#1 The Witches' Sacrifice

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by xanabanana66x

Dedicated to Nataliah88

by xanabanana66x

The Witches' Sacrifice by @Nataliah88

I liked the concept of this book - a futuristic world where the supernatural are prosecuted. Although, I did find that perhaps that idea is a little bit cliché.

There were many grammatical mistakes including tense jumps and narrative perspective jumps (e.g. starting in third person and then ending in first). Syntax errors were made, along with common spelling mistakes like 'breath' and 'breathe'. I found all these things very prominent in the first chapter. In the second, I marked up everything, which I hoped you found useful.

Dialogue was all over the place. Here are some things I found which could help:

https://jerichowriters.com/writing-dialogue/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MI6ebuLoiq8

Also, I found the genre didn't really fit with the theme. Try changing the genre to Fantasy. I just don't think Action fits.

Also, characterisation was sometimes off. The character of the mother and aunt were made to be very brutal and unloving (I get that) but I think it could have been handled better, and with more of an explanation.

More description would have been nice, especially for the dream sequence, and a description of the Prince would have definitely enhanced the writing a bit more.

Overall, a good start. I would seriously recommend going through these grammar points carefully and putting in all the corrections I commented for you.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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