Eight
Night
I opened my eyes and saw that I was still in the room. My body felt weighed down and I was sure that it was because of the drugs that they had given Day-Ian. My hands were cuffed to the bed again witch meant that sometime when I was still Day-Ian they shackled me down again. I could feel the drug inside of me. I could feel it like worms under my skin. It was in my head opening doors and going in rooms that was better left alone. Had it been day I could have ended this. But it was my turn to control the body and I would be damned if I ever gave any of that control over to Day-Ian. I pulled against the restraints but it was no use my arms and legs were tied down. Tied down I hated being tied down. I hated not being in control of my body. Everything was so hard. Everything was so dark.
I was young again. I was the four year old Ian again. The whole and happy Ian. Standing in front of our house. Our new house I remember. We had only just moved here. I would have my own room. Mommy said that I could pick what room I wanted because after all I was her baby boy. I was her angel. My new baby sister was fussing so mother had to see what was wrong with her. My order brother gave me a light shove as he ran pass me in the house. I laughed and followed. I laughed Ian laughed I can’t remember the last time that I laughed. I can’t remember the last time that I was happy.
It was later in the day Billy, Kennedy, and I were in the front yard. We were playing when two boys walk over to us. They both were at least seven. They both had black hair that was to their shoulders. They both had light brown eyes. They were pale, they were sickly. The ball that we had rolled over to them and one of them picked it up.
“Give us our ball.” Billy told them and they walked over to us. The one that picked up the ball held it out only he was holding it out to me. He was only looking at Ian. I took the ball from him and he gave me this creepy smile. I remember thinking he’s weird. I remember thinking I don’t like him much.
“Thanks.” I said holding the ball to my chest.
“I’m Yoru and this is my brother Yuri.” He said and Billy took the ball from me.
“Want to play with us?” Billy asked and the two boys nodded as we ran around playing with us. I saw how Yoru watched me. Something inside of me took notice of that. Something inside of me didn’t like it at all.
I opened my eyes again to see that I was still in the room still chained to the bed. Was that a dream? It was a memory. The first time that I meant Yoru. Why was this coming back now? I shut the door so why was he bringing this up. I searched mind for Day-Ian and found him in his corner safe and sound and asleep. He needed rest. We all needed rest but I found that we only got it when we weren’t in control of the body. I wondered how long it could last. Taking these short naps was fine but everyone needed sleep. Everyone needed rest. I walked the halls of my mind touching this door peeking in that one making sure everything was in order. I needed order. What good was anything in life if you were just going to live in chaos? I walked to the red door and looked at it.
“You know why I lock this door.” I whispered to the thing that lives behind it. “You know why I can never allow you to leave.” There were whispers inside of head. It was trying to talk to me. But I wasn’t Day-Ian I wasn’t going to let it control me. He was so strong. Just one whisper and even Day-Ian was willing to kill for him. But I stopped it. I should have ended the doctor’s life when I had the chance. That way I could have saved them both. Day-Ian would keep his innocence and the door would have had its blood. But in the end I failed.
I pulled against the chains holding me down again but it felt as if the more I fought against it the deeper the drugs got inside of me. The harder they worked to worm there way through me. They were touching all of our things. They were going into doors that shouldn’t been opened and yet even the worms knew to stay away from the red door. I laughed to myself a bit because only Day-Ian was foolish enough to go to the red door. Even worms that didn’t belong in my mind was smarter than Day-Ian. I laughed as the darkness pulled at me again pulling me under once again.
It had been weeks, months really since Yoru, Yuri, and my family had become friends. Our parents were friends and so were we. This day like different somehow. Billy and Kennedy had went over their other friends house. And Yuri was at the doctor. I was in the house with Yoru and the babysitter. She wasn’t very good at her job she was on the phone with her boyfriend. It was pouring down outside so we had to play in the house.
“I have cool toys in my room Ian want to see them?” Yoru asked me and I nodded. I followed him upstairs. We went down a long hall. I’ve been in this house many times but I never came down this hall before. There were weird paints of people with twisted faces hanging on both sides of us. And at the end of the hall was a room with a red door.
“What’s in there?” I asked Ian asked because I’m not sure that I was Night-Ian yet. I’m not sure there was a night of Day-Ian yet. Here now in this hall in this room there was only Ian. My heart was racing as if I knew something bad was going to happen. I knew that I didn’t trust Yoru. I knew that I didn’t want to go in that room. I knew that without Billy or Kennedy here there was nothing that I could do to protect myself. I went in the room first and Yoru came in behind me. He shut the door and locked it. “I want to go home Yoru.” I said but no one was in my house. Father was at work and mother took Nakita to see grandma and grandpa for the first time. I opted out but now I was regretting that choice. I shouldn’t have told her that I wanted to stay and play with my friends.
“Don’t be a baby Ian. This is the play room and there is no crying allowed in the play room.” He told me and I nodded. “Want to see something cool.” I nodded again but I wasn’t sure that I did want to see his toys. I didn’t trust Yoru. He was my friend sure but I never trusted him from the first day that we meant I have never trusted him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to a dresser but when he opened it there were no clothes inside. Instead there was just knifes. “This one is my all-time favorite toy of them all.” He said pulling out a wicked looking dagger with a jagged blade. The handle was black with a big red stone on the edge of the handle. It was pretty.
