#164 Where Worlds Collide

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by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Where Worlds Collide by amaranthinepoetry

Comma splices - separate these with either semi colons or dashes.

Some commas were in the wrong place. Look at my suggestions.

I love the deep, brutal topics. Very real and raw - well done.

Some word choices not quite right but, again, take a look at some of my comments.

I found you used 'I' too much. I know this is a personal memoir but this is just something to keep in mind.

Overall, a really personal touch; I felt like I was really getting inside your head.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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