#139 Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Actions Speak Louder Than Words by @God_given_kk

Great intro - it really set the mood and let us get to know the main character a lot more.

I would stick to one style - American or British.

I would also lessen the colloquialism. I get you're trying to relate to the reader but sometimes it looks clunky.

Put asterisks where you're planning on skipping time.

And also for a pov change ^^

For dialogue, the dialogue tag needs to be in lower case.

Apostrophes of possession were sometimes not there.

Commas before names!! And to separate clauses too.

Overall, a lively beginning. I think the rest of the story could match that start, though, because it was really good.

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