Critiques [CLOSED]

#3 Coffee For The Heart

Coffee For The Heat by Lucky_virgo

I loved the idea for this book - a man who calls into a coffee shop to order a coffee that will mend his broken heart. The blurb worked well, particularly the second part, although I would cut it at 'Do you have coffee for a broken heart' as I think that's a good cliff-hanger to leave it at, and also you're spoiling quite a lot of the story already.

The beginning chapter is different to most others I've seen, making it particularly intriguing. I liked how you dove straight into it, no messing. Nicely done. 

However, I did notice a lot of tense jumps. By a lot, I mean one in almost every sentence. I understand how it happened, but it just makes the writing clunkier and harder to read. I would stick to the past tense for the entire thing to clear any mishaps.

Another big thing that struck me was that there was no italics used for thought. I saw there was a key used at the beginning of a chapter, but I think it would just be easier to use italics to indicate train of thought (avoid using bold and speech marks - it just becomes confusing) and use normal speech for when Leeana and Blake are talking.

There was also one 'its' and 'it's' mistake, but you shouldn't worry too much about that. Here's a site I found, however, that could clear any misconceptions.

https://writingexplained.org/its-vs-its-what-is-the-difference-between-its-and-its

There were also times when full stops were forgotten at the end of dialogue.

Overall, a really good story; I especially liked the pattern of the chapter names.

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