Critiques [CLOSED]

#91 Phobia

Phobia by @SamiCoops

Brilliant prologue. The letter was very intriguing. You had great similes (loved that one about the grenade and pin).

Occasional comma splices but I commented on those for you.

Deep tempo doesn't make sense like I explained. :)

Love the format at the start of every chapter with the type of Phobia. Consider having what it means because that might give more insight into the chapter and mainly because I was interested in what each of the phobias meant.

Commas before names. This was quite a big problem.

Its/it's

Commas to separate clauses.

Some basic grammar was missing. You need capitals after full stops!

An adjective or a noun followed by a gerund needs a hyphen in between. Like nice-smelling or lucky-looking. Sorry about the terrible examples.

Dialogue: you need a full stop instead of a comma if the thing that comes after it is action and not a dialogue tag (so anything that isn't 'he said' or something like that.)

I would recommend cutting the chapters where I suggested. But it's only a suggestion.

The ending of the 2nd chapter reminded me of Sherlock. :)

Overall, a fantastic story that had great pace and a realistic feel. The grammar didn't detract from the prose at all. Wow!

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