Ineffable ~ Good Omens One Shots

Aziraphale's Coming Home

A/N: Three updates in one day. Wow.

"No Crowley! I'm leaving! I'm going home!"

He slapped Crowley's cheek before he slammed the door of the demon's flat. He really was leaving, and he wanted to make it final. So much burning rage was pent up inside the angel. He wanted to hurt Crowley. Maybe even kill him. Something had to be done. Crowley needed to have a lesson taught to him.

Aziraphale decided the best way to do that was to return to Heaven, with his sword ablaze.

"Take me back please, I need to kill the demon Crowley. Show me the way."

He fell at the feet of Gabriel.

"We'd be glad to welcome you back. Only under one condition."

Aziraphale looked up at Gabriel and asked, "What is it?"

Gabriel responded, "Your full loyalty."

"I'll do anything."

Which he did. He did everything he was told to do. He lost weight. He learned to fight. He gave up books. He gave up food.

He became just like them, because that's what he had to do to become a proper angel.

Of course he went back to being the principality he was meant to be. Generally he'd sport fifteen eyes and a single pair of wings, along with a plain cream colored jacket. That was unless he was training. He'd wear a formal training outfit in those times.

He became the perfect angel. All his soft edges were sharpened. He was no longer the Aziraphale everyone remembered, though he had to prove that.

"You're going to go to Earth and kill the demon Crowley. You're ready to now. Prove you're one of us," Michael said to Aziraphale, "Don't forget who you are."

"I won't. I'll be back shortly. Ticki- oh sorry. Almost forgot we don't use words like that. I'm not who I used to be."

Uriel placed the flaming sword in Aziraphale's hands and said, "Get down there and prove it."

Like a good angel, Aziraphale traveled back to Earth. It had been years since he had been in the center of Soho. Something about the city pained him. This is where he loved Crowley. He could almost feel the demon he loved anywhere he went in the city. He knew exactly where Crowley was.

Walking into his flat brought back the hard memories of their last fight. It was over how Crowley killed a child. He was giving into his demonic ways. It scared Aziraphale. He didn't want to admit his old best friend was bad, but he knew the truth. Crowley was a demon, and nothing could change that.

"Crowley, it's me! I've came back!"

The demon walked out of his bedroom, only half dressed. Aziraphale wanted to hug Crowley, even though the top half of the demon was bare and all that Crowley had on in terms of pants were tartan pajama pants.

"I was sleeping, angel. I'm so glad you came back. I've kept the book shop running for you, absolutely no books have been sold, oh and I have this wonderful crepe recipe. Let me make you crepes, please. My sorry treat. I'm so sorry angel. I'm back to who you loved. Please forgive me. I'll never hurt anyone again."

Crowley approached Aziraphale.

"Please?"

Aziraphale looked down at the ground and said, "I don't think I can. It was a child, Crowley, and you are a demon."

"Since when has that mattered?"

"Always, demon," Aziraphale said as he took out his flaming sword. He swung it erratically, with intent to kill.

"Aziraphale, stop! Please don't hurt me!"

The blade burnt Crowley's skin, leaving several painful pink marks and open wounds. By the time he was too weak to stand, Aziraphale was pinning him to the floor, inspecting him as he bled.

"I'm going to end you. This is who I am."

Crowley's yellow eyes met with Aziraphale's.

“This isn't who you are, Aziraphale. Look at yourself. You're a carbon copy of every angel upstairs," Crowley said weakly as Aziraphale pointed the sword at his chest.

"Aren't those how things are supposed to be?"

Crowley though for a second before responding, "No, you're supposed to be you. You know who you are. You love dining at the Ritz with me. You love reading. You love eating. You love being flattered. You love letting me hold you. You love funny little words."

Aziraphale dragged his sword down Crowley's chest as the demon, "But no matter who you are, Aziraphale, I still love you. Nothing can ever change that."

The flaming sword was pulled away. Aziraphale shut the flame off and tossed it to the side. Tears were building up in the angel's eyes. He sobbed, "Crowley, I love you too. I don't want to do this. I have to. Heaven is making me do this. It's my final test. I have to prove who I am."

Crowley reached up to caress Aziraphale's cheek.

"No angel, you don't have to listen to them. You have to do what you say is right. That's who you are. If it means killing me and joining their terror reign, then so be it. Just if you are, make it quick."

Aziraphale plopped down on the floor beside Crowley. He whispered, "I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Oh angel," Crowley sobbed as he hugged Aziraphale, "It's not your fault."

"But it is. I shouldn't have been scared. I'm being scared now," Aziraphale cried as he closed his eyes. Crowley rubbed his back and sighed, "You're being so brave Aziraphale. They really hurt you. I can feel it."

Aziraphale buried his face into Crowley's chest. He listened closely to Crowley's heartbeat.

"You're alright. I'll make you feel better."

Gentle finger tips began to trace Crowley's wounds.

"Let me make you feel better first," Aziraphale sighed as he began to heal Crowley. While doing so, Aziraphale could feel every burn and stab left on Crowley's body. It pained him to feel exactly what he did to Crowley. It was a relief when he finished him.

"Thank you, angel," Crowley said as he picked Aziraphale up and placed him on the couch. He longed for Crowley's soft touch.

"Let me get you some crepes, and we'll talk."

Crowley did just that. Aziraphale couldn't help but admit he missed eating. He stuffed the food in his mouth, eager and hungry to taste the crepes. These were definitely the best crepes he'd ever had.

"Aziraphale, what did they do to you up there?"

Soft finger tips rested on Aziraphale's knee. All that could be said by the angel was, "They brainwashed me. They made me forget who I was. I was trained to kill. They wanted me to kill you, Crowley. They also took away everything I loved. I haven't read a book in years. Plus I'm so... skinny. I don't like it. I don't think I've ever felt my ribs before."

Crowley softly nodded as he whispered, "It's alright, we'll get things back to the way you like them. All tickity-boo."

Aziraphale began to cry a little. "We don't say words like tickity-boo up there."

"Then say it here."

"Tickity-boo."

"Again, please."

"Tickity-boo. Everything is tickity-boo."

Crowley hugged Aziraphale and whispered, "You're safe with me. This is your home. You don't have to be the form fit angel anymore. Just be the Aziraphale I know best."