“Can I hold it?” I asked and he turned around and placed the dagger to my throat.
“It’s not that hard to kill someone you know. I killed a dog before and it was so cool. Do you want to kill something with me Ian.” He asked and I heard something in my mind. It was muttered so I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand it so I ignored it all together. I nodded my head because Yoru was older than me and I wasn’t a stupid child. I learned from playing with Billy that it was best to just play their games or else they were going to punch you and make you cry. And if you told on them then they wouldn’t talk or play with you for weeks. “Don’t leave this room understand. I’m going to go get the cat.” He said and walked away leaving the room leaving me alone in the room.
I looked in the draw again looking at all of the knives that were in there. I was drawn to them wanting to touch them. Wanting to play with them. But I remember how mommy and daddy always yell at me when I touch sharp things.
“You should play with one.” Yoru voice sounded from behind me and I turned around to see him holding the cat by the scruff of its neck. My heart gave a start when I thought it was Mr. Fluff Fluff but then I saw that this cat didn’t have the same spots as mines. It must have been Yoru’s own cat or one of the alley cats around here. “Come over here Ian.” He demanded as he walked over to the center of the room. There was a rug in the shape of a circle in the center but Yoru kicked it away. I could see dark stains on the floor and I wondered what they were. “Hurry up Ian.” He said and I walked over and sat down in front of him as he held down the cat with one hand. “You want to do it.” He asked me holding the pointed end of the dagger that he had at me. I only shook my head. I didn’t want to touch his dagger. I wanted to go home. I felt like crying but I remembered that crying wasn’t allowed. “If you look away I will hurt you Ian. I will kill you and gut you just like I’m going to do this cat.” He said and swiped at me with his dagger making a small cut on the back of my hand.
I grabbed my hand holding it to my chest. It stung but I held back my tears. I looked at the cat because I didn’t want to look away. Because I didn’t want Yoru to cut me again. He smiled when he saw that I was looking at what he was doing and the cat was struggling to get free of him. Your raised the dagger and then brought it down. It’s blood sprayed out as the cat gave a cry. It started to twitch as Yoru stabbed it again and again. My heart was racing my mind was racing. I wanted to look away I needed to look away. I moved back because the cat’s blood was pooling out and the last thing I wanted was for it to touch me. I felt sick to my stomach.
Yoru looked up from his work and noticed that I was backing away from the bloody mess that he had just made. He looked and saw the horror on my face and he smiled. He grabbed my hand putting it in the blood. My stomach flipped as I touched it. It felt gross warm and sticky and thick. I wanted to pull my hand back. To break free of his hold but Yoru was older than me and without say he was stronger than me as well.
“Try it Ian.” He told me as he licked the blade. I looked down at my hand again. He had to be crazy. He had to be mad if he thought that I was going to put that in my mouth. Mother has always told me that if it isn’t food don’t put it in your mouth. “I said try it.” Yoru said pointing that dagger at me again. I raised my hand to my mouth shaking as I did so. “Hurry up.” He said and I licked my hand. The taste of blood was salty and bitter and sweet all at the same time. It was thick and smooth. “It’s good isn’t it Ian. See you’re just like me now.”
“I want to go home.” I answered and he put his hand on top of my head.
“You don’t want to play with me anymore.” He said and pushed me down sitting over top of me holding the dagger to my throat again. I could feel the blade biting into my skin. “You’re my friend Ian you have to play with me. You’re just like me now.” He said and I couldn’t help the tears that came. I didn’t mean to cry I knew that not crying was a rule but I was afraid. I was afraid of Yoru. “Say it Ian. Say you’re my friend. “
“I’m your friend Yoru.” I said and he smiled and got off of me.
“Next time we’re going to play an even better game than this one.”
“Like what?” I asked because I was sure that I didn’t want to play any game with him. I was sure that I was never coming to this house again. As soon as I got home I was telling on him.
“Oh and Ian.” He said. “What happens behind the red door stays behind the red door.” He told me and I just looked at him. “I like you Ian and I want to keep you forever and always. You’re my new favorite toy. But don’t think that will save you if you tell on me. I’ll make you regret it if you get me in trouble.” He said and pushed me down again. “Tag your it.” He laughed running off out of the room door and back down the hall.
Once again I woke. Once again I was still locked to the bed. It was official. This was going to be the longest night of my life. It felt as if I was sleeping for hours as I dreamed those memories. As the worms opened up doors and released those buried memories inside of my head. And yet when I looked at the clock on my nightstand only a few minutes have passed. This is why I always tell Day-Ian not to take the drugs they give us. This is why Day-Ian is such an idiot. He thinks that he is helping us but than shit like this happens. I tried to fight it. I wanted to stay woke. I wanted to stay me but it was so hard. It felt like so long since I just rested. So long since the body just lied still. I sighed because even if I didn’t want to dream even if it was drug induced the rest was good for the body. And without the body we are nothing.
