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Pen Your Pride

(BABY) 9

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Nine

Baby

    I sat at the edge of the pit swinging my legs. The gun that I was given was beside me but not in my hand. Not pointed at the pit like how King wanted it. I hated King. He scares me. He was mean to me all the time. I wondered if there was even anyone in the pit. When I looked into it all I could see was blackness. And when I yelled into it I could only hear my voice echoing back to me.

            The other Ian’s were thinking about a time before we lost True-Ian. I remember as well. I remember what it was like before we lost him. I remember everything about True-Ian. I remember his soft voice and his gentle hands and his kind smile. I remember his words as well. I committed to memory ever word True-Ian ever said to me. I love him. More than this life or this body I love True-Ian.

            I remember once when he spoke to me. I was new to the body. I was new to the mind. The other Ian’s were bigger than me. The other Ian’s were much scarier then I was. True-Ian saw me struggling to keep the same pace as the others. He saw how sad I was and he brought me a toy. He gave me my bunny.

            “Ducky do you know how important that bunny is to us?” he asked me as we sat in my safe room as we stayed in my play room together. I only shook my head. How was I supposed to know how important the bunny was? “Mommy gave us this bunny on our first birthday. It a time before she started to drink.”

            “Mommy didn’t always drink?” I asked looking up at him with wonder and amazement in my eyes.

            “It was only once we became many did she start to drink. Mommy was a wonderful person Ducky. She would have loved you so much. Smell the bunny.” He told me so I held it to my nose breathing in the scent of lavender and honey. “That’s what mommy use to smell like.”

            “If I be really good do you think I can bring mommy back. Is that why I’m here. Dian told me that all Ian’s has a reason to be. Is mines to make mommy love us again.”

            “No way. I would never burden you with that. Your purpose is much easier than that. Innocence Ducky. I made you so that maybe I could hold on to some of my innocence. I lost what you have a long time ago. I want to be a good person. So I made you. Do you know why I made you so young Ducky?” I only shook my head again because I had no idea why he made me younger than the other Ian’s. “Cause five is the last time I was ever innocent. Vigil and Krad they did something horrible and we lost what little innocence we had left.”

            “I will do my best Ian. I would do anything for you.” I said and he laid his hand on my head.

            “There is another thing Ducky something very important that I must tell you. Something that you must never forget.”

            “Okay. I’m a big boy so I can do it.”

            “Never go to the right side of the brain understand. Never go near Krad. You have to stay in the left side. You have to close to Vigil do you understand.”

            “But Vigil doesn’t like me much.”

            “Vigil is kind and he knows loves. He will protect you Ducky but Krad will destroy you. He will make you forget who you are. He will use you until there is nothing left. He is dangerous for you. You’re not strong enough to resist him. So stay away.”

            “Don’t worry I will never listen to King.” I said and True-Ian frowned.

            “Why did you call him that?”

            “He talks funny. He says King all the time.”

            “Ducky please stay away from him.”

            Ian told me to stay away but then what did he do. He left us. He abandoned us to the darkness and the pain and the body. He abandoned me. True-Ian was my father. He wasn’t just my maker he was my dad. He tucked me in at night and he played with me and he made the others let me have a turn in the body. He made all the others play fair. When he left Loki played the worst prank on me. He stole my bunny from me and took it to the right side of the brain. He locked it away in one of the rooms.  I went after it. I broke my promise to Ian and I went on the right side of the brain. Then I couldn’t find my way out. I couldn’t find my way back to the left side.

            I was lost on the right side of the brain until King found me. He told me that he owned me now and then he locked me away in the room and trained me. I kept thinking that Ian was going to come and save me. That if anyone came True-Ian was going to save me. But for days, weeks, months no one came for me. Maybe no one even looked for me. Nian didn’t even care that I was from his side. He let King have me. He allowed King to keep me.

            I’ve tried my best to be stronger since then but I was still only a kid. I still wanted the mother I never had and I missed the father that abandoned me. I missed my maker and friend.

            “HELP!” I heard a voice and blinked coming out my dream and memories and looking down in the pit. It was still nothing but darkness inside of it. But I was sure that the voice came from the pit.

            “Who are you?” I asked backed.

            “I…I don’t remember.” It answered me back. King would freak if he knew I was talking to someone. If he knew I was talking to this person. After all isn’t whoever in the pit who King want me to shoot. Isn’t it the reason I was at this pit in the first place. “Who are you?” he called up.

            “I’m Ducky. I’m Baby-Ian. What Ian are you?” I asked and there was a long pause.

            “I don’t remember.” Came the reply again.

            “You don’t remember anything.” I muttered and rolled my eyes.

            “Ducky help me.” He said and I could hear pain and sadness in his voice. I looked at my bunny. At Ian’s bunny. When I was in pain. When I was sad the bunny always make me happy again. I gave my toy my all-time favorite toy in the whole body, in the whole mind, in the whole world one last kiss. Letting go of it was the same as letting go of Ian to me. But I kissed my toy. One last time then I dropped it into the pit.

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