Eighteen
Night
I woke up with a start and held still when I wasn’t where I thought I should be. Then I remembered that I wasn’t in the apartment or at home I was in Mischa’s house. I sat up rubbing my hand over my face. It was so rare for me to sleep. But I felt great. I felt better then great I felt rested and renewed. I turned to look beside me but the bed was empty. Mischa wasn’t beside me. I turned my head to look at the clock that she had on her nightstand and it said that it was nine at night. That seemed impossible since we didn’t even get here until after one in the morning.
I had slept the day away. I lost time again but at least this time I was still where I was supposed to be. Before moving I did my check. Walking to the darker side of the brain first I went to where Jinx was holding Evian and saw him there he was tied up looking broken and beating just the way that I left him. I walked over to him and he looked up at me and rolled his eyes.
“Come to gloat. How unbecoming of you Nian.” He mocked me and I smiled because he was such a waste of space.
“I could end this.” I said. “You could end this if you really wanted to. All you have to do is ask Evian. All you have to do is say pretty please.” I said and laughed when he tried to attack me only to find that he could do nothing.
“Go to hell Nian.”
“But I’m so close to heaven.” I said and laughed.
“I will get free Nian. I will kill your pet. I will kill you. And at last I will have her.” He said and I sat down next to Evian.
“I would never allow that to happen. I would never allow you to touch her.”
“I had her first.” He said and I looked over at him out the corner of my eyes. “She is mines.”
“I would slaughter you first.” I said and stood up again walking away from him. I went over to Jinx and laid my hand on his shoulder before walking out leaving that side of the brain and going off to find Dian.
He was in front of the red door looking at the wall that was across from him but not at the door. He had one of my toys in his hand stabbing the blade of the knife into the same spot of the floor again and again. The darkness was still leaking out of the door. What was I talking about leaking? It was coming out after all the door was opened now. I bit my lips as I thought about what else was going to come out.
I feared the worst from it. I didn’t want all the evil things that were in there to come out here. I didn’t want them tainting this side of the mind like it had done the other side six years ago. I grabbed Dian’s arm stopping his stabbing and taking the knife from him. Only now he looked at me and silent tears rolled down his face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him and he held his hand up to his ears.
“I hear it. I hear it whispering to me. It asks me to help it. Since I’ve been on the other side. Since I saw the darkness over there it has been whispering to me.”
“Don’t listen.” I said and he shook his head as if not listening was not a choice.
“What is it Nian? What else is in here with us? I saw it. I saw that thing that you released to look for Evian. Are there more? How many monsters are living in here with us?” he asked and he was shaking. I knew that Dian was weak. I knew that he was a chicken. But I never saw him so shaken before.
“The truth.” I said and looked away from him at the door. All the answers to every question that Dian could ever want were there. He was sitting in front of the red room. The door was wide open. Why didn’t he go in and learn these things on his own I wondered. Why did he ask me questions that could never have an easy answer?
“Please tell me.” He begged me. “How many of us are there? How many of that beast thing that hurt Evian are there?” he said his voice quivering.
“As many as Ian needs.” I said and Dian made a whimpering sound as he lied down on his side still covering his ears. “Why didn’t you take the body this morning?” I asked him.
“I didn’t want it.” He answered.
“I need you right now Dian. I need you to hold it together.”
“HOW?!” he yelled sitting up and getting in my face. I think that was the first time that he has ever yelled at me. “I am breaking Nian. We are breaking. I know you like to play tough but you aren’t as strong as you once was. The door is open. It is tainting our mind. I remember things.” He said more tears coming now. “I remember awful things. Things that we have done. Things that has been done to us. I don’t want the body. It disgusts me.”
“What changed Dian?!” I yelled back. “Everything that we are. Everything that we have ever been you knew. Even if you didn’t have the details. Even without the background you knew? I have done what was needed in the past. I will do what is needed in the future.”
“I hate us.” Dian said and I grabbed his shoulders making him look at me.