I heard footsteps outside of the door but it was one in the morning so I wondered who it was. Maybe it was Billy and Seamus leaving again. Another night sneaking out so that they could go see that boy. That boy knew Yoru. It was clear to me now. Yuri had to be the one that they were talking to that night. Yuri would be the only person to bring up Yoru. He was the only one safe from Yoru’s madness. My door opened and I closed my eyes as I heard footsteps walking over to my bed. Who was in here with me?
“Ian.” Aunt May called and I opened my eyes again to see her and mother standing in the room with me. What brought them in here? I pulled against my chains and my mother gave a small cry and backed away.
“May please it’s fine you don’t have to do this.” Mother said and my eyes fell on her. Hard and cold eyes I made sure to put as much malice as I felt behind them. My mother was a stupid woman. How dare she treat me this way? How dare she treat her own son as if he was some kind of monster? And they wonder why Ian turned out the way that he did. The level of parenting that goes on in this house is sickening.
“I just wanted to say sorry Ian.” Aunt May said rubbed my hair out of my face. “For this morning I was so scared and so I said some awful things. You’re my little club you know that.” She said. Her little club my aunt has called me, us that since we were still whole. It had been years since she used that nickname but I knew it was because I was too old to be anyone’s club. “I let my fear get the best of me. What you did to your doctor was horrible. But worst of all your family not telling me about you were horrible. I’m so sorry.” She said.
“It’s okay Aunt May.” I told her because Aunt May truly was one of the few people in this world that I liked. One of the few that had earned my respect. Unlike my mother over there still staying a safe distance away from me. I was already chained to the bed what did she think I was going to do bit her. Well for her I might but I wasn’t some kind of animal I know self-control when I need it.
“Then I’m forgiven.” She said and I nodded.
“You were scared Aunt May. We all say and do things that we regret later out of fear. I know what fear leads to. I know that at times fear causes madness.”
“You’re such a good boy Ian. If you could just stop all of this nonsense and be the Ian that we all know and love again. If you could just be my little club.” She said and there were tears in her eyes. Did Aunt May think that this was all just some act that I was putting on. Did she think that I was pretending to be crazy? And for what? Why would I need to pretend I was crazy? Just for the hell of it I guess.
“Don’t cry Aunt May.” I told her and she wiped at her eyes trying to pull herself together.
“I’m sorry.” She said and I nodded and looked over at my mother. Why it is that Aunt May could come and say sorry to me for one thing that she had done wrong. For the first and only time that she has ever judged me and yet the woman that born me couldn’t. I would never understand why my mother choice so quickly to give up on me. She saw me kill that cat when I was just a boy and she stopped loving me after that. She pretends to love Day-Ian but I know that it’s all just a show.
Everything that this woman says and does is just a show. Everything that she is, is just a lie. She wants to be the victim and get the sympathy of all those around her. Poor Ann with the sick son. Poor Ann with the four children and the big house. Poor Ann who never has to go to work or worry over bills or want for anything. My mother disgusts me and if it wasn’t for Day-Ian always wanting and seeking the love of a mother that tossed him away years ago I would have killed her already.
“I’m tired.” I said and my aunt nodded. And stood up backing away from the bed. “Don’t you have anything to say to me mother.” I asked knowing that she wouldn’t have anything to say. Knowing that she never says anything to Night-Ian.
“You aren’t my son and so I’m not your mother.” She answered and I smiled as she left the room and Aunt May followed her out. I heard the lock in the door and I turned my head so that I was facing the wall. Then I closed my eyes again.
There was chaos around me. The wails of sirens the bright blue and red lights. My mother was holding me in her arms. She was holding me and she was crying and my father was yelling and the police was yelling.
“No.” my mother was screaming. “Not him, not my baby.” The police pulled me from her arms.
“Mommy!” I yelled trying to get back to my mother. “Mommy!”
“Give me my son. He’s just a boy. He’s only a child.” My father was saying and the cop that was holding me carried me over to another woman and passed me to her. “No give me back my son.” Father said and he made a move on the officer trying to get to me but the policeman hit him in the head and he went down.
“Where are you taking him? Please tell us where are you talking Ian.” Mother asked but no one answered her as they put me in the back of a car. I got on my knees looking out the window pressing both of my hands to the glass. No, not pressing them against it banning them against the glass. I needed to be free. I didn’t want to be taken. I didn’t want to leave my home. I didn’t want to leave mommy and daddy.
“Where are they taking Ian?” Kennedy asked she was holding Nakita in her arms as she looked at the car that they had just locked me inside of.
“Dad they can’t do this.” Billy said. “They can’t take Ian.”
“Hush.” Father said looking at me as well as I banned and screamed against the window. “Ann go in the house call the lawyer now.” He said and my mother turned to go in the house as the other stood there and watched me. Then the car I was in pulled off. That was the first time I felt like me. Sitting in that car I stopped crying. It was the first time I had control of the body. The first time I was Night-Ian.