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Thirty

Day

  I was in control of the body and yet I wasn’t the one controlling it. I could see and I could hear and I could feel but I was the passenger. I could feel the hardwood floor of my room under my feet. I could feel the sweet running down my forehead. I could feel my hair sticking to the back of my neck. The heart was still. I thought that it would have raced but it didn’t. All was still. I could feel the weight of something in my hand. Some kind of weapon was in my hand. I could see the door tightly shut. We were pacing the floor.

            I thought that I would taste the iron in my mouth but I didn’t in fact my mouth was too sweet. As if I had a sugar cube in my mouth. It was sickening how sweat everything tasted. It was sicken how I had no control over what I was doing. I didn’t even want this. I didn’t want to control the body. I wanted nothing to do with this body. So why was I here? How had I gotten here? What the fuck was I supposed to do now?

            I tried to remember what happened. I tried to remember what was going on. I remember Kennedy killing herself. I remember Nian freaking out. I remember being inside of the mind. Being in front of the black door. I remember the door opening. I remember telling Nian to run. I remember running like hell. Then I was here. I had vowed never to enter the body again and yet here I stood controlling the body. I licked my lips because I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea who was with me. I had no idea what they were planning.

            I looked down at the floor again and saw the still body of my sister lying there. No one had come when they heard the shot. No one cared that someone had been shot in this house. Maybe they all were just happy that it wasn’t them that were killed. Maybe they thought it was safer not to come. That if I had at last lost it and went on a spree they would have a fighting chance if they stayed in there room.

            Nothing was making since right now. What happened to the door? Why was I in the body? What the fuck was going on for crying out loud. I walked over to my sister and kneel down. I picked up the gun that was beside her and now I had a weapon in both of my hands. A gun in one hand a machete in the other. I had thought that father took that from Nian but somehow here it was again. Replaced by the stolen one or maybe just taken back when the old fool wasn’t looking. I wanted to tell whoever it was to just stop. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg to be released. Whatever Ian was in control didn’t need me. They didn’t need me to be here with them.

            “Release me.” I whispered and closed my eyes.

            When I opened it again I was on the left side of the brain. But there was something wrong. There was something so wrong with this side. It was dark and it was broken and it was decaying just like the right side. This wasn’t Nian’s side of the brain. I didn’t feel happy of here. I didn’t feel safe.

            “Dian.” A voice said and I turned around to see another standing down the hall from me. He had a fox mask on his face and he was standing there head titled to the side looking down the hall at me. He wasn’t the Ian that was just controlling the body. But he was an Ian to fear all the same.

            “You don’t belong on this side.” I told him and he clenched his fist. He took a step forward and I took a step back. “You need to leave now.” I hissed at him and he took another step towards me. “I will not fear you.” I told him and he stopped walking for a moment.

            “Fear me?” he mused over the words as if they were words he never heard before. As if they were words he never knew.

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