“You think I don’t.” I hissed at him. “You think that I like who we are. That I like who I am. But I’ve changed. I’ve become better. I am better. I’m not the same trigger happy kill first think later child that I once was. I hate my old self because I had no control over me. Or any of you. I failed you all six years ago and I am working my ass off to never fail again.”
“Look around Nian. My mind is filling with darkness. Evian is free. How long will it be before all the lock doors open? How long do you think you can play at captain before you need to abandon ship?”
“Is that what you’re doing? Abandoning ship?” He just looked at me and then down at the floor again.
“I’m so lost.”
“All you have to do us play your part. It’s all I ever asked of you Dian. It’s all I ever will ask of you. Play your role and I will fix this. All of it.”
“Okay.” He said and I stood up and brought him to his feet. I grabbed his arm and made him walk with me as led him back to his safe place.
“Rest and in the morning take the body again.” I told him.
I opened my eyes to see that I was still in the bed. Still in Mischa house and after a quick look around I saw that I was still alone as well. I got out finding my shoes and slipping them back on. I found my hoodie as well and took out my cellphone to see that I had twenty missed calls. Father learned that I wasn’t in the house anymore. I sighed because I would have to go back. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him though.
It was night already so he wouldn’t come back to the apartment and he knew better to wait for me. To push me. I would let Dian deal with father in the morning. I left out of Misha room and walked the halls. The whole house was dark and I wondered what kind of a girl leaves a strange boy in her bed and go on about her day. Mischa was so confusing. Every time I thought I was learning more about her I didn’t know anything. I was heading for the stairs when I heard a door shut behind me.
“Mischa.” I said turning around and looking down the hall. I was alone in the hall but now I could see the orange glow of a light in one of the rooms that moments before had been dark. I walked over to the door and took in a breath. Feeling the screwdriver still in my pocket I was happy to have my toy on me as I opened the door.
I stepped inside to see that it was some kind of play room. All of the toys in here were for little girls that were around the ages five to ten probably. I frowned as I saw the rocking horse in the corner moving. I walked over to it putting my hand on the horse to stop it.
“Ian….” A voice said and I turned around to see that the door was now closed and not opened like I had left it. I gave a smile because someone was toying with me. They wanted to play games huh. Well I liked games. I was very good at them.
“Here’s a game. Hide and seek.” I said still smiling. “If I find you I get to gut you.” There were giggles but I couldn’t be sure if it was only in my head or if there was someone in the room with me.
“You hide I seek.” A soft voice whispered.
“Mischa!” I called and the giggles started again. Then the lights went out in the room and I was standing in still darkness. I took in a breath as I strained my eyes to look around. I could hear someone moving around the room with me. They were light on their feet and I could just barely make out there movement but I was sure that I wasn’t the only person in this room. I took a step back and my foot stepped on something.
I turned around kneel on the floor and picking it up. I looked at what I had picked up and my hands started to shake. My breathing became shallow. I closed my eyes and I wasn’t me anymore. I was around nine and in the back of the class room. It was raining today so we had to play inside. I was behind the wall with the cubbies sitting Indian style. Next to me was a faceless girl holding a doll to her chest. She was smiling at me at us at one of the Ian’s but what one I was I had no idea.
“It will be such fun.” She was saying. I looked around in my bag and took out my dagger. Out Yoru’s dagger, Evian’s dagger and held it up so that she could see it. “It’s so pretty.” She said and leaned over so that she could get a closer look. “Do it then.” She dared me. “The first one to cry losses.” She told me and took the dagger from me and cut my arm with it. I felt the sharp pain but her cut wasn’t anywhere near as deep as when Yoru cuts me. We watched the blood roll down my arm and I held it out to her. She looked me in the eyes before lowering her mouth to my arm and licking at the wound. I smiled as she passed me back the dagger.
“I always win.” I whispered and grabbed a fist full of her hand before cutting her across the next. Her blood sprayed out getting on her doll covering it in her blood soaking it with her blood before she reached up and held her hand there. Then she let out a cry.
