would be correct to say keeping me out of his reach. I only smiled and walked up the stairs going in the closet and packing up all the things that Loki and I would need. I felt and Ian push at me and I frowned as I sat down on the bed.
“And who might you be?” I asked him and only a mutter whisper came into my mind. He didn’t want to come out and play. That was fine I could wait. “Go insane, writhe in pain, Prank Ian has many games. Cry or pout, give a shout, Baby Ian’s coming out. Fear or rest, run to the best, Asylum Ian puts you to the test. Tears to shed, blood is bled, Death Ian brings in the dead.” I sang the second verse of the song of Ian. I could wait. I was very good at waiting.