Moments || H.S

107 ; good grief

The album was announced a month before release and surprisingly, everyone was excited. There were articles and tweets and general excitement. I guess I'd been in the public eye because of Harry for a while now, but it was still a shock to see people give a fuck about my music. 

Assumptions were made because of the album title 'good grief' and the cover art and I suppose it was pretty obvious this album was going to be about Harry and I and are battle with grief. There was talk about if it was going to be sad or motivating. It's mainly sad but towards the end there is a little bit of acceptance and finding home again, I guess? I mean it's unclear if we ever continue our journey after finding that hope which is how we feel right now. Kind of in the middle of going back to what's easy and being depressed about it all or doing the harder thing and dealing with it head on. 

I did one interview, which was my second ever and first without H. It went well and we talked about what people could expect from the album. I just said 'it's very honest. We open up our personal struggles with loss and friendship' Which is basically the summary without giving it away 'is 'we' by any chance talking about your strong friendship with Harry Styles?' she asked and I nodded, even though my face wouldn't be seen 'well, yeah. He helped with a lot of the album' Which is true, there wasn't many days where it was just me in the studio. He put his own album on pause, which I told him not but he insisted, to help out' 

I went to LA a week before for a few days, talked to Louis' family and gave them all hugs and visited where he was buried for the first time. I sat alone on his grave, playing the album to him from my phone and then Harry joined me. He put his arm around my shoulders and we sat in silence, before heading back home. 

Delilah has been anticipating this for years. She's 12 now and I started this when she was like 10, it's been a long time coming and she's so happy. Telling everyone 'Mum has an album coming out soon! It's called 'good grief' you should listen to it when it does' I appreciate her support so much, she's such a sweet kid. 

August is beyond excited, he has a calendar and was crossing off the days to when he could finally here it. Staring at the album cover, which happens to be his own art, and track list. He's heard snippets from the voice notes I played him after studio days, but that's it. He's pretty understanding about the album not having much to do with him, he knows it's a thing for Harry and I to express our emotions through the best way we have, music. 

But now, the day has finally come and we are all sitting on the couch early morning. I thought over and over about how we were going to do this, but I decided to do it the way I grew up listening to a new album, going to the store first thing and buying the CD. 

So that's what August did, he lined up in the cold outside the shop (the only one of us who wouldn't get recognized too badly)  and bought my CD and rushed back home. Me, Niall, Liam, Zayn, Harry, My Mum, Harry's Mum and Gemma were all waiting for him. 

The front door open and there were cheers as August walked in, scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and big jacket. He kicked off his boots and entered the room, holding the album above his head proudly. 

"here it is!" He declared to us all "my beautiful wife's first album!"

There were more excited claps and cheers. He passed it to me and I looked at the cover. Holy shit, I was really holding my own album and other people would be too. The cover art was beautiful, it was Harry and I on the beach, stars and the moon reflecting off the crashing waves. August painted it for Harry's birthday the year Louis died and I loved it so much I knew I had to make it the cover. The original painting is up in Harry's house and my eyes draw to it the second I walk in. The text was in the center 'good grief' with my name underneath, which was still crazy to me.