I stood in the room of blood covered in blood as my fourteen other classmates and teacher all lied in pools of their own blood. It was so silence in the room that I could hear the rain outside beating on the windowsill. I looked over to the window at the last girl in my class. The one that started the game with me. She had crawled that far and was sitting there holding her doll bleeding out looking at me. I walked over to her because her eyes told me to. They dared me to get closer. I had to get closer to her. I kneel down in front of her reached out and touching her blood stained face.
“Ian….” She whispered my name.
“You shall be mines. Now and always.” I told her and she smiled at me.
My eyes opened as I looked down at the doll. It was the same blood stained doll that was in that dream, memory, vision thing that I just had. Mischa. I shook my head as I tried to remember the girl’s face. She would have told me. If Mischa was that girl she would have told me. That’s not something that you forget. It’s not something that is easy to forget. A normal girl would have told me if we knew each other.
But Mischa wasn’t a normal girl. There was nothing about her that was normal. She was different from everyone that I have ever meant. It’s what made her Mischa. I stood up again dropping the doll and letting it hit the floor as I thought. As I tried to remember. That day has always been a black hole in the memory. Even Evian was blanked on it. I’m not sure what Ian had the body. Maybe it was none of us. Maybe the body acted on its own that day.
Maybe it was all of us. Maybe every Ian in the body wanted to slaughter someone or something thing and we took turns killing everyone. And that was why it was a black hole in our mind. Because so many of us had the body that day none of us knew what happened. Maybe it wasn’t even an Ian that had the body. Maybe it was Jinx or something like him. Something that was never supposed to have control over what is rightfully Ian. Then there was the chance that it was true Ian that day. That he wanted his due blood and he acted on his own killing all of the children.
If it was true Ian we wouldn’t know. We are parts of him and had no right to question him. Ian was the master of this body. He could take it any time he wanted. And yet he hides. Or maybe he was somewhere dead in the mind. I always believed that if not Evian something that was buried in here with us killed the true Ian.
I closed my eyes trying to see where the others were but they were still where I had left them. All but Jinx that was. He was gone leaving Evian unwatched. I frowned when I thought about looking for him.
Then I was pulled from the mind and back in the body when something attacked me. I let out a hissing breath as something sharp went into my side. I swung out blindly knocking someone away from me as I went to my knees. I looked and saw the handle of my own screwdriver in my side. I gasped as I pulled it from me and put my hand there to stop the bleed. Then something hit me in the head and I went over to the side.
It was dark but I knew that it was a girl. I could feel them sit on top of me straddling me. I could feel there small slender fingers slid up my chest and wrap around my throat.
“Mischa.” I said. It was her wasn’t it? It was Mischa my Mischa. So I was right all this time. Calling her my death angel my evil angel. She was going to what. Hurt me, kill me, just toy with me for the hell of it. “Mischa.” I hissed at her as her hands tighten on my throat. Nothing was holding me down. Wounded or not I was stronger than Mischa. I could hit her. Stab her. Push her off of me away from me and kill her for daring to hurt me. For even thinking about laying hands on me. But even as my hand tightened on the screwdriver I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was Mischa after all. I could never bring harm to her. “Please make it quick.” I said and turned my head away from her closing my eyes.
If anyone was going to kill me I was just happy that it would be Mischa. The hands released my neck and grabbed my chin turning my head so that I would have to look at her. I couldn’t see her though. In the darkness I couldn’t make out her face. She reached behind herself pulling something out that I couldn’t make out. Then she bent down and her lips were at my ear.
“You shall be mines.” A soft voice whispered in my ear. “Now and always.” She told me and pressed her lips to mines. My eyes widen when I felt a wrongness run through my body. Mischa kisses…before I could finish my thought something stabbed in my neck and I was sure that it was a needle when I felt the fuzzy warmth that comes with being drugged. Then there was nothing at all.