Critiques [CLOSED]

#36 How Can We Live Like This?

How Can We Live Like This by QuasarRadiation

You had a thing with commas. Like many. :)

Comma ands were a slight problem. A comma should come before an and if the sentence afterwards can make sense on its own. If not there's no need for it.

You didn't need some commas in some places. A very frequent place I saw was in front of "with".

Also, you don't need a comma all the time in dialogue.

You seem to love commas ^^ :)

The story had some great description. I could see that you weren't afraid to go full-out into intricate detail. This actually worked well because it formed a really nice and clear image of the setting in the reader's mind.

A verb or a noun followed by a present participle needs to have a hyphen in between. Such as:

Delicate-looking
Dangerous-sounding
Etc.

You had very minor spacing errors.

Tense jumps was a BIG problem! Try to keep your story in present tense throughout.

One small it's/its issue but it's not too big since I'd seen you use it correctly in other cases.

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

Overall, a detailed, intriguing story. It created a vivid image in my mind, which is what storytelling is all about.

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