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            My neck where that son of a bitch Hades bite had healed over but it still pulse with pain. Every little movement sent a sharp pain coursing through my body. I hated this. I hated all the other Ian’s. I hated myself as well. I wanted it over. I wanted the end. Why should one person one boy one…whatever the fuck you would call Ian live through so much pain.

            I sat in my safe room knees to my chest with my arms wrapped around and my head tucked away. There was a time that I was happy just to be in here. That’s all I had to do was come in here and I was happy again. But now in this bright room I felt small and foolish. I heard my door opened but I didn’t move an inch.

            “It’s your turn in the body.” Nian’s voice sounded from across the room near the door. I didn’t move as I heard his sharp footsteps making their over to me. I could feel him sit down next to me and that was when I lifted my head. “You have to hurry before Loki or one of the others takes it.”

            “I don’t want the body.” I told him and he sighed and turned away from me.

            “Do you remember your true name Dian?” he asked me and I turned and looked at him. My true name meaning the name that True-Ian had given me. “He named you Jude. Remember who Jude was?”

            “It’s just a name.” I hissed. “It’s not like I’m the read Jude. It’s not like I’m real at all. I’m just a useless piece of a broken boy.”

            “You disappoint me Jude.” Nian said as he stood up. Those words cut deep. The very tone of them hurt me. He made me remember True-Ian last words to me.

            “Listen to Vigil Jude. Follow his light and you will never become lost.” Ian had said. But I lost sight of Nian’s light six years ago. Even in the light of the left side I feel as if I have been wandering through the darkness. I try so hard.

            “I’ve been trying so hard.” I said and Nian stopped to look at me. He turned back and looked at little old me. “I thought that if I was knew my purpose I could be better. I thought that if I was tough everything would be easier. I’m so lost Nian.”

            “We all are.” Nian said and placed his hand on my head. “Take your turn in the body Jude it’s your birthday after all.”

            “I don’t want to be weak Nian. I don’t want to be useless to you. I promised him that I wouldn’t be useless to you.”

            “I’ve never thought you were useless.” Nian said and left the room.

            I opened my eyes and was in a sea of people I stood on the floor with bodies dancing near and around me. The party was still going. Mischa was standing next to me dancing with me and I saw Malikai with Tessa in front of him grinding against him. I didn’t understand them they wasn’t dating and yet they were always together. I frowned inwardly when I remember the last time I saw Mal I wasn’t very nice to him.

            “What’s wrong?” Mischa asked and she looked in my eyes and smiled a bit. “Dian haven’t seen you in a while.” She said moving closer and putting her arms around my neck as a slow song came on.

            “Why don’t you hate us?” I whispered in her ear. “You know just how broken we are and yet you are still willing to get close.”

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