Ineffable ~ Good Omens One Shots

Unable To Say I Love You

A/N: TW- suicide (mention but it actually happens but because I'm the author of this fanfic it's not permanent), major character death but for both it's only temporary, lots of blood. That's it.

Crowley looked over the open ocean. The sun was sinking against the horizon. Cool, crisp sea air blew against Crowley's cheeks. Tears running like waterfalls poured from his eyes.

Behind him stood Aziraphale. He cried, "Crowley, please understand where I'm coming from," as he reached out to touch the demon's shoulder. Crowley wouldn't let him though. No, he'd give in if he were to have Aziraphale's soft touch. He told himself that he needed to stay strong; that he needed to hold his ground and not give into the angel. He sighed, "I understand good and well, Aziraphale. I want you to be mine. But no, we can't have that now."

"Cr-Crowley p-please. I'll forgive you if you just listen."

With all the pain built inside his chest Crowley shouted, "No Aziraphale! I'm unforgivable!"

Bloody tears began to roll down Aziraphale's cheeks. He sighed, "Crowley, you know I can't love you like you deserve to be loved."

He was being honest after all. He saw Crowley as worthy of the highest love. He knew that with his general love for all things, he couldn't properly provide the attention he'd want to give Crowley.

Crowley turned to look at Aziraphale. He saw the crimson red that was staining the angel's skin. Seeing his angel like that created a need that would never be satisfied.

"I love you though angel. You're my light."

Aziraphale wiped blood away from his eyes. It smeared across his cheeks and the sleeves of his coat. He mumbled, "Well I burned out then," as he began to walk off. Crowley shouted, "You can't leave! There's no where to go!"

The angel shouted in response, "There's plenty of places to go! I've got the bookshop! Heaven perhaps! If I recall you said it's a big universe! Seems like you don't have much of a place to hide from your feelings!"

Something felt bitter inside of Aziraphale. He knew he had just hurt Crowley. Blood continued to roll down his face as he walked away.

"Goodbye, Crowley! I'm going home!"

Crowley nodded and continued to look over the ocean. He spread his wings and jumped straight in. Water soaked him. His wings pulled him deeper. The light slowly faded, but his light was already gone.

The next day Aziraphale was walking up the beach. Finding Crowley's body was difficult. He knew his best friend was dead.

"You deserved better than me Crowley. That didn't mean I didn't love you. It meant I couldn't love you," he whispered as he picked Crowley up. White wings spread over the dead body.

"You're safe now, dear. I'll find a place for you."

That afternoon Aziraphale buried Crowley underneath a nice tree. He placed a rose, a letter, and his gold ring against the tree. Then he left. He went back to Heaven, ready to face trial. He believed Crowley was not coming back; that he was being tortured in Hell.

That night Crowley faced the earth again. While blood was pouring from his mouth and he was still soaking wet, he was back. He took noticed of the objects against the tree.

"Hmpn," he grunted as he picked up the letter, carefully opening it. His golden eyes slowly read the words on the page.

Dear Crowley,

I know you're forever gone. Here I lay you down. I didn't mean to upset you. I wanted to love you. I just wasn't good enough for you. You were the love of my life. The apple of my eye. Now you're gone. I've decided to go back to Heaven. I'm pointless staying here without knowing you'll drop in at any moment. I loved you Crowley, I just wasn't good enough for you.

~Aziraphale

A cool breeze blew against Crowley's face. He felt cold and empty inside. He looked up to the sky as he fell on his knees.

"Why God? Why do you do this? I loved him and you took him from me! You always take everything that means the most! Why?"

For the first time God actually responded. Her holy light opened above Crowley. She responded, "You seem to be the only one screwing up your life, Crowley. You're the one who's always questioning me, you're always screaming at me. Some devine beings are trying to sleep here. Now would you like Aziraphale back?"

Crowley pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket. Her light was too bright for the demon to tolerate.

"Yes, please. I won't yell anymore. I promise."

Her light shut off. A second later another light appeared. The Archangel, Gabriel stood in front Crowley. He smirked and said, "Here you go demon. Here's Aziraphale back."

He handed Crowley an urn full of ashes.

"He ran into Heaven begging for Hell Fire because he couldn't stand to live without you. Maybe you should have let him know he was good enough for you. Up until the moment he died he was going on and on about how he wasn't good enough to love you, and how he wasn't good enough to be loved by you."

Gabriel then disappeared. Crowley looked down at the urn. He hugged it close and said, "Oh Aziraphale, you were always good enough."

He looked up at the sky and opened his mouth to shout. He couldn't though. God took his ability to scream away. All he could do was mumble, "You bastards," as he softly stroked Aziraphale's urn.

He grabbed the rose and the ring. He slid the ring on his finger. Then he flew back to the bookshop. There he carefully placed the urn on a shelf.

"There you go Aziraphale. You're safe now, angel. I wasn't good enough, so now I'll be right here with you."

Crowley sat down at Aziraphale's desk. He mumbled, "Yes, not good enough. I loved him. I'm not good enough to love him. I loved him."

Rain pitter pattered against the window. Crowley watched it fall, seeing his own reflection. On the other side a child stood staring back at him.

He opened the door inviting the child in.

"Heaven has a message for you, Crowley."

"Don't want to hear it."

"God says She'll give you Aziraphale back if you give Her your voice."

From that day forward Crowley never spoke another word. He couldn't tell Aziraphale he was good enough. He could just hope the reborn angel would see it in his eyes.