Critiques [CLOSED]

#32 Queen Of Atlantis

Queen of Atlantis by @jessicasimpson101

Your sentences were mainly short and simple. I would vary this a bit and make some of them longer to make the writing more engaging. Just a thought.

Some places I noticed that semi colons were being used as commas. And then you had some comma splits which could have been solved by adding a semi colon (so basically making both mistakes the wrong way around) :)

Some repitition of words (like "refreshing" and "fresh" and "slipping" and "slip".) I know these aren't the exact same words but they came quite close after each other so I would consider changing them with a synonym. Some occasional bad word choices were used.

There were small tense jumps in places. I tried to mark most of these up for you.

Chapters were very long but then cutting them at any place would be unsuitable so I guess I'm not helping very much!

New speaker=new line.

Some dialogue issues but not a lot.

Good tension with the mother - I found that really intriguing. Especially towards the end.

Overall, a very good attempt. A few grammar errors but I marked up most of these for you.

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