Ineffable ~ Good Omens One Shots

Little One [fluff] -Ineffable Husbands and Ineffable Bureaucracy-

It was the seventh day of the rest of their lives. Seven days since the not-apocalypse had happened. Seven days since Aziraphale moved into Crowley's flat.

Crowley was relaxing in his flat, or at least doing what he considers to be relaxing. Aziraphale couldn't figure out why Crowley thought yelling at plants was relaxing. The angel had chose to curl up on Crowley's couch and read a bit. That was relaxing.

There was a big disturbance in the middle of their relaxing. They both felt it. It hit them like a train. Something had happened between the angels and the demons. This scared both Aziraphale and Crowley.

They were scared until exactly seven o'clock that night. Five minutes before seven, the door bell had rang. Neither Crowley or Aziraphale wanted to open the door, but they knew they had to. Armed with only a baseball bat and really thick book, they turned the knob together and swung the door open.

There at the door stood Beelzebub and Gabriel with a small newborn.

The demon stood there, unamused as always. They sighed, "Put it away. We want to talk, not fight."

Crowley leaned the bat against the wall and said, "I suppose we're talking."

Gabriel seemed quite embarrassed. He said, "Look, you two are the only other angel-demon couple that we know about. Don't think that we don't know how you two idiots feel about each other, even if you don't realize how you feel. We promise to not come looking for the both of you for a long time, if you keep quiet about the fact that Beelzebub and I happened to have a child that we don't want."

Gabriel handed Aziraphale the small baby.

Crowley took of his sunglasses, looking Beelzebub straight in the eye.

"You mean to say you've been together for at least nine months," he asked.

Beelzebub gave the long response, "Kind of but that doezzn't matter, apparently it only takezz a week for a child to develop. I don't want to hear a word about thizz Crowzley, you're not talking about my unfortunate anatomy situation, so don't even think about azzking any kind of questionzz. You're also not going to be mentioning where this child came from if you run into anyone, Crowzley. This child, she shouldn't have came about is what I'm saying. We want you and your angel thing to keep her, since we see you as fit."

Aziraphale smiled and said, "Thank you. We'll make sure that she's cared for."

Crowley put his sunglasses back on and said, "Yes, well I suppose we're finished talking here."

Gabriel nodded and said, "Yes, I suppose."

He then started walking off and Beelzebub followed. Crowley shut the door and asked, "What the actual heaven just happened?"

Aziraphale smiled and said, "We just became fathers."

Crowley, unlike most demons, had a soft spot for children. He was Warlock's nanny after all. There did happen to be a big difference in being a nanny and a parent, and this was something Crowley knew.

Aziraphale said, "So, I suppose we're going to have to work out who the child is going to stay with."

Crowley asked, "What was up with the whole feelings thing they were talking about?"

Aziraphale blushed a little. "I thought you'd eventually catch on. I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, I just have had these feelings since you saved me from the church bombing."

Crowley almost completely lost it in that moment. Out of pure shock he shouted, "Are you serious? You are telling me now? What about the whole you go too fast for me thing and every time you said we weren't even friends?"

This made the baby cry, until she was miracled to sleep. Aziraphale said, "I suppose the feeling isn't mutual."

Crowley scooped the baby from Aziraphale's arms and sighed, "Don't start thinking that. Aziraphale, I've loved you since the beginning. You know that we never were able to express it before."

Aziraphale smiled and said, "Well now there's nothing holding us back."

Crowley rocked the baby in his arms and said, "I'm not sure of that."

Aziraphale laughed, "Oh she'll be fine. She needs a name."

"She also needs all those baby things. I'm sure she's going to need all kinds of things. Baby things. Babies also need attention. Are we going to be able to handle this?"

Crowley knew exactly the kind of stuff babies needed. By all theory he could raise the child by himself, and she would turn out just fine. Crowley knew how to change diapers, run baths with a safe temperature, and sing lullabies while rocking a baby to sleep. Crowley had a life though, and an apparent relationship.

Crowley couldn't help but hand the baby back to Aziraphale. He needed a drink anyways. Being stuck with a child out of the blue wasn't his kind of thing.

Aziraphale sighed, "Crowley, there's no place for a demon-angel child here, except with us. We have to handle her. Now let's choose a name and I suppose we can miracle whatever we need for her."

Crowley poured himself a glass of wine and said, "Let's name her Nevaeh Yelworc-Elahpariza Crowley. You like that? Personally I think it's a stupid name but I think you'd like it."

Aziraphale sighed "Crowley that's just heaven spelt backwards, then that noise you make when you're very drunk, and who says we're using your last name."

"Actually it's our names spelt backwards, and we're using my last name because I actually bother to have more than one serious name, Aziraphale Ziraphale Fell."

Aziraphale said, "Well I don't know then. Just make sure it's not stupid."

After a while of Crowley drinking, which Aziraphale joined in on, he mumbled, "What about Alexandria? That's a nice name."

Aziraphale nodded and asked, "And a middle name?"

"I don't know you choose one."

Aziraphale did try to put though into it. He was craving crepês though, so he thought he might as well have went with something French.

"Her middle name will be Poubelle."

Crowley nodded slowly. "That's pretty. See we have this whole naming thing down. We're going to be excellent parents."