Ineffable ~ Good Omens One Shots

Antony, Antony Where Art Thou Antony pt3

A/N: I guess you can call me Snakespear now. Hiss hiss. Also at the end I'm only going to PG-13 stuff excluding the jokes.

Beelzebub whined, "It's hot out here Hastur. Let's go home. Plus, the Fells are out and hot weather leads to hot bloodedness. I don't want to get in a fight."

Hastur said, "You're like one of those guys who struts into a bar and slams his sword on the table, then says, 'I hope I never have to use you.' By the time he orders his another drink, he pulls his sword on the bartender for absolutely no reason at all."

"Really?" Beelzebub asked as he paced along the dusty cobble road.

"You have anger issues. You know that. If the smallest thing makes you angry, you're on fire. If you're in the mood to get angry, you find something to get angry at."

"Hmm..."

"You'd fight anyone, for anything. Even if there were two of you, you'd fight. You've been in so many fights your brain has scrambled like an egg. You think you're going to teach me about restraint?"

Beelzebub said, "If I were in a habit of fighting the way you do my life insurance would reach the Heavens."

"Your life insurance?"

Beelzebub said, "See, it's further going up. Here comes the Fells."

"I don't care," Hastur said.

Gabriel shouted, "Hello Crowleys! I'd like to have a word with you!"

"Just a word?" Hastur asked, "Put it together with something and make it a word and a blow."

"I'm ready to do that if you give me reason," Gabriel replied.

Hastur asked, "Can you find a reason without me giving you one?"

Gabriel said, "You hang out with Antony."

"Hang out? Like we're musicians? If we're musicians you can plan on hearing nothing but noise," Hastur said as he drew his sword, "This is my fiddle. I'll use it to make you dance."

Beelzebub said, "Men, we are in public. Go somewhere private or speak rationally. Everyone can see us here."

Hastur said, "They can see what they want to see, but I'm not preforming a show for anybody."

Antony trotted down the road. He seemed happy. He was happy. The sweet taste of Azira's lips was still left on his mouth. He couldn't wait for tonight, so he could drink from Azira's pouring fountain of love and show him love in return. It made his heart flutter to think about touching Azira's soft milky skin. He could just imagine how wonderful it will be to please his lover.

Gabriel said, "You are not worth my time. Here comes the man I'm looking for."

Antony asked, "You are looking for me, good Gabriel?"

"You... You're a villain Antony," Gabriel growled.

"Oh, Gabriel, I have reasons to love you that you don't even know yet. I will put aside rage and insults. Goodbye, I can tell you do not know who I am."

"Antony, your words can't make anything you've done better. Turn and draw your sword."

"I don't want to fight you," Antony said, "I've never done you harm. I love you. Be satisfied, because I love you for reasons you don't know yet."

Hastur said, "Romeo, you're making a joke of ourselves. -Gabriel! Fight me!"

Gabriel drew his sword.

Antony begged, "Please put your swords away, please."

It was too late though. Hastur and Gabriel were already fighting.