Moments || H.S

ninety one ; Sign of the times

(Ave's POV) 

I do my morning routine. Feed the cat, kiss August off to work and then help Delilah get ready send her off to school. I've been doing this everyday automatically since Lou died 5 months ago. It feels so, so repetitive. Nothing feels different anymore. There's no interesting factors in my day that make it different from the last. I'm stuck in a loop. 

Now, the next and hardest part of my day. I walk up to the door and unlock it with my key, not at all expecting to see Harry sitting on the couch with a piece of toast in his hands and the heater turned on, guitar on the floor and I wonder if he was playing. 

Holy fucking shit. 

I hate how excited I am, this should be normal so I'm going to make it normal. 

"Morning" I say brightly, walking up to him and sitting in the chair opposite. 

"How's Delilah?" He asks, taking another bite and I could pass out from seeing him eating and out of bed. Maybe things could be better? Or is this just a really good day? God knows, but I'm going to pretend like this is normal in hopes that's what it will become. 

 "She's OK, misses you H" I tell him, breaking the normal because he used to see her everyday, but not so much anymore. He hasn't seen her in 2 months and I get asked constantly where he is from her. All I can answer is 'he's not feeling well but you can see him when he's better' 

"I think I want to go somewhere today" He says and I nearly have a heart attack, but try to keep it casual for his sake. This is just a normal day. 

"OK, where?" I ask and he puts his empty plate on the table and my heart leaps of joy as a small smile appears on his face. 

"You decide" He shrugs and my mind races with possibilities, before deciding on somewhere peaceful and private. 

"OK, bring a coat" I stand up, kiss him lightly on the forehead and go back to me house, excitedly texting August what's happening and he seems just as excited as me. 

I change into black jeans and a long brown coat, knowing being photographed is a possibility, I put a little make up on and fix my hair. When I walk back through Harry's door he's still on the couch. He hasn't moved and just watches the TV, not paying attention to the weather man but just staring, almost in disbelief. I hate this. 

 "H, come on" I encourage playfully, thinking if I seem happy then he'll pick it up. 

He seems to snap back from whatever had him in a trance and looks at me "Fuck, yeah shit I'll get dressed" He stands up and walks upstairs and I wait for him to come back down. Well, hope that he comes back down and doesn't go back to bed. 

Thankfully, he walks back downstairs in casual but warm clothes. The pearls I hadn't seen in months around his neck and he puts his shoes on at the front door and I walk up to him. I want to tell him that I'm proud but I'm trying to keep this normal. It's hard because this isn't our new 'normal'. 

I hug him gently, trying to calm some of the nerves I can feel radiating off him. 

Our new normal has become driving back and forth from the doctor, phone calls and appointments. Letting him cry to me and seeing small glimpses of his old self, which seems to be taken away in an instant, like he feels guilty for being happy. 

I tried to bring this up to him, he just said simply 'Why should I be allowed to feel joy, when the rest of the world is still in pain?' 

I know he was talking about the fans and I met a few of them up the street who recognized me. I never thought I'd have teenage girls crying in my arms just because I knew Louis and can feel their pain, but I don't mind. The news went wild after it was announced. The TV channels, radios and articles blew up. Twitter was full of grief and heart break, people trying to reach out to each other for support and it my broke my heart. Lou loved his fans so much, it was such an amazing connection they shared and it was all shattered.