Ineffable ~ Good Omens One Shots

In Trusting A Demon

A/N: Found out some people actually ship Aziraphale x Gabriel so I'm writing this one shot to show how much I absolutely hate it. It's super canon that Gabriel is emotionally abusive to Aziraphale. Who would ship that!?

Aziraphale was having a quiet night, alone in his book shop, or at least intended to. One stray customer came in completely drunk out of his mind, at eleven o'clock. The angel made sure that customer did not buy anything. Besides from that little situation it was fairly quiet.

Until three in the morning. That was when the arch angel Gabriel stormed in.

"Aziraphale! I hope you're not busy or anything. Just thought I'd stop by. I can't stay long though."

The only thing Aziraphale could think was about the hell he was about to face. He tried to put on his best smile for Gabirel. Inside he was screaming for help.

Gabriel quickly found Aziraphale. The arch angel said, "Oh sweetheart, give me a kiss."

At this point Aziraphale knew not to refuse. He would always tell himself he was a good angel, and he'd listen to whatever Gabriel would say, no matter how uncomfortable this made him. He always hated having to act as if he actually liked Gabriel. Being forced to romanticize with him was even worse.

The two angels cuddled on the couch. Aziraphale didn't say much of anything. He knew he wasn't allowed to. Gabriel on the other hand was feeling particularly social. It hit Aziraphale hard when Gabirel said, "Didn't I tell you to loose weight? Come on Aziraphale, you're fat for an angel. That doesn't exactly fit Heaven's standards."

Aziraphale nodded and said, "I've been dieting Gabriel. Definitely eating a whole less."

Gabriel tilted his head and asked, "What about drinking too much water, sweetheart?"

Aziraphale responded, "Yes, that too."

Gabriel said, "Maybe you should just stop eating all together. Why do you choose to eat human food anyways? You don't need it."

Aziraphale sighed, "Perhaps I should."

Gabriel patted Aziraphale's back and said, "That's my little angel."

Gabriel kissed Aziraphale's cheek and smiled at him. Aziraphale did his best to smile back.

"I have to go now sweetheart. I'll see you later."

Gabriel let go of Aziraphale and left the shop. Aziraphale almost broke down in tears. He felt dirty. He felt wrong. He wanted to never see Gabriel's stupid smile ever again.

He knew what he had to do. While he hated using phones, this was an emergency. He picked up his dusty Rotary Dial and called for Crowley.

"Aziraphale, nice to hear from you, a bit busy right now though. Watching Golden Girls."

Aziraphale parted his lips to speak. Nothing came out. Crowley asked, "Aziraphale, are you there?"

Aziraphale fell to the floor and cried, "I need you right now, please Crowley. I'm in my book shop."

Crowley listened to the unsteadiness in Aziraphale's voice. The demon began to panic. He muttered, "I'll be there soon, angel," before hanging up the phone. Aziraphale continued to sit on the floor, crying.

It didn't take the demon long to get to the book shop. When he arrived he found the angel sobbing.

"Aziraphale, angel what happened?"

Aziraphale looked up at Crowley. He sighed, "Come here, please."

Crowley sat down next to Aziraphale. The angel fell into the demon's arms and sobbed, "G-Gabriel, he-he's-"

Crowley wiped tears from the angel's cheeks and whispered, "It's okay Aziraphale. You can tell me."

Aziraphale buried himself in Crowley's arms. It took the angel a second before crying, "Gabriel, I hate Gabirel! He wants me to love him, and I hate every little thing he makes me do!"

Crowley asked, "What is he making you do?"

Aziraphale sniffled and said, "Just romantic stuff. You know just the typical stuff. Also he's making me loose weight because I-I'm fat. I'm very fat. Too fat to be an angel."

Crowley said, "No, Aziraphale, don't say that word. I will not let you say that word about yourself. You're not fat. You've actually lost too much weight for your own good. You look sick."

Aziraphale insisted, "I'm fine Crowley. Angels don't need to eat anyways."

"And angels don't need to have sudden dramatic weight drops."

Aziraphale sighed softly and let tears continue to roll down his cheeks. He didn't say much of anything. He didn't have to. The sound of his cries were enough to tell Crowley how the angel was feeling.

Of course Crowley let Aziraphale cry for some time. Though after too long, Crowley whispered, "I'll always keep you safe, Aziraphale, always."

It was at that moment the book shop began to shake. In stepped Gabriel.

"Get your slimy demon hands off of Aziraphale."

Crowley let go of Aziraphale, making sure the most lovely angel was okay on the ground, before standing up and growling, "You get your slimy angel lips off Aziraphale, when he doesn't love you."

Gabriel seemed shocked. "Of course he loves me. He's told me so."

Aziraphale shouted, "And I didn't mean it! I'm so sick of you Gabriel!"

Crowley looked down at the angel, approving of the move he had just made. Aziraphale smiled, tears still running down his cheeks.

Crowley held his hand out to Aziraphale. The angel gladly accepted it. Crowley said, "Aziraphale loves me, because I'll never do anything to him that he feels uncomfortable with. You're out of place Gabriel."

Gabriel argued, "Aziraphale feels comfortable. He's my angel, I tell him what I want and what to do. I'm an archangel!"

"An arch-bitch is what you are," Crowley stated.

The next thing everyone knew, Gabriel had two massive fang marks on his arm.

"You stupid snake!" the archangel shouted.

Crowley wrapped his arm around Aziraphale and said, "Yeah, I know I'm a ssstupid sssnake. A ssstupid venomousss sssnake."

Crowley then proceeded to hiss at Gabriel. Aziraphale smiled and said, "That means smell you later, sucker."

Gabriel then discorperated in front of their eyes.

"Crowley, you just killed Gabriel!" Aziraphale shouted. Crowley let his forked tongue hang out of his mouth.

"Angel, I know that. There'sss nothing to worry about."

Aziraphale looked around the book shop. The angel sighed, "Oh well, I guess it's okay then, you wily old serpent."